Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #484: Doctor Crusher, I Presume

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest! I'm glad to get it started still (technically) on the weekend! (in my part of the world)

First up to the plate, we have the "How bad are the interest rates?" Award, going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

This is Worf, son of Mogh, for the Federation Express card. Don't leave the quadrant without it!


Next, we have the "Doomed Romance" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Worf: Dear Worf, I'm still probably going to marry Will someday, Love Deanna


Next, the "For the record, this group of Character contests is going in Main Title sequence order. LeadHead, Son of Raiders Fan will defend his fathers honor all the way to Sto'Vo'Kor!" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Worf: Leadhead! You did a Yar contest before mine? Your father was a liar and a traitor!


Next, we have the "See the Doctor, get a Lollipop" Award, going to Kick the Can for:

Beverly: There there, all better. You can see the receptionist on your way out for a pink lollie.
Worf: KLINGONS DO NOT LIKE PINK LOLLIES!
...
WE LIKE RED ONES! RED LIKE THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES!!!


Next, we have the "Positronic Recall" Award, going to shivkala for:

Worf: I know he's valuable and the odds of it happening are low, but as Security Chief I cannot take the risk of him exploding, so I'm returning our Data Note 7 to the store for an exchange. Perhaps we should go with an iOS device and not another Android?


A Special Award, for creativity and if someobody wanted to properly Phoenix Wright Photoshop this, I think it would be Awesome Award, going to Hutchy01 for:

OBJECTION!

The Award goes to The Green Monster for:

Security Officer's Log: It has been a year since Tasha died. The idiot still doesn't even realize I have nothing on this padd when I tell him the daily security reports.

The KBL goes to Huskers57 for:

Worf - "When I asked for a new portable data device, this is not what I meant!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, I proudly present the first and third Chief Medical Officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Doctor Beverly Crusher!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Don't worry, I talked Admiral Brand into dropping charges against Wesley and keeping him here an extra year.

Crusher: Whew!

Crusher: 20 credits says Worf gets zapped before he gets to Picard.

Crusher: NOBODY interrupts tea time!

Crusher: I've got better things to do than hide your hickeys, Will.

Waiter: Your card has been declined.

Worf: Not again...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "There are rumours going around that you conduct strange experiments on yourself with alien DNA in sickbay."
Crusher: "Certainly not. I am entirely ethical."
Picard: "Good."
Crusher: "I suppose a blowjob's out of the question?"
Picard: "Wait... what?"

Worf: "We're too late."
Shelby: "The Captain!"
Data: "... has been assimilated by the Borg Queen."
Crusher: "The slut!"

Wesley: "... I saved the ship this morning, then I had warp calculus theory lessons on the holodeck, which I breezed through. I'm still trying to understand girls though. Then I had a shift on the bridge where I'm an acting ensign. Did I tell you Captain Picard made me an acting ensign? I think he likes me, I really do. I wouldn't mind if he was my dad. I think it's a sign of approval when he puts his face in his palm. Like he did this afternoon when I saved the ship again, this time from an increase in galactic particle flux. All I had to do was change course by 0.005 degrees to starboard. The Captain was so grateful he sent me to engineering to help Geordi. Geordi needs my help a lot in engineering when I'm on the bridge. I think the Captain was hasty in promoting him to Chief Engineer. He sends me down there a lot to fix his mistakes. But Geordi's really grateful when I do that. He sighs a lot. That's gratitude, right? Anyway, I've got to go. I have to save the ship again before asking Commander Riker more about girls."

Crusher: thinking "Sixteen hours in labour!"

Captain's Log: "In retrospect the job exchange programme is to be discontinued with immediate effect on the Enterprise. While the Doctor's facility with a laser beard trimmer is exemplary according to Commander Riker, it appears that the casualty rate under Mr Mot in sickbay is excessive. It's a pity, as Security Chief Troi and Counsellor Worf were an improvement."

Data: "In the event of a faux pas, I am programmed to act a a chaperone in 15,000 different cultures."

 

[Hutchy01]

Riker: "It would be most effective if you would cut the carotid artery just under the left ear."

 

[huskers57]

Too obvious... "SHUT UP WESLEY!!"

[OS] - "Sorry for the interruption, folks, but I always do the last dance of the season. This year somebody told me not to. So I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer, but somebody... who's taught me... that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them. Somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be. Mr. Wesley Crusher!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Are you sure? Frankly, he doesn't look a thing like me.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW The Illusive Man!

Picard: Did you think that Will's buildup rushed the harmonic probing and wound up a little flat in the middle 8 before the turnaround, just before ending with the hook?
Beverly: Yeah. I warned him male enhancement surgery needs time to heal.

Worf: Duke duke duke, duke of earl, duke duke, duke of earl, duke duke, duke of earl, duke duke...
Data: As I walk through this world, Nothing can stop the Duke of Earl, And-a you, you are my girl, And no one can hurt you, oh no
Beverly: Yes-a, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, oh I'm gonna love you, oh oh, Come on let me hold you darlin', 'Cause I'm the Duke of Earl, So heeeeeeeeey yea yea yeah
Shelby: Ah-mum-bum-ba mum-bum-ba mum-bum-ba mum-bum-ba
The Borg: A-WEEMA-WEH, A-WEEMA-WEH, A-WEEMA-WEH, A-WEEMA-WEH....
Worf: The Borg have adapted!

Wesley: It's a fact. Earl Grey tea was given to Lord Grey by a Chinese mandarin, and was flavoured with bergamot oranges.
Beverley: ...
Wesley: Just saying, you'd think it would have been a mandarin orange.
Beverley ...
Wesley: That would have been a nifty fact.

Crusher: So, how "ironic" do you want the beard?
Riker: Oh, I don't know. Somewhere between Ernest Hemingway and Red Green, I guess. Is that ironic enough?
Crusher: Oh, in a way.

Data: Check it out. The house wine is Chateau Picard.
Beverly: I thought the sommelier's complexion looked dyspeptic!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WAITER: Sorry, but that's the largest table we have.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

(Music stops)
DATA: *whine*
CRUSHER: "Whatever you do, Worf, don't turn around. We won these spots fair and square."
WORF: "I am a warrior. Warriors look their defeated foes in the eye!"
CRUSHER: "Worf, I've played musical chairs with Data before. Trust me, not even a Klingon could resist android pout face..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wes: "Mom? Mom? Mom? It's me, Wesley, mom. Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Can you hear me, mom? Mom? Mom? MOM? You look angry, mom. Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? You look like you want to toss that potentially hazardous liquid in my young innocent face, mom. Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom???"

 

[Nerys Myk]

RAMSAY: So, is the the #&@$*^<! table that can't pay the #&@$*^<! bill because they don't use #&@$*^<! money?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "I am experiencing nIb'poH -- the feeling this image has been caption before..."

http://www.trekbbs.com/threads/tng-caption-this-193-personal-space.134299/#post-4621811

 

[Leviathan]

Wes: So, if it's been passed down for generations, do I inherit Great-Grandma's 'special' candle? What's it do?

(For those of you who thought ol' Sub Rosa coudn't get any worse)

 

[Hutchy01]

Worf: "I am experiencing nIb'poH -- the feeling this image has been caption before..."

Data: But now it's in HD!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

CMO's Log: Today was one of those days when I felt Jack and I picked the wrong egg from my ovaries at that fertility clinic.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: For the last time, I don't know why Professor Xavier looks like me, Beverly, now quiet and watch the movie!

Crusher: Chief Medical Officer's Personal Log--I just remembered, I'm allergic to stressful situations. They upset my bowels. I will try to blame Worf for this, though. It's worked in the past.

Wesley: Mom, you are not in the warp bubble again, I know you can hear me. Mom? MOM?!

Crusher: Don't panic, Will, but it's your standard "Male Crewmember is impregnated" plot. But, on the plus side, your breasts are about to get humongous!

Waiter: A 1 star review on Yelp? Already? You've barely ordered.

Worf: Bringing us our drinks an hour after we ordered is without honor!

 

[Finn]

Worf: Irving Berlin....

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: Mom, when is it too late to change your mind about a pregnancy?
Beverly: I suppose after they'e made Lieutenant.

 

[Leviathan]

A rarely seen deleted scene: Starfleet first encounters the Borg Probe-u-lator.

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: So this movie 'The Hunt for Red October' only has one female actor?