Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #499: Klingons!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, thanks to a busy schedule and technical problems, the winners will not be announced until Tuesday. EDIT: No, Thursday. EDIT: Maybe Friday. EDIT: Time Machine, anyone?

First up to the plate, we have the "Poor Communications" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Picard: Oh, the old big-head psychout, eh? Ops, ready my overhead strobe light! Counselor! Turtle Wax!



Next, we have the "Ooooooo! They're in trouble now!" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Worf: You two are coming with me to the principal's office.




Next, we have the "Proper Care" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Riker: There. All cleaned up... Guess who gets to do the burpies....... Oooooooh Worf?



Next, we have the "Sgt. Bilko Award for Restraint" going to Nerys Myk for:

TARR: Hold me back, guys or I'm totally gonna kick this guy's ass!!! Hold me back! Hold me back!!!!
(Gets a worried look)
Seriously hold me back.



Next, we have the "Starship got back" Award, going to Inflatabledalek for:

Bok: I've summoned you here to look at my ship's sexy ass.

The Award goes to shivkala for:

Picard: Captain's Log--Perhaps it is my prejudice against Ferengi for what happened to the Stargazer, but, no, they really are horrible at improv. There's no doubt about it. No sense of comedic timing.

Our KBL goes to tharpdevenport for:

Data: "Remarkable, Captain. The Ferengi are casting shadows from a light source which is not behind them."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Gowron: The man who doesn't want to be Chancellor says what?

Duras: What?

Picard: Well, that settles it.

Sometimes actors didn't like the crew hanging large lights above them while they were filming.

Lursa: Nah, this plan stinks. Now if we were to take on the Enterprise in a bird-of-prey...

Worf: Commander, I do not know why I am here?

Riker: Just listen, Worf.

J'Dan: Pretty much no Klingons ever wear those baldrics any more. They went out of style once our foreheads got bumpy.

Kick me signs are especially dangerous to Klingons.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Just saw the new Klingon looks and uniforms.

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Then it's settled, we will decide the Chancellor by the ancient Klingon tradition of seeing who has the best, "Your Mama" Jokes.

Gowron: Your mom’s so ugly, your dad takes her to work with him every day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Duras: Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Picard: This is going to be a long night...

Klingons:
All our times have come
Here but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain, we can be like they are
Come on baby, don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...

Crusher: *plays the cowbell*

Toral: I'm a real boy!

Worf: I must protest, this is humiliating!

Riker: Worf, for the last time, can you please be quiet while we interview new prospects for the job of Security Chief?

Worf: But that's my job!

Riker: It was, until the Captain got tired of your awful, awful suggestions.

Here we see the rarely used Klingon Breath Weapon in action.

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: That idiot actually believed that the death howl is a thing. I owe several people latinum bars now.

 

[Nerys Myk]

J'DAN: Why am I setting on a 20th Century office chair from Office Max?
RIKER: Quiet! We're asking the questions here!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOWRON: I've seen the Enterprise C and that model doesn't look like the C.
DURAS: Well, Picard?
PICARD: We do not discuss it with outsiders.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: So.... How may I help you by abusing the Prime Directive today?

Riker couldn't resist using his dog whistle while the Klingons were aboard

Toral: I did NOT find my warrior armor in the women's section!......... It was in juniors.......... And yes... it came with a toy bat'leth

J'Dan: You accuse me because I am Klingon!

Troi: Our chief of security is a Klingon...

J'Dan: and seeing how you ignore or ridicule every suggestion he's ever made, I stand by my claim

Captain's Log, Supplemental: Nut grab... Works every time

 

[Ithekro]

J'DAN: Why am I setting on a 20th Century office chair from Office Max?
RIKER: Quiet! We're asking the questions here!

TROI: Too many rooms on this ship. The interior decorators decide to just say "Chair: Random" into the replicator.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ATTENBOROUGH: The Klingon chicks eagerly await the return of their mother to the nest with fresh gagh

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Korris: We shall gargle with K'Listerine as all true warriors do. Targ-breath is without honor!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Ch'Kin L'tl was right. The sky is falling!

 

[Noname Given]

[Translated from the original Klingon]:
Klingons (Singing):
"Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plains,
Where the wavin' wheat,
Can sure smell sweet,
When the wind comes right behind the rain..."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: I've come from the future to tell you that if you don't stop being assholes, Worf will murder you both.
DURAS: You PA'TAK! Just for that, I'm going to start killing people Worf loves!
GOWRON: And just for that, I'm going to stubbornly go against Worf even when he's obviously right!
PICARD: *sigh*, ****ing predestination paradoxes.

The Klingon remake of Glee was not well received by critics.

TORAL: When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die! Oh, wait. Crap. I think I've made a mistake. I'm just gonna go.

NORAH SATIE (Offscreen): Don't lie! We know you were behind the attack in Bowling Green! And the one in Sweden!
J'DAN: Umm...can I talk to someone else?
WORF: Yeah, this is getting a bit much.

PICARD: Klingon assassin! Y U NO use blaster?

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: I really thought we'd have a better turn out for this year's Poetry Slam.
WORF: Maybe you shouldn't have voted "Ode To Spot" as last year's winner.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: And so, for the sake of expedience, the first one in this room who can spell the ambassador's name will be Chancellor.
Duras: Damn.
Gowron: Blast.
K'Ehleyr: Crap.

Trio: ♪And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ♫
WILL NEVER DISCOMMODATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
YOU, YOU, MY cha'DIch, YOOOOOOOOU
♫
Dying Guy: Just hand me my Hegh'bat ritual suicide knife!

Toral: Forget these ascension to power schemes - the real criminal is your interior decorator! Now that's a scam artist!

J'Dan: Am I involved in a conspiracy? Sure - and "plexing" is a sound psychotherapeutic technique.
Riker: He makes a good point.

Klingon: Here, let me cut that errant thread for you. Aaaarrrrgh!
Picard: Well, that explains why there are few Klingon haberdashers.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TORAL: And my first act as Chancellor will be fix these damn lights! Seriously, I can't see a damn thing!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Turns out Klingons really don't discuss it with outsiders.

Klingon: I wasn't expecting some kind of Starfleet inquisition.
...
..I SAID, I wasn't expecting some kind of Sta-
Troi: Oh, that was a joke! We were supposed to say something silly.

Picard: We've brought you here for one simple reason. We want to know: is your blood really hot pink? Because it's rather hard to take you seriously with blood that resembles digestive medicine.

 

[Ithekro]

Duras: These security guards lack honor. Where are their glorious red uniforms to signify their willingness to die for their people?

Blonde flowing spiky hair in three, two....

Comedy Night at Kling's

You three have no sense of humor. Everyone else 'died' honorable because of that joke.

Reaction to classic Klingon insult 77B99: "Your father was General Jar Jar Binks."

 

[Tenacity]

Picard: "The matter will be settled thusly. Music will begin to play and the four of us will circle the table, when the music stops we sit down, the one without a chair is disqualified, a chair is removed and the process continues until only one person is seated.

D'jan: "I am dishonored that so few came."
Deanna: "I enjoyed your epic poem."
Riker: "It capture the essence of being a true warrior.'
Worf: "Meh."