Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #519: A Setup for TATV jokes

Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late, I got busy yesterday and didn't get around to working on the contest. I'm judging today, but in the meantime, here's the new contest!

EDIT: Well, that wasn't done on Tuesday like planned, but here are the winners before the next contest!



First up to the plate, we have the "Commercial Continuity" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:


Redshirt: "Can we move now?"
Data: "No. Maintain your position. The commercial break will end in 47 seconds."
Redshirt: "Easy for you to say. My neck's getting sore."


Next, we have the "Selection Criteria" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:



WESLEY: Oh my God, who do I save? Which one of you has more connections I can use to advance my career?


Next, we have the "Renegade or Paragon?" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:


ROMULAN: You trying to free me or impale me?
WORF: Still deciding.


Next, we have the "Making fun of CSI and Futurama in a single caption!" Award, going to shivkala for:



Riker: Zoom in! Enhance! Engisn, why's it still distorted?!

Wesley: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.

Riker: It does on CSI: Miami.



Next, we have the "PUNS!" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:



Riker: No wonder they have problems, this is the worst operation I've ever seen! No helmets, pick axes, little carts on tracks... How are they ever going to get any coal or diamonds out of here?

Data: MINOR malfunctions Sir.





The Award goes to Mr Soak for:



Captain's Log: We have encountered the Dog Aliens. In order to show no hostile intentions, we're not looking them in the eye.




Our KBL goes to Mojochi for:



Worf: Ewww, yuck, some of his bowels are coming out of the wound.

Romulan: Aww man... Why'd you tell me that? I can never unsee that right there



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

We have done many polls to get your wants for the episode-centric contests. The last one ended in a tie! So this week, "The Pegasus," next week, "Lower Decks," the following week, "Genesis" and the week after will be "All Good Things..."













Enjoy!

 

Picard: The children certainly went all out for this.

Troi: Umm...

Riker: I made all of these, Sir.



Picard and the crew didn't react well to the new Twin Peaks.



Data: I am unsure that this device will do what the Admiral says it will.

La Forge: Me too. It's a large glass tube with lights inside.




Picard: It's pieces of the Grissom! In the spirit of J.T. Esteban, notify starfleet and get instructions.

Worf: Aye, Sir. Encoding your message.



Picard: You're lucky, Number One. The JAG cut you a deal, since they haven't had as many corrupt Admirals to prosecute this season.

 

TROI: This is a great one, it's a picture of you, taking hundreds of children into a war zone.



LOCKE: Oh my God. I've gone back in time to when I won that contest and got to tour the Star Trek sets! I can make everything different this time around, this time I won't forget to get Brent Spiner's autograph!
MICHAEL DORN: You can't change history. You can't get Brent Spiner's autograph.
LOCKE: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!
LEVAR BURTON: Alright, that's a wrap on episode 164.



DATA: Query. Why did the largest country in the region surrounded by enemies agree to sign a treaty to give our enemies a crushing tactical advantage over us?
GEORDI: That's hard to explain Data. Sometimes...humans aren't very logical.
DATA: One would hope their diplomats to be.



RIKER: The cave is collapsing!
PICARD: This is no cave.



PICARD: Good news Will, the episode is over!
RIKER: Phew! We can finally forget this all ever happened.

 

"You found it, Jean-Luc, the ship Counselor Troi previously served on until she took the helm, and, well ... you can see the consequences."





Picard: "This is for letting Deanna take the helm. You must promise never to do it again."

Riker: "Do movies count?"

 

Picard: ...and for goodness' sake! Archer's dog was a bloody beagle, not a greyhound.

 

La Forge: Data, is that a still?

Data: Ah, Geordi. I was told you would not be on duty.

 

Geordi: "Get it? Ha ha ha..."
Data: "Caaaaarlos."
Geordi: "Huh?"
Data: "A child character from a 20th century cartoon notable for his bad jokes."

 

TROI: "How cute! Your very own Voodoo doll!"
PICARD (frowning): "But it only has 3 pips on the collar...?"
RIKER: <whistling>


RIKER: "I was only ten, the last time I was put in time out."
PICARD: "Say you're sorry, Will."
RIKER: "Fiiineee. I'm sorry, Captain. NOW can I please come out??"

 

Riker: "Am I trapped in here, or are you trapped out there?"



Geordi: "What's that thing?"
Data: "We androids don't speak of it to outsiders."

 

Picard: "When you said your new place was a hole in the wall, you weren't joking."

 

Riker: Oh, thank god. I thought this was like a fleetwide observance or something



Picard: I have one serious itch to scratch on my chest

Pressman: I bet you wish you had a zipper in the front



Geordi: What's the data say?

Data: I have not said anything, Geordi. You should be more observant



Pressman: Court-martials for anyone who makes a "Rock & a hard place" joke



Riker: Could you dim the lights, while you're at it? I couldn't sleep at all last night

Picard: You didn't know about the clapper feature?

 

If there's one feature Riker knows about, it's the clapper.

 

The Winners have been added to the first post of this contest!

Thank you to the Moderator who did the Stickying on this contest before I got around to requesting it!

 

Picard: "Ah, I see you're deep in contemplation of the crime you've committed."

Riker: "No, perplexed how in a space this small I still can't find the toilet."

 

Picard: I shall call him....Mini-Me.


Picard: Will, come out of there.
Riker: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Picard: If I have to put up with Ambassador Troi, YOU have to.


Picard: We are the Federation. Lower your shields and surrender your ship-
<cough>
Sorry. Had a little Borg in my throat.


Picard: Unregistered Firefly, this is the Starship Enterprise, of the United Federation of Planets. You are conducting an unauthorized salvage mission on a ship in Federation space. Stand down immediately or there will be consequences!
Firefly: (Noise)
Picard: Data, what was that?
Data: It sounded like Chinese, captain.


LaForge: You put the plus side up and the minus side down, right?


Picard: Ah, the Horta have arrived.

 

Picard: Only the Captain gets to Crossover, You got that?

 

Riker: I'm Captain Picard and arms and legs are for sissies! Make it so!
Troi: I'm Captain Picard and this drawing of a radish sucks! Make it so!
Picard: I'm Captain Picard and I claim right of Prima Noctae! Make it so!
...
Too on the nose?


Riker: If you're here for a conjugal visit, you're too late. Thomas gave me some pointers.
Picard: TMI!


Picard: Boy, serving on the Pegasus really adds years to your life.
Riker: Michelle Forbes?
Picard: Wrong franchise, but OK


Data: Geordi can you help me monitor the phase coefficient matrix?
Geordi: Sorry. I've been asked by Human Resources to stop "touching Leah's engine".


Picard: I heard the Klingons used unmanned shuttles for experimenting with their cloaking device.
Pressman: Well they're not bound by the Plot Directive, are they!

 

"Redshirts, Redshirts, what do you see?
I see a Space Rock about to hit me..."

 

Thanks for the win!



Picard: Not good enough, damn it. Not good enough! This is the best they can do? Number One, instruct the teachers to have the students try again and this time put some damned effort into it.



Worf: See, sir? Your speech has caused that asteroid to engulf the ship.

Picard: Shut up, Worf, that's the phase cloak!



Data: Geordi, Commander Riker inquired about installing the phase cloak in me and replacing my eyes with ones capable of recording video. Should I be concerned?

Geordi: Yes! You'll have to file form 37-B to complain about being used for sexual harassment, Data.

Data: That was oddly specific, from my experience, humans lack the ability to recall mundane information such as that form number.

GeordI: I've, um, seen a lot of those forms, Data.

Data: Ah, good, then you can help me fill it out.

Geordi: Yeah, I'm not usually the one filling them out...




Riker: Well, sure, now that I see it from this angle, I can see why you didn't give me a pass on my driving test.



Picard: You're free, Commander. Your sentence has been commuted to time served.

Riker: Really? My hours of contemplation amount to time served?

Picard: No, but your part in "These are the Voyages" does.

 

Picard: "Sorry, Will -- you're probation hearing didn't go well. Turns out the night guard caught you jettisoning your number one. AKA: O.J.-ing it."