Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #455: Inevitable Betrayal

[Nebusj]

Pardek: ``My parents! They're home already! Everybody, we gotta clean this place up right now!''

Picard: ``Personal log. The day I feared has arrived. Dr Crusher has filed for child support for The Boy.''

Troi is the first to realize this improv sketch is going nowhere.

Data: ``Soooo ... makeout session?''

If he keeps the phaser on Dr Pulaski another thirty seconds she should have enough power to switch on again.

 

[Finn]

Pardek: Thank you, Nero, for letting me know about these caves. *looks back at Spock* He mined these caves. Romulus owes him big.

 

[Captain Crow]

Granger: You'll have to forgive Carl. He's a member of the Captain Terrell Appreciation Society.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Ah, miss Muldaur, it's a message from Mr. Roddenbery: You're services will not longer be required..."

"Fire at Will!"

PHIIISSSSS

"No, you idiot, I meant Riker!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MULDAR: It's like there's a target on my back.

 

[Triskelion]

Demandra.
Devo Ono.
It's Devinoni, actually. Not Ono as in Yoko.
Devils Food Donut, May I present Bhagavad Gita of Barzan Two.
Bars Artoo?
Bhavani of Barzan II.
Dextrose Oreo.
R2.
C3P0.
Danny Devito.
It's Devinoni, actually.
Kevin Bacon, Bhagavad Gita. Bhagavad Gita, Kevin Bacon.
Devinoni.
Deviled Olive Loaf?
It's Bhavani, of Barzan II, actually.
Ah, Buckaroo Bonzai.
Barzan - like in Tarzan. Or Barzan II, actually.
And we have a Tarzan two, too. Number One.
Do what now?
Will T. Riker. How are you, Dentyne Gum and Burger King?
Will Trike who? Deanna?
Well, I'd trike her too but she's standing right there.
No, not Trike her, Riker, Will T!
Whoever heard of triking someone, anyway? If anything, I'd shovelhead her.
I WILL EMPATHIZE WITH YOU - ALL THE WAY TO KLINGON HELL, ROOFS!
STOP CALLING ME ROOFS!
Ahem. Deviled Ham, Lieutenant Wereworf. Wereworf, Deviled Ham.
Dervish Han Solo.
Woofers.
That's Worf! Son of Mogh!
Hi. Devinoni. Son of Ral and his life partner, "Betty".
Ah. Long Division, Son of LeBaron.
No - Devinoni Ral.
I see. Apolo Anton Ohno.
Devinoni Ral.
Dented Penis Ball.
- CLOSE ENOUGH!

Later that same afternoon....

- And now let's all beam to the Bars in the Wormhole.
It's the "Barzan Wormhole", actually. There aren't any bars.
Oh, just the one bar?
THERE AREN'T ANY BARS!!!
There's a trucker bar called the Ten-Four Word, Bathhouse Rita.
That's Ten Forward, actually.
No, I don't believe it is, good buddy.
Bhavani, actually -
Of Tarzan Number One.
No, Barzan, Number Two.
No, Data is Number Two.
She meant the Truckstop Bar Stool Two.
Thank you, Evel Knievel.
Devinoni. Devinoni Ral.
Deviled egg on rye.
Now you've got it, Dinosaur Toy.
Dinosaur Troi. Imzado.
ImzaDEE.
Sorry, You za Dee, I'm za W.
Deanna Troi, actually, Daught-
Daughter of the Fifth Horse -
Holder of the Salted Chestnuts that Reek -
Hair of the Hurling Ringtone of Bedheads -
Lord of the Dance -
Psycho Therapist to the Stars -
Master of the Pan Flute -
Master Blaster run Bartertown -
MASTER BLASTER!!! LISTEN TO THE LAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!
Good one, Roofs.
We've met. Wynona.
Denim Members Only Jacket.
Evel Knievel, Count Chocula.
That's Counselor Deanna, Curtain Rod.
Not Curtain Rod! He's Captain!
Oh, my bad. All these years -
Captain Jordache Jeans Unitard.
Hey - never go full Unitard!
Jean Luc Picard, actually.
John Loo Peekwhored? OK....
Picard, actually, Lorraine.
Ral.
Wilty.
Will! T!
D-Train.
T-Bone.
Folger's LaCrystals.
Tarzan.
Apollo.
Yoko.
Wifebeater, Son of Gonad.
Demented Moulin Rouge.
Devinoni Ral, actually.
Dali Lama Rastaman.
Sorry, that's Devinoni Ral.
Data's Android Lal?
Data's Pen Pal LOL.
Devonini Ral, actually -

Later, in The 10-4 Word Truckstop....

- Ral. Devinoni.
Guglielmo Marconi?
Devinoni Ral!
Sovereign Marouk.
Curtain Rod.
Stroker.
Dennis Rodman.
Björk Guðmundsdóttir.
Diverticulitis.
Master Bata.
He's Manstress Dater, actually -
Dancing the Rhumba.
Counselor Hammertoe.
I...HAVE...HAD...ENOUGH...FROYO!!!
...
That's TROI, Counseling Therapist!
Oh, TRY Counseling The Rapist?
What rapist?
She means Devinoni Ral, here.
OH SURE, NOW WILTY GETS IT RIGHT!!!


AND NOW, THE CAPTION:

Curtain Rod: Now to set a new golfswing record. Has anyone seen my dimpled ball?
Everybody: YES.

 

[jep]

Lore: "It's Tranya. I hope you relish it as much as I."

.

 

[JesterFace]

Man with the gun: Bring Beverly back!

 

[weiserthanyou]

Everyone except Data was successful at ignoring the horrible stench of Picard's whopper burrito fart. Spock even managed to look dignified.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Data; Here is to brotherhood.
Lore: Here's to the beginning of the Soong Android Empire.
Data: I have never heard of....oh. No, I do not believe I will drink to that. Despite the fact that I do have plans for offspring.

 

[Catarina]

Picard: Data, I believe we didn't get the Padd where it instructed us to dress like the genetic degenerates of vulcan for the convention.
Data: it would seem so, sir.

 

[T'Girl]

Data: "Given that we are supposedly twins, why are you obviously taller?
†

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data: "Really, there is only the two of us?"

Lore: "Correct."

Data: "I have never heard of that B4."

 

[Triskelion]

Pardek: These cave writings are over a million years old. This one tells of our origins on Vulcan. And that one depicts the ancient wisdom from even before the time of Surak.
Picard: Can you translate the writing, Data?
Data: Yes sir. "The joke is in your hand."

No.

Data: To Father's two-inch inferiority complex.

Granger: He always shoots for the bra snaps first.
Riker: Nice.

 

[Finn]

Roddenberry: (OS) We can't go with falling down the turbolift shaft. It would be too lame.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Romulan: We refuse to talk to the Federation until you care enough to ask why our foreheads changed between the original series and now. WHY DO PEOPLE ONLY CARE ABOUT THE KLINGONS?!?!

Woman: Here's the budget for this week's episode.

Picard: Hmm, so we either need to do another clip show or a nice and cheap courtroom drama. Here's hoping for legal shenanigans!

Troi: No, I've no idea what I'm for either.

Data: This is a rare treat brother, the last of the bottle of urine I had Tasha give me.

Lore: Why our father had to give us all his strange perversions I'll never know.

Data: It is certainly obvious why he had to go live in a cave by himself.

The "Clone Shoots First" Special edition of Up the Long Ladder is still controversial

 

[Hutchy01]

Troi: No, I've no idea what I'm for either.

Worf: Eye-candy.

 

[hux]

Picard: You promised me an underground strip club, Pardek. This is bullshit.

Pardek: Yes, you're right, she's terrible.

Tore: Would you like to sponsor my princess Leia fundraiser?

Troi: I sense great pain in your past.

Picard: What is it?

Troi: Police Academy 5... and 6.

Lore: Bottoms up.

Data: I do not believe my derriere has changed position. Please elaborate.

Lore: Oh just fucking drink it.

Pulaski: How long is this going to take?

Grainer: Our phaser technology isn't very good. It'll take about ten minutes to render you unconscious. If you'll bear with us.

 

[f14peter]

TORE: "I'm sorry Captain, but it appears your Federation Credits Credit card has been ... declined"

PICARD: "Declined?!?!?!? Pffffft, how is that possible? In fact, we don't even use money in this century!

TORE: "Oh, the Federation does use money, but apparently you don't use any of yours to pay off your credit card balance"

PICARD: "Okay, anyone here who has not slept with the Counselor, raise your hand ... ... ... anyone? ... ... ... c'mon, there has to be someone besides me ... ... ... Premier! Even you too?????"

BHAVANI: "What can I say, negotiations were going slow that day, the Counselor and I were in 10-Forward having a few drinks and ... well, one thing led to another"

 

[Triskelion]

Ral: I'm sensing unconfidence.
Troi: Well I'm sensing duplicity.
Ral: Oh yeah? I'm sensing frustration!
Troi: And I'm sensing fear and embarrassment!
Ral: And I'm sensing someone didn't brush her teeth this morning!
Troi: And I'm sensing anal leakage!
Picard: Sorry, that one's me.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: This has all the earmarks of a dance off.

(Music swells)

PICARD: Merde!