Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #451: Cargo Bays

[tharpdevenport]

Admiral Gordon Ramsay: "You call that chilli??? It looks like Tribble vomit!"

Denise: "Wait -- isn't this the Yar after-death hologram idea you guys thought would make a neat VHS extra? Why is this on set?"

Director: "CUT! Who gave Denise the fucking box early???"

 

[Catarina]

Catarina: Where have I seen this set up before....Dark Frontier!

 

[Hutchy01]

FERENGI: Rings? Are they gold pressed latinum?

This is made creepier for me as I found my replica One Ring yesterday.

 

[Finn]

Geordi: Why is my visor reading chocolate ice cream in this thing?

Beverly: ...So that's Deanna's stash....that saucy minx

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Barclay: I found Counselor Troi's special order of chocolate! Maybe she won't notice if I take just one piece. We have to make sure there are no contaminants.
Geordi: Sounds good, Reg. Try it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Yar: A present? But it's not my birthday.
Troi: I know, but it seemed perfect for you.
Yar: Oh... well, thank you. But why is it chipped?
Troi: Uh...
RIker: Don't we need to start those crew evaluations? See you on the bridge, Lieutenant.

 

[Triskelion]

Yar: I ordered Thin Mints! What the fuck is this shit??
Riker: Caramel DeLights? They're delightful.
Yar: Girl Scouts! Can't even tick a fother-mucking box on a fother-mucking form right! You know why there were no Girl Scouts on my home planet?? DO YOU?????
Riker: Uh, rape gangs?
Yar: YOU BET YOUR PEANUT BUTTER PATTIES RAPE GANGS!
Troi: - And there it is.
Yar: AND NO COSMETOLOGISTS EITHER, PRINCESS!!!!!!
Riker: Actually? In space they are called "Cosmo-tologists".
Picard: I mean, why would you even.
Yar: SHUT THE FUCK UP, MOOSE-KNUCKLE-FACE!!!!!!! I'M IN MY PENALTY BOX AND THE PUNISHMENT IS THIS SAD-ASSED BOX OF CARAMEL DELIGHTS!!!!!! SNIFF YA LATER, LOSERS!!!!! <leaves>
Picard: Sigh. Number One, the next time Mister Worf wants to torpedo a Girl Scout freighter - just let him. Now who's up for some Thin Mints that fell off the antigrav pallet?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Geordi, make a note in the log. These avant-garde art displays are really getting out of control.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Geordi: After an extensive 12 hour level one diagnostic I and my team can confirm the shuttle definitely exploded.

Crosby: What is this?

Frakes: The producers' response to your complaints about the size and importance of your role.

Crosby: The world's tiniest violin?!?!

Ferengi Actor: I'm not getting in to shot with Janssen until you've made me look the same height as her. Is this enough?

Director: Another three feet.

Geordi: Well done Reg, all that was in here was the junk featured in the first caption picture, and you've made a working missile and launcher out of it!

Barcley: It's like riding a bike.

 

[hux]

TFTW

LA Forge: B6 goes into housing F4.

Riker: Fucking IKEA shuttlecrafts.

Yar: I don't know why Riker thinks I'm a bad security officer. Anyway, what should I do with this bomb?

Crusher: I've put Sub Rosa in the barrel. We just need to get it off the ship.

Ferengi: They should have sent a poet... or an expert on giant glowing eggs.

Barclay: What to the markings say?

LA Forge: Adorable mini Dalek. Do not attach plunger until fully mature.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: I know he's French, but no one needs this much cheese!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: Alright, as many of you already know, Data exploded. We need to figure out how to put him back together. We will also need some pale yellow paint.

TASHA: Another gift from that Ferengi?! Gah! I'd rather die a meaningless death than see that troll ever again!

GEORDI: Why do you think we were paired up in the 'Trapped in a small space' episode?
BEVERLY: Process of elimination.
GEORDI: Has either of us ever done physical labor before?
BEVERLY: Nope.

FERENGI: I wonder what she looks like? I hope she has brownish skin, a smooth walnut head, and small ears. That's what Ferengi males *actually* find attractive.

BARCALAY: What is it?
GEORDI: Commander Riker's entry in the chili cook-off. This is the source of all the system failures. That's why the engineering team was spreading it around, we were called in to deal with the fumes.

 

[Triskelion]

Crusher: Thanks for helping me get Wesley's acne cream.
Geordi: I'm just doing it so he'll stop distorting sensor readings with false moonscapes.
Crusher: I cannae change the laws of physics, Captain.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, even though posting a Mass Effect caption seems like a cheat!

Riker: Analysis, Mr. LaForge?

LaForge: Temporal stress due to exposure to a rift in the space-time continuum.

Riker: You got all of that from your VISOR?

LaForge: No, sir. Experience. It's time travel. It's always time travel.

Yar: This looks a lot like Mr. Data's... Oh! He is fully functional!

Crusher: So, once I realized I had a rare disease and would only live for another year, at best, I decided to see to Wesley's inheritence. With my medical knowledge, I knew I could make high quality felicium, which I could sell. Problem is, I know nothing about selling drugs. I contacted one of the Onarans, and well, one thing led to another. Long story short, thanks for helping me dispose of the bodies.

Ferengi: I've located the Infinity Gem.

Ferengi Captain: We have to call them "Stones," for some reason. Anyway, bring it aboard, Thanos is paying top latinum for these things!

Barclay: We're clear, it's just Mr. Data's privates. He seems to leave them in the oddest places.

 

[Leviathan]

Tasha <reading fine print>: "To preserve your main character shields, do not open box."

 

[Hutchy01]

TASHA: Another gift from that Ferengi?! Gah! I'd rather die a meaningless death than see that troll ever again!

Box: "I hold a message for Deanna Troi."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Tasha: Yep, it's the soul of Marsellus Wallace, Captain.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"That's a lot of fish...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...oil."

 

[Hutchy01]

From the Ashes rise a Phoenix.

 

[Vanyel]

Riker: So, Geordi, what do think this...was?
Geordi: Sorry Commander, I haven't been looking at this. I have noticed that the cargo bay door force field off button is way too close to the force field on button. I think they should be about 4 or 5 meters apart.
Riker: Okay, make it so. Just tell the Captain we found uhhhhhh...parts of uuuuuhhhhhhhh Vulcan ship. He'll buy that.
Geordi: Understood, Sir.

Tasha: Data's not as fully functional as he thinks, this says I'm not pregnant.

Crusher: Do you think we got enough beer for the kegger?

If found send to:
Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters
1407 Graymalkin Lane
Salem Center, NY 10560
Earth
Sector 001

Geordi: No. Spots not in here either.

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Reg, it was brilliant how you figured out how the contaminants were being spread around the ship. How did you do it?
Com: Sickbay to Barclay, your space crab cream has arrived from Betazed.
Barclay: Oh it was just a hunch, Commander. <shifts uncomfortably>
Com: Sickbay to LaForge - Geordi, I need a non-infected crewman to help me move a barrel of some medicine, and yours is the only name that came up in the database. Are you available? What am I saying, of course you're available!

Geordi: Next time just do it yourself.
Crusher: Ah, the LaForge maneuver.