Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #461: Call in a Favor

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Priorities" Award, going to Avro Arrow for:

Crusher: Captain, I was really hoping you could authorize those Rigellian fever inoculations now...
Picard: Yes, yes, doctor. I'll get to it. These candies aren't going to crush themselves, you know!


Next, we have the "Well Tested" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

RIKER: What was Tasha like? Let's just say, she was a very good beta tester.
ISHARA: What did she beta test, new video games?
RIKER: Data. She gave very positive feedback.


Next, we have the "Wardrobe Misinterpretation" Award going to shivkala, for:

Geordi: So, what kind of monk are you? The kind that spends their whole lives transcribing? The ones who brew beer? The ones who know kung-fu? The ones who chant? The ones who take a vow of silence?

Q: Oh, for the love of...It's a bathrobe, you nitwit!


Next, we have the "If only they listened to the Ensign who never spoke" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Science Officer: Am I the only one who notices this woman mutters under her breath in Romulan?


Next, we have the "Clever Escape" Award, going to Leviathan for:

Kargan: You figured out my real identity! I must escape! I'll get you next time GI Joe...er...Megatron...er RIKER!

We have two photoshop awards this week, first goes to jep for:

Obi-Wan Q "These are not the droids you are looking for."

Picard: "Uh, we're not looking for ANY droids."

Obi-Wan Q: "Oh, OK.... never mind then. Back into the turbolift guys... someone pick up Ash.

Our Second Photoshop Award goes to Nerys Myk for so perfectly making lemonade out of my Photobucket woes this week:

CRUSHER: I don't think continually texting Leadhead will fix the problem

The Award goes to Finn for:

Captain's Log:. Beverly has been following me like a sick puppy, from breakfast in my quarters and now in my ready room. I'm sending a message to the console in the transporter room asking O'Brien to spend more time kayaking on the holodeck today. I'm pretty sure he will dislocate a shoulder within the hour.

Two KBL's this week! First goes to The Laughing Vulcan for:

Worf muttering: "Do you think he's offered her some of his 'finest vintage'?"
Riker muttering: "He'll probably pull out that 'Do you have any French in you?' line again..."
Worf muttering: "Every single female ambassador, it's like he thinks he's Kirk or something."
Riker muttering: "He could just use the holodeck like everyone else."
Picard: "Gentlemen!"

Our Second KBL goes to inflatabledalek for:

Crusher: It's the final inquest report on Jack's death, care to explain?

Picard: I thought "Died in action" was kinder than "Died like the bloke who played Bill in Kill Bill".


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Before we get to the next photos, I wanted to call your attention to something. From time to time I like to have some fun with the thread titles, a couple of years back for a few contests, the titles were all song titles from a single artist. Since contest #463, (including this thread) there has been another pattern in play. (The only exception was the April Fool's contest "Trek of Interest")

I hope someone can put the pattern together, but No Google! I can't enforce that of course, but I'd much prefer if the answer was uncovered by knowledge you have or put together instead of going straight for a search engine.

If no one has it by the start of the next contest, I'll provide a clue next time.

Good Luck!

And now, the new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Tell Gowron, Leader of the High Council of the Klingon Empire that his Arbiter of Succession, Jean-Luc Picard, needs a favor: I require the coolest Bird-of-Prey the Empire has for joyriding.

Pulaski: I'm going down to the planet for shopping. I don't want to pay for parking, so you'll just fly around until I'm done.

La Forge: I need you to be my wingman.

Worf: Say you'll put in a good word for me to make Lieutenant Commander and I'm in.

La Forge: Data, I said get me down from here, not get me even more stuck!

Data: Guy walks into the Doctor's office. The Doctor tells him he needs an operation. The guy says I want a second opinion. The Doctor says "Okay, there's no way you'll be able to afford it and you'll be stuck in crippling debt by the time you're in the recovery room."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I've checked. Pantsless Fridays are not a thing.

WORF: They're interested.
LAFORGE: So it's a double date?
WORF: Not quite. They're only interested in me.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

OTHER COMMANDER: Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhal in Wyoming?
PICARD: No. Darmok and Jilad at Tinagra.
OTHER COMMANDER: *sigh* We have failed the Captain on his birthday.

PULASKI: Walk this way.
DATA: Yes sir.

GEORDI: Maybe if I sit here looking lonely one of those women will talk to me.
WORF: Maybe if you walk over there looking confident, BOTH of those women will LEAVE with you.
GEORDI: I prefer my way.

Geordi later regretted talking Data into being his ballet partner.

DATA: I'm a droid and you're a noid! Ha ha ha ha ha!
GUINAN: Oh my God. I've been telling that joke for years! Why didn't anyone tell me how stupid it was?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I'm right here officer! I'M RIGHT HERE!!!!

 

[Admiral Shran]

Captain's Log, supplemental: With casual Fridays a bust I decided to institute assless chaps Thursdays. The Bridge Crew were less than impressed.

LAFORGE: So what did she say?
WORF: I don't think you want to know.
LAFORGE: Just tell me.
WORF: She thinks you're a nice guy but she's already got a date with Barclay.
LAFORGE: WHAT?!

SPINER: So then I told Rick and Brannon they should make a prequel series one day.
GOLDBERG: That's not funny, Brent.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: If I were permitted to offer a response to the $100 solution "The Federation's Guiding Principle", it would not be "What is velour?" But that's just me.

Pulaski: Bangin' space van, Dadda.
Data: Wait until I airbrush it with Tasha bareback on a pegasus horse raising a star sword.

Geordi: I'm just a victim of the times, is all.
Worf: 24th century gender roles?
Geordi: No pockets.
Worf: Have you considered wearing more shiny objects.

Data: Koochie-koo! Koochie-koo!
Geordi: I will degauss your positronic network.
Data: Koochie-koo!

Guinan: Sexy fully-functional moves. Now show me your comedy delivery.

 

[Hutchy01]

WORF: Do you come here often?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the KBL!

Worf: "Admiral Nechayev on subspace, sir."
Picard: "On screen."
Nechayev os: "Picard! Look what some vandal has done to my plush burgundy velour curtains. They've been shredded... and that jacket? Picard...!"
Picard: "I am certain that I don't know what you're implying, Admiral."

Data: mumbling "You called me 'Dahta' once too often! This imitation human is gonna slap you upside your head!"

Worf: "The secret to impressing females, is to give them what no other man can."
Geordi: "Oh yeah, what do you offer?"
Worf: "Space herpes, but that's not important right now..."

Geordi: "When I asked for your help, Data, I didn't mean turn my visor upside down!"

Data: "and the washing machine said, '11100010111000100111010101', geddit?"
Guinan: "Huh?"
Data: "You see, it meant to say, '11100010111000100111010100'. '11100010111000100111010101' refers to the system control bus, not the address register. Silly or what?"

 

[jep]

Picard: "Here's what I think of your orders, Admiral"

(Sound of velcro opening)

Worf: "That..... is impressive."

Riker: "Is he waving Little Jean Luc at the Admiral?"

Data: "Yes, Commander, and urinating on helm control."

.

 

[Leviathan]

Thanks for the award!

The real reason for Diana Muldaur's departure:

Spiner: ...and what was Kirk REALLY like? OH!! and did Sargon's ball speak directly or was it like in your head? Diana? Diana? Aww, c'mon just tell me if Miranda's Sensor net was better than Laforge's Visor!

 

[at Quark's]

Captain Picard, personal log, stardate 44396.2
.
It's been several days now, and the entire male senior staff including our fully functional mr. Data is still sour that I had my way with last week's Vulcan chick... I mean, Romulan lady, while they had to go to the holodeck.

I'm enjoying this immensely and going to milk this out for all it's worth.

End log.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PUKASKI: Don't get your robes in a tangle. I have the merchandise. We're talking positronic brain and advanced micro servos. Real state of the art.

DATA: I have a bad feeling about this.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Turns out they're both dating Raj Koothrappali
LAFORGE: Wait a second. Raj has two girls and I can't get one!!!! ???

 

[shivkala]

Thank you for the win!

Picard: This jacket? It's my "I just had sex jacket!"

Pulaski: Do all androids walk this slowly? Hurray, Data or I'm going to grow old before this mission is over!

Worf: If you are asking me for advice, your whole sad sack, "Woe is me," attitude towards dating is without honor. That being said, I believe the girl at table three might be inebriated enough for even one without honor like you to, as you say, "Score."

LaForge: Worst of all, I was not able to go twice as high as that butterfly in the sky.

Guinan: Ten-Forward Log-The El-Aurians have a taboo against suicide, as do most civilized races. However, we do believe in moments of extreme danger or pain, taking one's life is a viable, and sometimes even honorable solution. I hope, that when what remains of my people perform the ritualistic funeral rights, they understand the pain I was in, and honor me with our traditional ceremony to welcome me to the afterlife.

Data: ...take my wife, please! So, Guinan, what did you think? I will take your silence and the look as if you were contemplating suicide as a good thing. It is my understanding that a successful comedian was said to "kill." I am unsure if an audience member committing suicide would count towards their kill, but, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, I am going to say, it does.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "'Take me with you' you said; 'I'll help you pick up some Terran girls', you said. So far every girl here has walked away from your awkward social approaches and left us sitting alone in dishonor. Why don't you go back to your holographic women, lieutenant."

Data: "...you are a driod and I am anoid! Get it? Computer, play snare and hat hit combo."

Guinan: "You know, you're right, now that I hear it again, it's really not that funny at all."

 

[JesterFace]

Riker mumbling: He thinks he looks so awesome in that new uniform jacket he designed...
Worf mumbling: I would have never thought the Captain would desing such an dishonorable outfit, it doesn't even have a sash.

Pulaski: Come on Data, we're leaving! You fly the shuttle.
Data mumbling: Maybe I should have used the new romance programming on someone else... Katherine is all over me now.

Worf: Those girls at the table Geordi, they both turned me down, they said they have a thing going on with you... Very dishonorable to seduce the girl I told you I have a crush on!

Data: Maybe I should take a look at the desings of your new antigravity boots before you send them to the Daystrom institute.
Geordi: If you could.

Data: What do you think of my new fake smile program?
Guinan: That sure looks like a fake laugh. It works just fine.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Captain's Log: Crusher and Troi are both at a psychological health conference. Let the bro-fest commence!

Data: I distinctly called Shotgun, doctor!

Data: While I extract you from this predicament, commander, would you like to hear any number of the 17, 520 puns based on 'hanging' which are appropriate?

Worf: Commander, I must defer here to the Ancient Ways.
LaForge: Don't tell me you're going to give me Klingon dating advice. What, smack someone on the head and tote her off?
Worf: I meant the Sacred Scroll of Stinson, the Playbook.

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong?
Worf: Oh, I don't know, maybe DRINKING WINDEX AND LEERING AT THEM THROUGH HAIR CLIP SUNGLASSES??? AND DRINKING WINDEX?!?!

Pulaski: I gotta start using the transporter.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Picard: (thinking) I need to hire more female officers, this bridge is turning into a right sausage-fest!

Pulaski: Dahta, this can't be our shuttle. It looks nothing like the one we flew here in!
Data: Quiet Doctor. This one is nicer. By the time anyone notices it is gone we'll be parsecs away.

Worf: Have you, like, ever gotten laid?

La Forge: Data, I didn't want to hear about your night with Tasha, so why would want you to demonstrate it?

Data: I found this cigar in storage the last time I was on Earth, in a box labelled Clinton/Lewinski artefacts. Given the Captains interest archaeology I thought it might make a good gift for the next Captain Picard Day.

 

[JesterFace]

Worf: I meant the Sacred Scroll of Stinson, the Playbook.

I didn't know Barney's advices on women had affected the Klingon mating rituals.