TNG Caption This! #436: Sweeps Part 1: Special Guests
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Worf: (OS) Didn't his first officer resemble Kirstie Alley?
Riker: (OS) I thought it was Robin Curtis?
or...
Data: I thought his first officer was an alcoholic New-England Man
23rd century ... the Era of the camp posture!
Riker: "Geordi, tell me about this new experiment you've been running."
Geordi: "Well, commander, what I've done is created a warp bubble that can be formed around an individule person. In combination with a pattern buffer it slows down time and keeps out people and events in the standard time stream, creating a 'Safe Space'. It was designed for ensign Karzak."
Riker: "Hum, sounds out of touch with the real world. What about her -- what did she do?"
Geordi: "Nothing, but I'm thinking of giving her the Karzak Participation Trophy award of Non-Excellence."
Satie: Now tell the court, Doctor, who would you let bang you. And I remind you, you are under oath.
Beverly: Well, there's Barclay, Chief O'Brien, Holographic Moriarty...
<An hour-and-a-half later...>
- Mordock and Alyssa Ogawa. That's everybody.
Satie: That is one thousand thirteen - including your friend, Doctor Quaice. But the ship's crew manifest lists one thousand fourteen people...?
Geordi: WTF!!!
...
Wesley: WTF!!!
Sarek: Now the last thing we'll need is a big sign that says "Orgynarium", and a completely different sign that says "Kids Club." Trust me - you don't want to put them on the same sign, or the next thing you know you'll be faking Bendaii Syndrome in a hotel robe and a pair of handcuffs.
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/
Kamala: Can I have this model, but with chrome?
Picard: You know who you remind me of? A Romulan centurion I once saw on the border.
Sarek: I shall regret having to kill you, captain. In a different reality, I could have called you friend.
Picard: Captain Bateson! Excellent. Do you remember Admiral Kirk retrieving two whales from the 20th century and repopulating the species?
Bateson: Yes.
Picard: About your Vulcan crewmembers -- we need to talk.
Crusher: ANYONE could confuse a preganglionic fiber with a postganglionic nerve!
TFTW
Riker: You're standing next to an attractive woman and you haven't pissed all over the floor once.
La Forge: Yup, I'm making progress.
Kamala: See that guy with the side burns and the claws. He's so dreamy.
Data: Who the fuck are you talking about?
Sarek: I appreciate the effort you've gone to captain but I'm just not in the mood for a disco.
Satie: I put it to you Dr Crusher.
Crusher: Can someone get this bitch her glasses.
Picard: I'm sorry to tell you this captain Bateson but Starfleet made it illegal to sit at a jaunty angle ten years ago. They considered it a little too smug.
Riker: You're standing next to an attractive woman and you haven't pissed all over the floor once.
La Forge: Yup, I'm making progress.
Kamala: See that guy with the side burns and the claws. He's so dreamy.
Data: Who the fuck are you talking about?
Sarek: I appreciate the effort you've gone to captain but I'm just not in the mood for a disco.
Satie: I put it to you Dr Crusher.
Crusher: Can someone get this bitch her glasses.
Picard: I'm sorry to tell you this captain Bateson but Starfleet made it illegal to sit at a jaunty angle ten years ago. They considered it a little too smug.
Riker: I think we're stretching the definition of "Famous Guest Star" here, I mean, what have you done lately?
Geordi: Yeah!
Lefler: More than you two bitches.
Kamala: I'm not saying I'm hot, but the entire Trill population just had plastic surgery to look more like me.
Picard: I loved you in Chariots of Fire!
Crusher: No, I have no idea why this set looks so cheap.
Picard: So in the past fat guys with beards could make captain? Looks like you were born a century too late Will!
Kamala: I'm not saying I'm hot, but there's a six-month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear every time that I'm near.
Frakes: "Hey! You look like a younger, hotter Marina Sirits!"
SECONDS LATER FRAKES WAS DEAD. AUTHORITIES SAY SIRITS IS STILL AT LARGE.
Kamala: I'm not saying I'm hot, but I've never paid for a drink in my life.
Data: Fascinating...though I am unsure as to what currency you would have used had you not been so inherently attractive.
Geordi: Commander, do you remember that time I saved the ship from that giant space whale thing?
Riker: Oh, do you mean the time you programmed that sexy holographic "engineer" to give you a massage while you brainstormed about weaning?
Geordi: I hate you.
Picard: Would you like to take a break before we begin?
Sarek: Depends.
Picard: ...?
Satie: - and while I've got you under oath, Doctor, would you please tell the court just what the Captain asked you to bring him in his quarters at midnight last night?
Crusher: Depends.
Satie: ...?
Picard: Do you always sit like that, Captain?
Bateson: Depends.
Picard: Say no more.
Commander Moon: Number One reporting for duty!
Kamala: I'm not saying I'm hot, but I make the Cat look like Duane Dibley.
Satie: And let me remind you that you are under oath, Doctor. Are you in fact saying that you are hot?
Bateson: I'm not saying I'm hot, but...
First officer (interrupting): That's because you're not, sir.
Kamala: I'm not saying I'm hot, but I make the Cat look like Duane Dibley.
1: [Insert obligatory pussy joke!] 2: [insert joke about insertion!] 3: nice to see another dwarfer.
Riker: "Hey, baby, how many spots do you have? I bet it's a Trillion. LOL, get it?"
In his attempt to become more human, Data continues his quest to understand why women find commander Riker funny.
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