Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #459: Crime Wave

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Lean on Me" Award, going to Mojochi for:

5 seconds after Worf assumed command, he too was overcome by the need to lean



Next, we have the "Critical Error" Award, going to Avro Arrow for:

Yar: Oh, crap! I just scratched my nose!



Next, we have the "This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries." (Who gets the reference?) Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Picard: Before we begin the court case that might decide the entire fate of the planet, I just have to ask where you got those tapestries from. They're just to die for!



Next., we have the "Captain Jean-Luc Pitch-card" Award, going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

"Hello, I'm Jean-Luc Picard for the Federation Express Card. Don't leave the quadrant without it!"


Next, we have the "Game Over" Award, going to jep for:

"Mr. Data is correct, Captain Picard... you sank his battleship."

"Excellent."


Lots of Photoshop entries! I was soo glad to see that! Our Photoshop winner is Nerys Myk for:

DATA: Next on the Enterprise Tonight, Jean Luc Picard will share his expertise on Klingon honor and culture.
WORF: Wait,,,,what!!!!!!!

Our Award goes to Nebusj for:

Picard: ``Personal log. Well, once again Casual Fridays has gone all wrong.''

I Belly Laughed at both of these, so they both get the KBL award!

The first KBL goes to Triskelion for:

Ops: Sir, that freighter is hailing us.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!
Helm: I'm reading increased solar activity, sir.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!
Tactical: The star's coronal emissions are interfering with scans, sir.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!
XO: That nebula just insulted our honor, sir.
Worf: Phasers and Photons!


Our second KBL goes to HMS Ark Royal for:

"Your Honour, this is case number 1701-D on your docket... USS Enterprise versus Ardra... The parties have been sworn in"



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, take out the criminal activities report, call in a security team and get a hand phaser, there's crime afoot!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: That's my cane, it also doubles as a 5-iron.

Worf: Now this is my kind of party!

Picard: We don't have anything in our wallets! We work for Starfleet!

Data: I do not believe these items belong to you, Professor. Also, apparently these chairs can be re-used in multiple centuries.

Bad Cop: You're gonna confess!

Picard: To what?

Good Cop: He's a witness!

 

[jep]

Riker: "I cannot believe this!"

Worf: "Nor can I Commander. They're having a bar fight and I wasn't invited!"


.

 

[jep]

Picard: "Stand back everyone, he's brought a knife to a phaser fight. Giggle."

.

 

[Avro Arrow]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Data: You stole a d'k tahg? You realize that knife technology existed well before the twenty-second century, don't you?
Rasmussen: Perhaps, but never underestimate the power of good marketing!

Picard: Stand back, everyone! He's got a rasmussen!

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Whoa, whoa, whoa -- my contract has just been renewed, so if you got to stab somebody, make it one of them."

Berlingoff: "And as you can see, the vessel is really impressive and it's really futuristic because of the rainbow-ish glows. Unfortunately, in the 26th century we still haven't been able to solve the problem of head rests that jet forward, forcing your head down so you're looking at your dick the whole time. And getting a stiff neck."

Riker: "Mr. Worf, you got to stop this brawl. Any suggestions?

Worf: "Phasers and photons!"

 

[jep]

Constable: "How about I just hold on your lovely walking stick for my troubles?"

Riker: "How about I just take you out back and kick your ass?"

.

 

[Finn]

Frakes: They are sure pushing this "Torture Miles" thing up a notch

Dorn: Yeah. Colm thinks he'd be better off joining the DS9 cast.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Constable: "Odd... it seems to be vibrating..."
Riker: "It's obviously a lady's walking stick..."

Worf: "By the hand of Kahless! I am going to need back-up!"
Riker: winces "That's gotta hurt! Don't blame you. Looks like Guinan can kick your ass too."

Picard: "Another brawl, another Nausicaan with a knife... How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?"

Data: "You are somewhat unimpressive a thief, Mr Rasmussen. I would have thought for a 22nd Century denizen, you would have more ambition than stealing this bric-a-brac."
Rasmussen: "When I reverse engineer this stuff, I'll make milllions."
Data: ""If you had downloaded Gray's Sports Almanac for the last 200 years from the main computer, you would have made billions, with a lot less effort."

Captain's Personal log: "Following our recent misadventure on the holodeck, the systems were repaired and I attempted the Dixon Hill program once more. It was following the body cavity search that I realised the engineers had forgotten to re-engage the safety protocols."

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

Our second KBL goes to HMS Ark Royal for:

"Your Honour, this is case number 1701-D on your docket... USS Enterprise versus Ardra... The parties have been sworn in"

I got the KBL award! I have to admit to watching Judge Judy when coming up with my entries, and i just couldn't resist...

#

"So they tried to pass this off as the Staff of the Grand Nagus?"

#

"What the hell is happening here, Worf?"

"I do not know, Sir, but I am off to help Miles"

"Miles? O'Brien?"

"Yes, Sir"

"Why?"

"He is the only human I know, apart from the Captain, that can drink copious amounts of Bloodwine and remain standing... I must stand with my brother in arms"

#

"Yes, I know he is irritating, we're not allowed to kill him"

"Thank you, Captain Picard"

"Eat the Bolian instead"

#

"Professor, you appear to have the finalised script for Axanar. Curious - where, when and how did you obtain this?"

#

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS, HILL???"

 

[Hutchy01]

Picard: Temba, His arms wide.

 

[jep]

Old Man Parker: It's Italian!! It said 'Fra-GEE-leh' right on the shipping crate!

Good Cop: "Easy Parker, I'm sure he meant no offense."

Picard: "It's the most hideous thing I've ever seen... and I think the word was FRAGILE, you moron."

.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: My god, Worf, there's a fight in progress.
Worf: I wager 200 quatloos on the bald science lieutenant in the corner.

Riker: You're kidding, right? Of course he's the villain. He has a snake-head cane. Does he need to wax and swirl his mustache for you to realize he's the bad guy?
....er, no offensive, detective.

Picard: Can't we all just...get along?
(Stab)

 

[Triskelion]

T4TBL LeadHead!

Cop: Now see here! what are you doing with this gentleman's taint scratcher?
Riker: Told you.

Riker: We think we've come so far. The torture of heretics, the burning of witches, it's all ancient history. Then, before you can blink an eye, it suddenly threatens to start all over again. Vigilance, Mister Worf, that is the price we have to continually pay.
Worf: Or we could just stop serving free booze at string quartet concerts.

Esoqq: FOURTEEN EPISODES!
Picard: Look, we feel the same way! But it was FOURTEEN YEARS AGO! We must come to grips with the fact that one day, we may have to let it go.
Esoqq: BUT NOT TODAY!
Picard: No, of course, not today.

Berlinghoff Rasmussen: In the future, we've learned how to mold metal diamond plating - with actual diamond patterns.
Data: You sir, have my attention.
Berlinghoff Rasmussen: I could give you the formula for it, so you could invent it...?
Data: NOT NOW, MADELINE!
Berlinghoff Rasmussen: ...?
Data: That means your offer has merit.

Little Goon: Easy, easy - he obviously doesn't know when the bough breaks, or who watches the watchers.
Big Goon: Think he knows where silence has lease?
Little Goon: I dunno, maybe. Ask him.

 

[Admiral Shran]

Next, we have the "This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries." (Who gets the reference?)

"Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"

Data's botched attempt at a line dancing performance was met with stunned disbelief by some and violent anger by others.

DATA: People in the 22nd century must have been pretty stupid if they'll be impressed with a futuristic knife.
RASMUSSEN: Well, we did choose Jonathan Archer as our representative to the galaxy. Cut me some slack.

SO YOU'RE THE BASTARD RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THESE SEASON ONE EPISODES, HUH?! YOU MAKE ME SICK! I HOPE YOU ROT IN PRISON FOR A LONG TIME YOU SON OF A BITCH!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

JOHNNY: Aye, offica 'a' wor t' cane ah saw t' murdera wee ta kill 'is lordship.
TROI: Is that French?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA : And what are you planning to do with these?
BERLINGHOFF: Take them back to the 22nd Century and sell them to Henry Archer.
DATA: Well, that would solve some continuity issues, so proceed.

 

[Hutchy01]

JOHNNY: Aye, offica 'a' wor t' cane ah saw t' murdera wee ta kill 'is lordship.
TROI: Is that French?

Picard: What t' hell are ye talking about, love?

 

[Avro Arrow]

Esoqq: FOURTEEN EPISODES!
Picard: Look, we feel the same way! But it was FOURTEEN YEARS AGO! We must come to grips with the fact that one day, we may have to let it go.
Esoqq: BUT NOT TODAY!
Picard: No, of course, not today.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Inspector: Our best minds have got together, and they have determined... it's a cane!
Picard: Remind me again how humanity even made it out of the nineteenth century?

Esoqq's Personal Log, 14th day of Chelven: Everything seemed to be going so well. I thought we all really made a connection. But then everyone got all distant and standoffish when I pulled out the ritual Chalnoth Blade of Friendship. Why am I destined to always be alone?