Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #479: Picard, Jean-Luc

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD:It'll be just for a few weeks. I promise.
JOHNNY: I dunno, mate. I can't speak a lick of French.
PICARD: Just toss in a "Merde" every once in a while. Oh and lay offf the Shakespeare.
JOHNNY: But I love Shakespeare!

 

[Jedman67]

Picard 1: "This is great, you can't even see the greenscreen matte!"
Picard 2: "That's how the klingons cloaking technology works, right?"

 

[Tenacity]

Admiral Necheye (os): "No Picard, you may not bounce my bodacious boobies."

Troi (whispering): "Spiking his earl grey was a great idea Will."

 

[Kevin Thomas Riley]

PICARD: Ladies, you know what they say about the size of a man's hand, right?

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: So it's agreed. I will walk across the bridge ordering everyone to follow me into the briefing room - just before you step off the turbolift.
Picard: And I will dress down Lieutenant Worf for being late for the briefing.
Picard: And when he enters the briefing room, I will dress him down for dawdling and order him to fetch my personnel review PADD from my ready room so I can give him a demerit.
Picard: - Where I will be drinking tea, and I will tell him to stop dilly-daddling already. And make it two demerits!

 

[inflatabledalek]

TFTW LH!

Picard: Laxwana, now the Ferengi have stolen your clothes I see you really are... a handful.

Vash: You know, I nearly wore exactly the same jumper today.

Crusher: Really?!

Vash: No.

Picard: I see you're feeling a...little horse Mr. Data.

Data: The horse is of normal size Sir.

Picard: Oh sod off.

Picard: Now this is the "Two Captains: One Destiny" I'm really talking about.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The Doublemint Twins make it so.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate -
Riker: And make us want lots of beer....

 

[Catarina]

[Song] A double pleasure is waiting for you.
A double pleasure from double mint gum.
A double great feeling, making you realize, double mints the one for you.
Double fresh, Double smooth, double delicious to chew.
A double pleasure is waiting for you. Double mint gum

 

[Catarina]

Sirtis thinking: There goes Old Baldy ruining a good take with a bloody musical number.

 

[Catarina]

Vash: Beverly, I see you've met that Tac Tac as that 90's Cerulean sweater is quite Tacky.

 

[Triskelion]

Crusher: Wow I can't wait to wear this even bigger invisible sweater you are crocheting, Vash. But how long should we stand here holding the yarn?
Vash: Until Triskelion figures out how to Photoshop this one.
Picard: Merde.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf thinking "Hello, Tactical officer here. I could just shoot the Ferengi. Ambassador Troi would be just collateral damage. It's not like you really want to rescue her. I should get to shoot more stuff. We never shoot stuff. I feel like fifth wheel on these occasions. I wonder if honey glazed targ will go with goulash..."

CMO's personal log: "After Jean-Luc's suggestion of a threesome this evening, I've rewritten the Hippocratic Oath to do no 'permanent' harm. Our esteemed Captain will be out of traction in a week, which coincidentally is when the ship's painkiller shortage will come to an end."

Picard: "Yes, actors. Now I know that you are going to say something period specific and wholly offensive, quite possibly about my blind friend. Believe it or not, this whole incident will be studied in the future in little boxes by family audiences. We have to keep it clean, and politically correct. This is San Francisco, not Rock Ridge."

Picard: "Well, I have to hand it to you, Data. This is an exceptional animal that you've programmed, just the right blend of control and independence, and an agreeable personality. Did you name the horse?"
Data: "Spot."
Picard: "Spot?"
Data: "Android... no imagination."

Picard 1: "I never knew I was such a narcissist."
Picard 2: "I dunno, I've had better..."
Picard 1: "Really, who?"
Picard 2: "Me from 2342. I still had hair, and I was far more considerate a lover."

 

[Captain Crow]

Data: Nice kitty.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: No, Beverly, this is the proper placement for "nanoo nanoo".

Data: Inquiry, sir. Have you passed through a heated, arid environment with this untitled equine? And were you pleased to be free from precipitation while doing so?

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Picard; If he stays long enough I'll be able to leave him in command and go explore archaeological digs with no one the wiser.

 

[Kevin Thomas Riley]

Picard 1: This is great! Now I/we can have both Bev and Vash.
Picard 2: Dibs for Bev!
Picard 1: No, she's mine!
Picard 2: No! Mine!
Picard 1: Fine, but can't we change after a while?
Picard 2: Mmm, okay!

 

[Hutchy01]

Rule 34. No exceptions..

 

[Mojochi]

"Beyond the rim of the star-light,
my love is wand'ring in star-flight!
I know he'll find in star-clustered reaches
Love, strange love a star woman teaches."

Picard: And now I'd like you to meet a woman who is in every way imaginable, the polar opposite of you

Picard: Rent? Oh... no... no...A Midsummer Night's Dream. We can't do musicals. Good God. Have you heard these people sing?

Picard: You do know, Mr. Data, that if you creep this horse out & it throws me, you'll never make full commander, right?

Neither Picard was entirely thrilled with the realization of how their asses looked from behind

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard #1: "Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother."

Picard #2: "You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive."

Picard #1: "Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'."

Picard #2: "And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive."

Picard #1: "Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive."

Picard #2: "Ah."

Picard #1: "Ha."

Picard #2: "Ha."

Picard #1: "Ha."

Picard #2: "Stayin' alive."

Picard #1: "Computer: current location of Beverly Crusher."

Picard #2: "Engage!"