TNG Caption This! #428: Eye on Starfleet

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "So THAT's where that goes!" Award, going to:

Crusher: "We have a break room? Why didn't anyone tell me we had a break room?"

Next, we have the "Awkward..." Award, going to:

Riker: Wait, I thought I was accompanying Troi to Risa.

Next, we have the "Dangerous Situation" Award, going to:

Data: Please let me back in, Jenna! I was not referring to you as Tasha during our coitus! I was being a pirate! Yaaaaaarrrrrrrrr! Also it's not really detachable! I am in serious condition right now!

Next, the same captioner had two great entries that were doing battle in my brain, so both entries win!

K'Ehleyr: "All right! I'll be back! In the Sailor Moon outfit! But you owe me for this!"

And...

Worf: "And no onions."
K'Ehleyr: "I told you I am not fetching your lunch for you! I'm not your servant!"
Worf: "And get yourself something, too, if you want."
K'Ehleyr: "Sigh."

Next, we have the "Wrong Program" Award, going to:

PICARD: Dixon Hill?! I can't do Shakespeare quotes as Dixon Hill! Computer, end program!

LeadHead was a very happy guy judging this one because of all the photoshops! Our winner is:

PICARD: Always have a back up plan.

Geordi: *Engineer's Personal Log-I really hate when Data acts out the "Doomsday" episode of Doctor Who and makes me play Rose.

In the event of a structural integrity failure, Data was assigned to holding walls in place

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest! The theme for this was suggested to me by dstyer, and for those of you who may think up ideas for a theme to do here on the contest or a photo you'd like to see. Please feel free to PM me, I can't guarantee that I'll go with it, but I can guarantee that I will appreciate the feedback and food for thought. Not that I'm in any way pondering passing the baton, but I realized recently that this summer I've been running caption contests here for 5 years. I'm the first to admit that my brain doesn't always produce golden ideas, so it brings a smile to my face when someone takes the time to send one of their golden ideas my way.

Thank you, dstyer!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Wesley! Not again with the snowball fights!

Worf: Captain...

Data: My apologies, Captain.

Picard: This is Google Glass, you will be assimilated.

Lal: Why is that woman walking away from Commander La Forge angry?

Since we never saw Sela again, this might have also been the Vulcan Death Grip.

O'Brien: This is for going to Transporter Room 2 last week!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Wesley, no! Do not hit Captain Picard with that--"

MOMENTS LATER...

Picard: "You little vomitous piece of merde -- I will inject pain into your eyes!"

Lal: "What is your function on the ship?"

Guinan: "Well, I'm the ship's bartender."

Lal: "But the ship does not have a bar."

Guinan: "Yes, but I have alcohol behind it."

Lal: "Is that not banned for consumption?"

Guinan: "Technically, yes."

Lal: "So, what is your function on the ship?"

Guinan: "I guess I bar tend, go and serve people."

Lal: "But the replicators make the food. And are people too lzy to get their own food?"

Guinan: "Ah, they do, but--."

Lal: "Do you at least cook any of the food?"

Guinan: "No, it's all replicated."

Lal: "I see. Again, what is your function on the ship?"

Guinan: "Oh, well, sometimes I lend an ear to those in need."

Lal: "And you require all of 10-Forward to accomplish this?"

Guinan: "My you're inquisitive."

Lal: "Does any of what you say help?"

Guinan: "Oh, yeah."

Lal: "And it's useful -- not something the individule could have come up with him or herself jsut thinking about it for ten minutes?"

Guinan: "Well, not really. I guess after hundreds of years I haven't learned to dispence advice worth a shit."

Lal: "Ah. But you actually do something of use on the ship, do you not?"

Guinan: "I wear big hats."

Lal: "Huh. What is it you'd say you do around here, exactly?"

Guinan: "Well, later I'll be really good at attending new adriod daughter funerals, you asshole."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Sela: Oh! Fully functional, indeed! (gasps)

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Guinan: "His name is Commander Riker. And, yes, he is very handsome. And, yes, you can go over and talk to him if you want. Just be forewarned: When he tries to flirt, he gets really smarmy."

O'Brien: "Didn't I warn you that if you tried to stop us I'd fry your ass?"
Riker: "I didn't know you meant literally! Ouch! How much longer?!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Please, if any of you can hear me. Stop with the "Keiko is a shrew" captions! He doesn't ....Auuuuughhhh!

WORF: Mr. Crusher, the Captain clearly stated "Not in the face".

DATA: Intriguing. Where have I seen that expression before?

CRUSHER: No!!! No!!! I had almost defeated Sheldor the Conquer!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Captain Picard didn't approve of the yearly shipwide games of water balloon assassin.

RIKER: Get his mouth open.
WESLEY: No!
WORF: You will...EAT YOUR BROCCOLI!

GUINAN: Okay, this entire thing is ridiculous. First off, Data is legally a person and to even think you can just seize his daughter is tyrannical. Second, this snobby response to having her serve drinks, can you think of a better way for her to observe natural human behavior? I think you're just a dick.

DATA: I slept with your mother.
SELA: YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!

O'BRIEN: I know I'm possessed by an prisoner entity...but at least I finally...have something...TO DO!!!

 

[joededman]

Lal: So you are saying that only Wesley was interested in whether or not I was fully functional? How.. disappointing.
Guinan: There, there. I'm sure there'll be others.

Sela: Yes.. yes! Right there. It's like you know my body intimately already..

Camera operator: And there we go. I told the D.P. it didn't matter where we put the camera, Frakes would try and shove his face right into it.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Lal: "First they were holding hands. Then they were kissing. And now they're leaving together. Where are they going?"
Guinan: "Lal, there are some things your father's just gonna have to explain to you when he thinks you're ready.
Lal: "Are they not going to one of their quarters to do the nasty?"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Data: I will not be some cheap one-night stand, Tasha. Your preposterous disguise will not save you from your commitment issues!

O'Brien: FAUGH A BALLAGH!

 

[tharpdevenport]

When you see it, you'll shit gold-pressed latinum bricks.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

As if hi-definition images back in the 2010's showing the imperfections of the costuming, sets, etc. wasn't bad enough, the 2020's upgrade to 10K 3D made sneezes a harrowing experience to watch.

Leadhead: You will play Mass Effect and you will love it!

Lal: No commander, I have not, in fact heard the one about the Ferengi, the Vulcan, and the Borg walking into a bar. Will you please tell it?

Guinan: Trust me, you don't want to know!

Data: Strange. Your mother enjoyed this.

Riker: Great Bird of the Galaxy! Stop making O'Brien your personal punching bag, he's getting really pissed off about it!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Guinan: "The gentleman at table six wants a Screaming Orgasm, Lal."
Lal: "A screaming orgasm? Oh, how I have dreamed of this moment!"
Guinan: "It's a drink, Lal."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Guinan: "The gentleman at table six wants a Screaming Orgasm, Lal."
Lal: "A screaming orgasm? Oh, how I have dreamed of this moment!"
Guinan: "It's a drink, Lal."

Guinan: "Oh, and the couple at table eleven want Sex on the Beach."

Lal: "Sex on the beach? Oh, I have also dreamed of this request."

Guinan: "It's also a drink, Lal."

Lal: "Oh."

Guinan: "Wait -- the group at table sixty nine want to be pooped on while three-proging it in a large circle suck."

Lal: "Ah -- another drink."

Guinan: "Actually....."

 

[Nerys Myk]

GUININ: I will follow Him Follow Him where ever he may go And near Him I always will be For nothing can keep me away He is my destiny

Sing with me Sister Mary Robert....

 

[Triskelion]

Lal: That one is trying too hard with women. That one needs to rewrite a book. That one should admit to almost destroying the ship. And that one...prune juice. Lots and lots of prune juice.

Guinan: Yeah...you're fired.

 

[tharpdevenport]

 

[Catarina]

No one informed the Captain that he was volunteered for the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Beverly: [manipulative] But you love taking exams.
Worf: Today is a good day for oral hygiene.

Lal: Why is that man climbing up onto that female's backside?

Guinan: About that, allow me to illustrate with low-budget, counterproductive education from the 20th century on the subject.

Data: You dirty girl.

Riker: Ow! My ass!

O'Brien: Sir, there is a 20th century dish network satellite from, I'd say 1995 maybe a 97, coming out your ass! *zap*
Worf: (barely audible) South Park did it.

 

[Triskelion]

Chief of Security: Nice tits.

Wesley: But I don't want to be the ship's Parisses Squares color commentator! And to be honest I'm not one hundred percent convinced it's actually a thing!

Lal: DS9 has Morn. TOS has Rebecca. VOY has Paul, and ENT has the guy who played the bailiff from Never Love a Goalie Part II. Who from Cheers do we have?
Guinan: Remember the one who got famous and left?
Lal: WE HAVE THE ONE WHO LEAVES TO PURSUE A MOVIE CAREER AND IS NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN??
Guinan: Ouch, I meant Frasier, we have Frasier. But yeah, your thing too.

Data: Is....this your card?
Sela: Needs work!

First Officer's Log, Supplemental: The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to light each other's farts with phasers!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Hutchy01]

Lal: DS9 has Morn. TOS has Rebecca. VOY has Paul, and ENT has the guy who played the bailiff from Never Love a Goalie Part II. Who from Cheers do we have?

Guinan: Bill Grand!