Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #501: Conspiracy Theory

First Officer's Log: Those two lost me again, with Data's technobabble and Picard's Shakespeare talk, so I've taken to squinting and turning my head to the left so the picture would look like it's of Deanna in the shower.

 

DATA: From what I've read its seems this BBS thinks you are Wesley's father, Riker is creepy, Geordi has no sex life and Counselor Troi can't drive.

 

Picard: No, that's not true. That's impossible.
Data: Read the entries, captain. You must see this to be true.
Picard: I meant that someone could know about the boy- er, nevermind.

 

Data: In 2017, the greatest manipulation a zoo has developed to collect money was informing citizens the birth of a giraffe was imminent , yet was in fact, still several weeks away. People lost sleep, jobs, and gambling spiked while they sat at their screens in anticipation.

 

Savar: "I told you not to touch my stuff!"

 

Data: The IT department said we should try rebooting it.

 

Riker: And as you can see from the period from here to here, you can see that our quarterly attendance records have continued to remain flat, which seems to correlate with our no-raise salary policy -
Savar: IT TOOK FIFTEEN MINUTES TO MAKE YOUR POINT


Data: Botany eBay page, cut & paste content from the mission log, one Spacebook ad, and cha-CHING, 10,000 pennywhistle replicas selling like Ressikan tortillas. Thank you "archeology".
Riker: I told you not to leave him alone with the merchandise for five minutes.
Picard: I'm grubbing in alien caves for weeks and he's already earned enough to buy his own starship.
Data: Here's twenty quatloos, go buy yourself a new pith helmet.

 

DATA: And that my friends is how you use multi-quote.
RIKER: I still don't see why posting more than three times in a row is so bad.

 

Captain's log: And that was the LAST time Riker played the Red Alert prank.



Picard: My god... You're right, Mr. Data. Technically, I'm the 1st officer, Riker is 2nd & you're 3rd



Riker should have should've suspected alien influence. Being left handed is so totally illogical



Crusher: When we cure Riker of this aging disease, remind me to tell him to grow a beard. He's gonna look like HELL when he gets older.



Picard: For... the ... last... time... Shut up, Wesley.

 

WORF: I say we kill him!
CRUSHER: You really suck at medicine, Worf.

 

Crusher: OK Worf, the legs are on the table behind you and I have the other parts in jars by the door. We should have this Admiral of the Week assembled in an hour.

 

Picard: Starfleet protocol Will. Dramatic pause...contemplate destruction of sentient life...ok...now we yell "IT'S COMING RIGHT AT US" and fire.

 

RIKER: Thanks for helping me clean the garage.
PICARD: Good lord! I'm gonna need more than a dustbuster!

 

Little known fact: the Vulcan Neck Pinch actually evolved as a way to enforce good table manners. It's the LOGICAL way.

 

Picard: Number One, doesn't it bother you that my phaser is bigger than yours?
Riker: I've never needed more, sir.




Savar: Tag. Logically speaking, you are it.

 

SAVAR: I think we've had enough of your vacation slides, Commander.

 

Crusher: It looks like a postganglionic nerve.
Worf: No, Doctor - that is clearly a preganglionic fiber.
Crusher: Don't tell me my business. Do I go down to the shipyard and knock the tribbles out of your cargo hold??


Riker: My sunburn!
Savar: This pleases us.

 

TFTW LH!




Picard: Wow, what a strange dream...I'd become a dune buggy driving action here with a camp clone, Data had another evil twin we all inexplicably trusted and then he died pointlessly. Plus we were all too old and fat to be serving officers. Crazy stuff.





Riker: May I be excused briefly sir? Nipple chaff from the uniform is really getting on my tits. Literally.




Vulcan Set Designer: Excuse me Jonathan, but we haven't actually finished building this set yet. Look at all that empty blackness, couldn't you tell?




Crusher: The neck is one problem, but I'm more concerned by him having filled all four of those massive urine sample jars.




Picard: So wait, the BBC will cut this out from the episode, but leave the sequence in the clip show? That makes no sense!

 

Riker: The gold trim isn't logical
Savar: Oh, shut up

 

Picard: 2017? So soon after the Harambe Incident. Blessed by his name.

Riker: All Hail Harambe!