Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #524: Beaming

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

In the last episode of Star Trek: The Next Anime, Troi, Worf, Picard, and Data achieved their final form, unlocking incredible powers, large eyes, and over-exaggerated expressions.

Troi: Beam over, loser, we're going to the Neutral Zone.

Picard: You know what, Number One? I think you're right about Away Missions being too dangerous. Picard out!

Beverly: Crusher, OUT, too!

Riker: Maybe we should have left, too?

Data: Indeed, Sir, it appears they left us with the check.

Fajo: Wait, were you really going to kill me?

Data: You will never know. And, really is that not that worse than me killing you?

Fajo: Yes, just tell me!

You never know where you'll be when diarrhea hits you.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Before going temporarily into medical stasis, Barclay made sure to put on an expression of abject horror in order to mess with the mind of the medical tech who would later wake him up.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Data: I've just realized that we must still be on the holodeck.

Picard: Why?

Data: The transporter effect is not visible in our reflections.

Picard: Merde.

 

[Herbert]

Barclay: The Heisenberg Compensators! I FORGOT TO RECOUPLE THE HEISENBERG COMPENSATORS!!! Aaaaarrrrgh!!

 

[Herbert]

Barclay: Wait, what? You're sending me into a computer program to defeat an insane clown who can kill me with fear? Damn, I knew my Voyager obsession would get the better of me.

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Picard to Enterprise, four to beam up from a vaguely futuristic and kinda cheesy looking set

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Director: "Jonathan, I specifically asked for a "determined, steely gaze off into the sunset". What you're doing looks more like "your mother's staying with us for two whole weeks?""

 

[Herbert]

Data: Dance monkey, dance!
Fajo: <starts to do a soft shoe>
Data: Not as good as the Dancing Doctor. <fires>

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Intriguing. I am unable to determine where the inanimate wooden jungle plant ends and Commander Riker begins.

Yar: ...I like cheese.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Ha, with our advanced transporter technology we'll totally get the drop on those three gun totting criminals!

How did the 24th century Romulans get their forehead ridges? Transporter accidents. Lots of them.

Data: No Sir, according to my tricorder, this is a completely convincing and realistic jungle.

Data: TELL ME WHERE MY IMPRACTICALLY SHAPED COPPER GARDEN CHAIRS ARE!!!!

Barclay: Wait, how is my hair fuller and less receding in Voyager?

 

[Nerys Myk]

REG: Every time I transport I see millions of people staring at me through some sort of viewing device!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Picard: Now that we've intervened enough to put you all in a dangerous spot, we're suddenly going to acknowledge the prime directive.

With the shields down, Tamalak fires instantly and easily destroys the Enterprise.

TASHA: Umm, Riker? More energy beings just showed up.
RIKER: Again? Are these ones omnipotent too?
TASHA: Fraid so.
RIKER: *sigh* I am so not in the mood for this. Start acting violent so they think we're too primitive and leave us alone.

FAJO: Yes. I remade Ghostbusters. Then Close Encounters. Next I might even remake Back To The Future!
DATA: ...I cannot allow this to continue.

BARCALAY: There are creatures in the beam...and they're screwing!

 

[Finn]

Barclay: Of course they aren't gonna believe this. They wouldn't believe me if I found a way to contact a starship 60,000 light years away or stop the Ferengi from having a borg drone travel through a red giant.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Yeah, next time assholes, I'll show you who's boss and send you running home crying for your mothers....
YAR: Uh...sir?
RIKER: They just beamed in behind me, didn't they?
DATA: You may have wet yourself.

 

[shivkala]

TASHA: Umm, Riker? More energy beings just showed up.
RIKER: Again? Are these ones omnipotent too?
TASHA: Fraid so.
RIKER: *sigh* I am so not in the mood for this. Start acting violent so they think we're too primitive and leave us alone.

Data: Sir, what if they are like Portal 63 or the Organians and by acting violent, we provoke them into taking action?

Riker: That's a risk I'm willing to take. Now, be violent!

 

[Hutchy01]

Barclay: There's a terrifying creature in here trying to cause chaos and destruction, I can hear a name, Ber-Man.

(Thanks for the Win, Still not sure how I missed the Vesper joke though)

 

[Leviathan]

Data: Ah, this is my character defining moment will be referenced again and again and again...not merely forgotten by next week.

 

[Leviathan]

Captain's Personal Log: A Klingon, an Android, and a Shrink beam into a bar...

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

After secretly developing transporter technology in his basement, the director decided it would be more fun to surprise everybody with a demonstration than tell Spiner to take five.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Barclay: Damn Starfleet for putting that engineering training center in the middle of North Dakota.