Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #506: Two Enterprises, One Episode

Callisto: What'll you have - Pickled Snot? Rat's Slop Tray? Hobbit Vomit?
Yar: I'll just have a regular drink.
Castillo: Oh, they have drinks here?

 

Worf: What is it?
Guinan: A Plot Hole.

 

Captain's Log: Our appearance on 'Pimp my Ride' has not gone well.

 

CASTILLO: So, you wanna introduce me?
GUINAN: You're out of luck, pal. Never seen her before today.
YAR: Back atcha, lady. Before today,I didn't even know this placed existed!

 

Castillo: "So, how YOU doing."

 

Worf: A great big space hole could come in handy after all this prune juice.




Crosby: I guess they gave you Shatner's uniform tunic from how...baggy it looks.





Picard: Hmm, the orange plastic is...orange.

Does anyone know what this is actually for?




Yar: So if i go sacrifice myself in the past, the timeline will change so I never leave Star Trek to foolishly pursue a film career that become nothing more than doing guest spots on Star Trek?




Picard: We're doing quite well against these Birds of Prey considering we're outnumbered.

Riker: I know, imagine living in a timeline where the Enterprise gets destroyed by one, twenty year old, ship because the guy in command didn't know how to fire all weapons at once!

 

GUINAN: "What will it be, Lieutenant?"
Castillo: "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot."
PICARD: <over comm> "Get him off my ship!!"


(cont)
GUINAN: "And there he goes!"
WORF: "Too bad it wasn't Wesley!"

 

"The Starlight Zone" -Worf and Guinan are the only ones aware that the Enterprise-D is actually a child's toy. Can they stop a toddler from flushing them?

 

Riker: "Mr. Data, please turn off that soliloquy light."
Data: "The what, Commander?"
Picard: "Is this a dagger which I see before me..."
Riker: "Too late."

 

Castillo: Hey sexy, what's your name?
Yar: Ain't sexy.
Castillo: You can call me Castillo, Aunt Sexy.
Yar: Yar.
Castillo: Yes, I am Castillo, Aunt Sexy.
Yar: No - Tasha, Calypso.
Castillo: Sorry - Notasha. And it's Castillo, actually.
Yar: No - TASHA
Castillo: Sorry! noTASHA. I know you're not from Earth.
Yar: TURKANA!
Castillo: It's true!
Yar: Listen. Callista -
Castillo: CASTILLO.
Yar: YAR.
Castillo: Yes, I am. Why is that an issue, Notasha?
Yar: DICK!
Castillo: Yes, but I prefer Richard, Notasha.
Yar: YAR!
Castillo: I just said I was. I thought this was a synthahol bar, but...?
Guinan: Oh, I see what's going on here. Perhaps I can be of service. This is Lieutenant Yar, and she came from Turkana Four.
Castillo: Yes, I'm a Lieutenant. She came from Turkana for - what? A Supercut?
Yar: You're one to talk! Last time I saw a rug like that a tribble was humping it LIEUTENANT DICK!
Castillo: IT'S PAUL MITCHELL!
Yar: OK, SO SORRY LIEUTENANT PAUL MITCHELL! GEEZ, YOU'RE HOSTILE.
Castillo: NO - IT'S NOT LIEUTENANT PAUL MITCHELL YOU TURKEY!
Yar: TURKANAN!
Castillo: CASTILLO.
Yar: YAR!
Castillo: THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID NOTASHA!
Yar: NO!!! TASHA!!!
Castillo: If you ever see some old guy staring long and hard at you from across the room - IT WON'T BE ME, I'LL BE DEAD
Yar: From what? A TRIBBLE INFECTION DICK??
Callisto: OH, NOW WHO'S BEING HOSTILE!

 

Castillo: You ever feel like there's another timeline or universe out there...and that it is constantly Judging us? Perhaps we could hear if we were able to listen...
Guinan: Most of it's just fart jokes.

 

Castillo: We think you need to tone it down with the hair gel.
Yar: It's just a couple dabs.
Castillo: click click ...
Guinan: Sorry Tasha. It's more than a couple dabs.
Castillo: Have you considered mousse? Or a hat?
Guinan: You leave my hat out of this.
Yar: Why do I smell pork rinds?

 

GUINAN: Oh crap, someone better call the lawyers.

 

Picard: Set phasers to frag.


Michael Dorn: *sigh* My career after this show. I see it now.


Castillo: I came over here with a pick-up line, but suddenly I'm terrified of you.
Guinan: I've seen that look before. You should be.


Castillo: When I come back, I want an old-fashioned on the rocks.
Yar: That's really not his job.
Castillo: On my Enterprise, redunant crewmen serve drinks.
Yar: Might explain why you're being rescued.


In the future, even Etch-a-Sketches have gotten slimmer.

 

PICARD: I think I'll start with a nice white wine, the Gewurztraminer.

 

Worf: Well it says here, barring any Deus Ex Machinas, if we target the center of the contrivance with our MacGuffins, we should be well into the denouement by 3 pm.

 

Guinan: Dammit! Not again!
Worf: Maybe you should consider smaller hats.

 

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