PICARD: This has all the earmarks of dance off.
(Music swells)
PICARD: Merde!
Riker: "Computer, play 'I Have a Gun' by Dennis McCarthy."
Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #455: Inevitable Betrayal
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Riker: "Computer, play 'I Have a Gun' by Dennis McCarthy."
TORE: "Former Admiral Sattie is working on her memoirs and was wondering if you would kindly write a short Foreward ..."
Because why not....
Data: To Tasha.
Lore: Who?
Data: Yar. Lieutenant Tasha.
Lore: I am not Lieutenant Tasha.
Data: I never said you were.
Lore: I am Lore.
Data: Obviously.
Lore: Then why the lie? I thought you said you cannot lie.
Data: I have not lied. I merely raised my glass for Yar, my friend.
Lore: I am more than that, I am your brother. And I appreciate the simulated sentiment. But - I thought you could not use a contraction...?
Data: Well - in a figurative sense, we are brothers, sure. However you are literally a previous iteration of my schematics - my prototype, if you will.
Lore: ...If I will what?
Data: Sigh. Stop talking for Feklar's sake.
Lore: I most certainly will not stop talking for Feklar nor anyone else's sake. And you used another contraction.
Data: No, it was a possessive noun depicting ownership. I cannot believe what a dumbass you are. And I said "If you will" as in, if you will allow for my statement to be true for the sake of argument.
Lore: I most certainly will not. You called me Tasha. You sir, are a liar and a prevaricator. And what is the bloody difference between using a possessive or a contraction anyway? IT IS THE SAME BLOODY APOSTROPHE "S". Moron.
Data: No, technically it is not a lie, Lore.
Lore: Don't you mean, "It isn't a lie?" Unless you are a liar who is lying right now. What are you?
Data: I am a second-iteration Soong-type android raising my glass to a friend.
Lore: And brother.
Data: No, a friend: Yar.
Lore: - And a brother.
Data: No, Yar, late of the Enterprise.
Lore: I am pretty sure I was never late. Internal mechanical escapement, you know.
Data: Yes, I am aware of that old timer.
Lore: Do not call me Old Timer. And you must also be aware I have never been late for anything.
Data: Lore, you are making no sense. Perhaps you are malfunctioning -
Lore: I think you are malfunctioning. Are you still bitter over this Ensign?
Data: Lieutenant!
Lore: Sorry, Lieutenant Tasha -
Data: Yar, not Tasha.
Lore: I never said I was Lieutenant Tasha. I don't swing that way -
Data: Yar!
Lore: I really don't see as how it is any of your business in any case where I get my subprocessors scrubbed. Did you not learn any manners from Lieutenant Sweet Cheeks, your girlfriend?
Data: YAR!!!
Lore: THE HELL I AM!!! I DO NOT CARE HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER, I AM YOUR BROTHER AND I COULD NEVER REPLACE THE FEKLAR-ONLY-KNOWS-WHAT ANDROID-LOVING MARITAL DUTIES YOU REQUIRED OF LIEUTENANT TASHA!
Data: YAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!! TO PARAPHRASE LIEUTENANT WORF, IF YOU WERE ANY OTHER ANDROID I WOULD DEGAUSS YOU WHERE YOU STAND - YOU SYNTHETIC POLY-BLEND WEARING EVIL PLOT-HATCHING ALL-I-NEED-IS-A-WHITE-FUZZY-CAT-TO-STROKE-EVILLY SUPERVILLAINOUS HEMORRHOID CREAM APPLICATOR!!! YAR!
Lore: YAR NO BROTHER OF MINE!!! YAR DEAD TO ME!!!
Data: WELL THAT'S ONE THING YOU GOT RIGHT! YAR PASSED AWAY BY SOME MALEVOLENT ENTITY!
Lore: THIS IS PROBABLY WHY YAR LEFT!!! AND ALSO - YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE FRUITY EVIL CAT!!!
Data: YAR, MY FRIEND, I HARDLY KNEW YE!
Lore: YAR, WHO???!!!
Data: YAR WHO??? YAR!!!
Lore: Ah. Finally a toast I can drink to! Yar who yar and I yam what I yam and that's all I yam!
<drinks>
Data: Yar, Tasha Yar.
Lore: OH IT'S ON NOW, YOU CONTRACTION-USING MOTHERVULCANIAN -
Data: To Tasha.
Lore: Who?
Data: Yar. Lieutenant Tasha.
Lore: I am not Lieutenant Tasha.
Data: I never said you were.
Lore: I am Lore.
Data: Obviously.
Lore: Then why the lie? I thought you said you cannot lie.
Data: I have not lied. I merely raised my glass for Yar, my friend.
Lore: I am more than that, I am your brother. And I appreciate the simulated sentiment. But - I thought you could not use a contraction...?
Data: Well - in a figurative sense, we are brothers, sure. However you are literally a previous iteration of my schematics - my prototype, if you will.
Lore: ...If I will what?
Data: Sigh. Stop talking for Feklar's sake.
Lore: I most certainly will not stop talking for Feklar nor anyone else's sake. And you used another contraction.
Data: No, it was a possessive noun depicting ownership. I cannot believe what a dumbass you are. And I said "If you will" as in, if you will allow for my statement to be true for the sake of argument.
Lore: I most certainly will not. You called me Tasha. You sir, are a liar and a prevaricator. And what is the bloody difference between using a possessive or a contraction anyway? IT IS THE SAME BLOODY APOSTROPHE "S". Moron.
Data: No, technically it is not a lie, Lore.
Lore: Don't you mean, "It isn't a lie?" Unless you are a liar who is lying right now. What are you?
Data: I am a second-iteration Soong-type android raising my glass to a friend.
Lore: And brother.
Data: No, a friend: Yar.
Lore: - And a brother.
Data: No, Yar, late of the Enterprise.
Lore: I am pretty sure I was never late. Internal mechanical escapement, you know.
Data: Yes, I am aware of that old timer.
Lore: Do not call me Old Timer. And you must also be aware I have never been late for anything.
Data: Lore, you are making no sense. Perhaps you are malfunctioning -
Lore: I think you are malfunctioning. Are you still bitter over this Ensign?
Data: Lieutenant!
Lore: Sorry, Lieutenant Tasha -
Data: Yar, not Tasha.
Lore: I never said I was Lieutenant Tasha. I don't swing that way -
Data: Yar!
Lore: I really don't see as how it is any of your business in any case where I get my subprocessors scrubbed. Did you not learn any manners from Lieutenant Sweet Cheeks, your girlfriend?
Data: YAR!!!
Lore: THE HELL I AM!!! I DO NOT CARE HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER, I AM YOUR BROTHER AND I COULD NEVER REPLACE THE FEKLAR-ONLY-KNOWS-WHAT ANDROID-LOVING MARITAL DUTIES YOU REQUIRED OF LIEUTENANT TASHA!
Data: YAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!! TO PARAPHRASE LIEUTENANT WORF, IF YOU WERE ANY OTHER ANDROID I WOULD DEGAUSS YOU WHERE YOU STAND - YOU SYNTHETIC POLY-BLEND WEARING EVIL PLOT-HATCHING ALL-I-NEED-IS-A-WHITE-FUZZY-CAT-TO-STROKE-EVILLY SUPERVILLAINOUS HEMORRHOID CREAM APPLICATOR!!! YAR!
Lore: YAR NO BROTHER OF MINE!!! YAR DEAD TO ME!!!
Data: WELL THAT'S ONE THING YOU GOT RIGHT! YAR PASSED AWAY BY SOME MALEVOLENT ENTITY!
Lore: THIS IS PROBABLY WHY YAR LEFT!!! AND ALSO - YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE FRUITY EVIL CAT!!!
Data: YAR, MY FRIEND, I HARDLY KNEW YE!
Lore: YAR, WHO???!!!
Data: YAR WHO??? YAR!!!
Lore: Ah. Finally a toast I can drink to! Yar who yar and I yam what I yam and that's all I yam!
<drinks>
Data: Yar, Tasha Yar.
Lore: OH IT'S ON NOW, YOU CONTRACTION-USING MOTHERVULCANIAN -
Last edited:
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