Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #479: Picard, Jean-Luc

[LeadHead]

First up to the plate, we have the "Not Saved by the Bell" Award, going to Catarina for:

Announcer: Beverly Crusher report to the Principal's office at once.

Senior class: Oooooo.



Next, we have the "This is especially appropriate when you consider that this entry was post #24 of the contest" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Agent Pierce: Those devices are going to send 20 000 volts into them right?

Worf: This is not 24. Though not a bad idea.



Next, we have the "Pssst.... look to your left, Captain" Award, going to Nebusj for:

Picard: ``I don't know, I just ... feel like somebody's watching me.''



Next, we have the "They were forced to deactivate Worf's minstrels and there was much rejoicing" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Friar Data: Brave sir Worf ran away!
Worf: No!
Friar Data: Bravely ran away, away!
Sir Worf: I didn't!
Friar Data: When Danger reared his ugly head, he bravely turned his head and fled --
Sir Worf: I NEVER! Oh, lies!


Next, we have the "So that's why Wesley has an odd taste in sweaters" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Picard: I knew your father, Wesley.
Wesley: You knew our mailman Mister McFeely?

The Award goes to shivkala for:

Picard: Captain's Log: I must give the crew credit, they managed to ignore Q until he went away, no small feat that. However, I am unsure whether to praise Counselor Troi's unique solution of falling asleep or condemn her for it.

Our KBL goes to Jedman67 for:

Crusher: "You are ALL INDIVIDUALS!!"
Crew: "We are all individuals!"
Data: "I'm not! I'm not!"


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, let's spend some time with the Captain of the Federation Starship Enterprise, Captain Picard!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Excellent, this scene is an internet meme.

Picard: Beverly, this is Vash. Vash, this is Beverly. Beverly, Vash, this is an emergency beamout.

Picard: We're rehearsing for a new production.

Mrs. Carmichael: What play is it?

Picard: Uh... uhh....

Riker: Spamalot!

Picard: Mister Data, it is good to see you. Now get out before you ruin my relaxation time with some moral dilemma.

Picard1: We've been walking these corridors so long, I've forgotten which one of us is the real Picard.

 

[Santa Kang]

PICARD: Beverly. Vash. Vash. Beverly. This moment played out a lot differently in my dreams.

DATA: Nice doggie.

 

[Santa Kang]

PICARD: Bloody hell. A temporal anomaly.
PICARD: Must be Tuesday.

 

[Tenacity]

Norman Bates: "Beverly this is my mother. " (chair slowly turns around)

Beverly: "Why ... this woman has been dead for years!"

Mother: Norman, are you going to let her speak to me like that?

 

[Finngle Bells]

Picard: Beverly, this is Nella

Vash: Vash

Picard: ....Oh right, Vash

Picard: Note to self. CATS wouldn't be made for a hundred years. Don't mention it to Carmichael again

Second Officer's Log: I got an idea for a new prank to emulate Riker. I decided to reprogram the stallion to become the one Donkey was in one of the Shrek sequels, next time the Captain plays the riding program. I expect there to be a commendation in my file by end of the day.

Captain's Log: Do I really sound preachy like that?

or...

Picard 1: Merde!

Picard 2: What?

Picard 1: We should be grateful it wasn't Data who stepped into that anomaly. The crew would go mad if there were two Datas walking around.

Picard 2: Oh, yes

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: Shaka, when the walls fell!

Worf: *to himself* Here we go again...

Vash: I love the sweater!

Crusher: Thanks, It's quite comfy!

Vash: Oh, I was referring to the fact that it looks exactly like a sweater I unearthed along with some other 1990's Earth clothing for "Comic Relief." Looking at it, I just assumed it was part of an effort to be funny.

Mrs. Carmichael: Ah, I see. And what do you call this act?

Picard: The Aristocrats!

Picard: Data, what are you doing?

Data: Attempting to "be one with the horse," Captain.

Picard: Captain's Personal Log-Until we have this situation rectified, I must do the only sensible thing...therefore we're both headed to Dr. Crusher's quarters.

 

[Hutchy01]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the foremost Shakespearean actor of our time. And the person it is attached to.

Picard: Flat Cap, Jumper, Horse and still I'm a French Vintner.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Why, yes, they're about this big, thanks for noticing."

Picard #1: "Ship out of danger?"

Picard #2: "Yes."

Picard #1: "The crew all right?"

Picard #2: "Yes."

Picard #1: "All repairs have been completed?"

Picard #2: "Ahead of schedule."

Picard #1: "Well, then I guess there's only one thing left to do."

Picard #2: "Right. Let's use my quarters. I always wanted to do my mirror image."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Picard: My love is a fever, longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease -
Riker: Doctor Crusher's got a cream for that now.

Picard: Beverly, Vash. Watch out, she's got sticky fingers.
Vash: You're telling me! I've been digging green gold for an hour!

Picard: I know we suck but you see we're doing a Springtime for HItler for the rent money.
Mrs Carmichael: Ooh, who's your Hitler?
Picard: No, you see, we're not actually doing Springtime, we're doing a Springtime -
Riker: A pajama-wearing inventor from France!
Mrs Carmichael: Ooh, I hate him already!

Data: Zhewzhewzhewzhewzhewzhewzhewzhewzhew - there you go sir. The baryon sweep is complete.
Picard: Thank you, Commodore. <canters off>
Data: Ya crazy old bastard.

♪♬ Well, you can Well tell by you can the way tell by I use my walk ♩ ♫
♩ ♫ I'm the way a woman's man I use my walk: no time I'm a woman's to talk man - ♬♪
Picard: Let's synch up our stroll soundtrack a bit better, shall we.

 

[Santa Kang]

LAFORGE: Catch...
CRUSHER: Catch Me If You Can...
LAFORGE: Catch A Falling Star...
RIKER: The Captain really sucks a Charades.
TROI: Yet he insists on playing it every Game Night.

 

[Adventerprise]

TROI: "Don't get me wrong; these are great seats, Will, but couldn't you have gotten two that were next to each other?"
RIKER: "SHH! I'm missing the soliloquy."
TROI: "That's not the only thing you're missing..."

Captain Picard tries his hands at air juggling.

The Enterprise-D offers many continuing education courses, including Introduction To Sign Language.

PICARD 1: *singing* "It takes two, baby, It takes two, baby, Me and you, just takes two..."
PICARD 2: "You do know that's a love song, right?"
PICARD 1: "Yeah. Your point?"
PICARD 2: *sigh* "I guess this explains why I don't have a girlfriend..."
PICARD 1: "New song! *singing* I love you, you love me..."
PICARD 2: *sigh*

 

[JedGelt67]

Picard: "So, how was your trip to Risa? Any strange anomolies in space that were just begging to be explored?"
Picard: "Shut up, Jean Luc."
Picard: "Couldn't just take a vacation like everyone else, could you?"
Picard: "SHUT UP! DAMMIT! YOU WENT HARING OFF TO RISA! YOU MADE YOUR BED, NOW SLEEP IN IT AND SHUT THE HELL UP!!"

Picard: "And now....for something completely different!"
Picard: "Different? How?"

Picard: " 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"

Riker: "Deanna, I told you getting him those Monty Python DVD's was a bad idea!!"

 

[Nebusj]

Next, we have the "Pssst.... look to your left, Captain" Award, going to Nebusj for:

Picard: ``I don't know, I just ... feel like somebody's watching me.''

Thank you!

Stewart: ``And you're really going to insert the Thallerian Floating Star-Squirrel in post this time, right? You aren't going to just leave me standing here waving my hands like a ninny?''
David Carson: ``Absolutely, Patrick.''

Vash: ``This is a bad case, but don't worry. I've helped people with even worse problems high-fiving than you two.''

Picard: ``Me? I've been struggling all day to bring home a picturesque bunch of day players. What have you been doing with your time?''

Picard: ``And then the Equestarrian ambassador let slip that he had a thing for pony play too and here we are.''

Picard: ``I hate reruns.''

 

[Nebusj]

PICARD: Bloody hell. A temporal anomaly.
PICARD: Must be Tuesday.

``Four Tuesdays, plus one Friday morning and an early-evening Thworbsday. Also you're about to step into the Klingon Festival of Jabbing Things With Rocks weekend.''

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard on the right: "So, got anything planned for today?"

http://tng.trekcore.com/hd/albums/3x08/the_price_hd_201.jpg

 

[Finngle Bells]

Picard: Now...Beverly has no idea she had been beamed to a version of her quarters on the holodeck. You keep her company during breakfast. She has a picture slideshow of her visit with Wesley back at the Academy.Then go to Data's recital. He has no idea either. It's supposed to be an hour long. After that, you are to do a video-conference with several Admirals.

Holo-Picard: Understood

Picard: I'll be on the bridge...the real one

 

[Leviathan]

Data: Inquiry sir....you are riding through the English countryside in an English cap with an English accent. Are we ever going to address the whole French heritage thing?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bev: "And that's what a right angle is. Well, close to it."

Vash: "I don't know -- I think you two are a couple of squares."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Data: Inquiry sir....you are riding through the English countryside in an English cap with an English accent. Are we ever going to address the whole French heritage thing?

Picard: Brittany is IN FRANCE!

Picard: It's only awkward if you make it awkward, ladies.

Shinzon: They'll never tell the difference between the two of us, Picard. I can mimic you perfectly.
Picard: Say "croissant".
Shinzon: ..bollocks.

Admiral Nechayev, on screen: Picard, I don't know which is worse. The fact that half of your bridge crew are in leisure clothes, or that you're quoting badly-remembered Shakespeare to my adjutant. Did you pick up something from the Tsiolkovsky again?

Picard: If you must ask, Data, we're off to rescue a princess and then travel the barren wastes to the Magic Kingdom, Narnia.
Data: I regret that I asked. Captain.
Picard: The name is Shasta.