Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #519: A Setup for TATV jokes

[inflatabledalek]

Stewart: They asked me to be in These Are The Voyages. I sent them this to fill in for me instead.

Picard: Will, why are all the entries for Commander Riker Day drawings of you visiting their mothers after their fathers have gone to work?

Riker: Crazy imaginations these kids.

Data: I just had an amusing thought Geordi, imagine if some desperate unfunny comedy episode of Star Trek decided a cloaking device itself becomes invisible when working!

Geordi: That would be embarrassing. I'd hate to be the director of that.

Picard: OK, if we bury the model this deep, they won't be able to find it and we might get some new fucking ship designs on this show.

Set course for the Excelsior!

Picard: Wait...you're still here? Everyone escapes from this cell! Everyone! It might as well have a revolving door. How the hell did it outfox you?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard: "Charlie Brown as a command division officer. Very creative, don't you think?"
Deanna: "Sounds like somebody's still in enial-day about his airline-hay..."
Picard: "What was that?"
Deanna: (clears throat) "Othing-nay."

 

[Qonundrum]

Stewart: "I told them I wanted to do more away team duties. They sent me pictures of my stunt double instead."

Troi: "Wil, you'd be jealous of this one."

Picard: "Why all the TV commercials?"

Riker: "Because this show costs too much to make without them. That and Troi will just love the new panties they had just shown in the last ad."

Data: "Geordi, I do not believe it is within regulation to have an espresso maker in Engineering."

Geordi: "Hey, Ensign Gomez had a point - even if I'm five years slow in picking up on it. I wonder if she's still single..."

Picard: "What happened Mr Data?"

Data: "Sensors show no life forms, but do show an unusual substance within the corpses."

Riker: "They must have been stoned at the time. This rocks!"

Pressman: "Shut up Wesley!"

Riker: "Sorry, just channeling. I wonder whatever happened to him. And Ensign Ro."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Troi: "Captain, look at all this -- you must really be loved on the ship. The attention to detail, the time taken to make some of the more involved projects, the pure--"

Picard: "Number one -- engage subspace eBay!"

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Picard: That's enough, Number One. You can get off the Shame Toilet now.

 

[Finn]

Troi: this kid drew a picture of you leaving Beverly's quarters, without a shirt on...

Captain's Log: From now on, I'll beam in and out before and after breakfast at Beverly's...

 

[huskers57]

Picard - This is an amazing likeness... if I had a clone on Remus!

Geordi - Are you sure you can hook up this thing?

Data - You kidding, sir?

Voice-over - Don't let this happen to you! You can see thism awful event, from our secret reporter on the Enterprise who was able to capture these exclusive images! Don't let this happen to you!!! Commander Riker sports a full head of hair, while Admiral Pressman is exhibiting Stage 2 male-pattern baldness...Captain Picard... Stage 3!!

DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!

Riker - This is a new brig, Captain... it is escape-proof.
Picard- How do you know?
Riker - The designers tested it, using the most intelligent and resourceful person they could fine. He failed to escape.
Picard - This person... wouldn't be you then.

 

[Jedman67]

PICARD: "It's confirmed. Firefly has been cancelled."
RIKER: *sob* "you can't take the sky from meee....you can't take the sky from meeee...."

 

[f14peter]

PICARD: "These aliens are being very uncooperative ... suggestions gentlemen!"

RIKER: "Gotta play it like poker, seven-card stud. Run a bluff like we have a pair of threes and they have four hearts showing"

LAFORGE: "Well, I could reroute the futzlemak flow through the flappenjammer valve, although we would need to adjust the puzenwackel pressure to within .000001% of the zipp-pop-gunzel ratio --"

WORF: "Shoot them"

ADMIRAL PRESSMAN: "I'm with Worf"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Sorry, Commander Burnham. Seems that Starfleet forgot about you.
BURNHAM: That sounds like my brother.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"There is nothing wrong with your subspace television; do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling the sub space communication. We will control the horizontal. We will control the ver -- HEY! I said don't adjust it, asshole."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Sorry Number One, standard procedure....uh, how long have your eyes been silver?

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: - and you can come back to the bridge when you've finished airing out your junk. We can't keep going through pilots.

 

[LeadHead]

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