Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #525: Theoretical Relationships

Data: "Come on, girl. Bring it in."

 

"And then the sword materializes, correct?"

"Yes, and the captain will say, 'Voltron: Defender of the Universe!'."

 

Data: Greetings. Data is programmed to please, please assume the position. (Just gone back to FO:NV)

 

Data: Oil can. Oil can.

 

Data: "I like big butts, and I cannot lie!"

 

Data: "Jenna, are you alright?"
Jenna: "Just imagining something..."
Data: "If you are thinking of an allegorical correlation regarding the size of this torpedo and what you believe we will do tonight, let me remind you: I am an android and any parts you wish replacing can be as much fully functional as they are fully sizable to any dimensions you specify."


Data: "I am sorry Jenna, I do not understand this gesture of inconclusive length. Can you give me precise measurements, in meters or centimeters, for what you prefer?"



Picard: "Mr. Worf, you only needed to ask what my shoe size was. If nothing else, use knee pads next time since knee surgery is expensive."



Picard: "Number One, did I not tell you to remind the crew that the observation lounge is not used for yoga or any other group activities?"
Riker (coughs worriedly): "No, sir"
Data: "Actually, commander, I had recorded the entire conversation. Would you like me to repeat--"
Riker: "NO!!"



Picard: "Computer, play the song 'Both Sides Now' by Joni Mitchell
Computer: "Acknowledged."
Intercom: "I've looked at clouds from both sides now... ♪ I really don't know clouds at all... ♬"
Picard (musing): "I bet Gary Seven lipsynced to this."

 

Jenna: "Data, are you programmed for dispersal pattern Sierra?"

Data: "We are still talking photo torpedos, correct?"

 

Lt. Cmdr. Data: "No...really...I can show you a holographic video I made of my encounter with Tasha Yar. I honestly can make it this big."

 

Jenna: Thanks for asking me to the Synthehol Ball in Ten Forward. What do you want to name our three children?
Data: Children? But -
Jenna: And bear in mind, they will be black and hard of seeing.


Data: Are you sure you want to break up with me? In the event of a water landing I can be used as a flotation device.
Jenna: I'll take my chances.


Worf: According to these readings, "As smug as an android who covets human emotion" is not a metaphor, it is a simile, sir.
Picard: NERD ALERT


Picard: I guess the janitor still wants to be paid in cash.


Picard: Worf, about your Chipmunks road trip mix tape....
Worf: Alvin may be incorrigible but the honor of his vocal inflections cannot be denied!

 

Worf: Your concerns weren't unfounded. The boy indeed relived himself moments ago, Sir.



Captain's Log: Beverly won't be able to find me in here.

 

Riker (whispering offscreen): "Check it out, Bev. I told him it was a new type of piano. He's been trying to find middle C for fifteen minutes now."

 

Troi: Will, you've been trying to find middle C for years and you still haven't.

 

Picard: "'Press Any Key'? Which key is Any Key?"




"You're destroying the universe! You can't huge you children with photonic arms!"

Data: "Sorry, I have to dump you. And no, it is not me, it is you."

 

Data: You know making contact with the warhead arms it, right?





Data: Commander Riker is required by a court order to keep a distance no less than this from all females aboard. If he comes closer to you, call security.





Picard: Mr. Worf, you're taking the phrase "I hope the carpets and drapes match" too literally.




Picard: Ah, the new chairman of the board.




Picard: Who actually watches movies on their tablet anyway? You can't appreciate the action and the sun keeps glaring off the screen.

 

*Captain Obvious Pops His Head Through the Door*

Captain Obvious: Lieutenant Commander actually.

 

Worf: "These readings indicate the droppings are not from a Tribble, but from an Algolian Suntiger."
Picard: "Drinks all around if you can catch it!"

 

PICARD: So I was right!
WORF: Yes sir, housekeeping is slacking.

 

Wesley: (OS) *muffles*What are you going to do to me?

 

D'Sora: You know, this place is really romantic, it's so comfortable!

Data: This room was not designed for comfort, Lt. In fact, it was not designed well at all. Performing delicate operations on a live weapon should not be done on one's knees. If I were human, the stress this would cause on my back would make me unsteady. I intend to file a complaint with Starfleet's interior design team as soon as I finish re-calibrating this torpedo.

 

Data: Don't press fire, don't press fire, don't -