TNG Caption This! #395: Captain's Privilege

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new caption contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Thanks for making us feel better about this mission, Captain" Award, going to:

Picard: "Anything you'd like me to tell your next of kin?"

Riker: "Yeah, that we didn't die...?"

Next, we have the "Fully Loaded" Award, going to:

Worf: Sir, it is a dozen parsecs to Starbase 47, we have a full load of dilithium, six phaser power packs, space is dark...and we are wearing Starfleet uniforms.

Data: Hit it.

Next, we have the "Honorable Games" Award, going to:

Worf: "Ha! Fools! He did not say 'Simon says'!"

Next, we have the "Mixed up Q's" Award, going to:

Q: What do you mean, gadgets? I don't give people gadgets.
Secret Agent Julian Bashir: I'm confused.Are you or are you not my equipment manager?

Next, we have the "Nice read, Velma" Award, going to:

At that point Riker unmasked the Data-like android and found out he had been Riva the whole time.

Troi: He's thinking he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that pesky Klingon.

Fantastic photoshops! Couldn't choose just one, so we have two winners!

Q: Very funny, Jean-Luc. Now kindly return me to my proper universe.

And...

Q: Sorry, Jean-Luc. No fun today. I promised some friends I'd babysit their kid

Can't choose between these two here, so they both win!

Worf: Security Officer's Log-Today, Today I saw the most magnificent cloud. It looked like Kahless beheading Molor. It was glorious. However, while I gazed upon it, the Away Team ran to their deaths.

And...

Captain's log: I'm preparing myself to hear about the most boring shore leave two officers have ever had

The crisis takes a turn for the worse when the Enterprise officers discover the film crew recording their every movement.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, we're going to start a new character arc of contests, starting with the one, the only, Captain Jean-Luc Picard!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: Shocking!

Captain's Personal Log: After hours and hours, Beverly and I are at a loss of who to Re-gift this crappy X-Mas gift too.

Picard: Why, yes, Mister Mott. I do look that cool all the time.

Riker: Good thing we found him before Admiral Nechayev caught him asleep behind the wheel again.

Data: Your art is quite interesting, Captain. It is reminiscent of a piece I saw in a Risian brothel.

 

[Rat Boy]

Geordi: "This looks really trippy on my VISOR."

Picard: "Well there's your problem, Doctor. You said it's supposed to be Scarlet Moss when in fact it's pink."

Picard: "Dammit, I said a little off the top!"

Riker: "So...who wants to poke him to see if he's still alive?"

Data: "A very intriguing portrait of Kahless, sir."

Picard: "Except I was trying to copy the Mona Lisa."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

"Captain's Log. Stardate 47369.4. Commander Riker has just informed me that, while on Risa, he purchased 1,000 items called 'Wishnik Damn Thing Globes' as gifts for the crew. I can only assume he had been drinking at the time."

Picard: "We bald fellows have to stick together, eh, Mr. Mott?"
Mott: "I used to have a full head of hair, you know."
Picard: "Really? Did you part it down the middle?"
Mott: *Long pause*
Picard: "Sorry. Bad joke."

Picard: "Number One, do you know the only thing worse than being caught doing this? Being caught doing this by a group of six people at once."

Picard: "Do you really like it? Because I was thinking, if I can paint eleven more similar to it, I could publish my own cat calendar."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GEORDI: Captain, you can't always pick Biotic in the Mass Effect holonovel, Biotics are totally broken!
PICARD: Captain's privilege. Now die.

PICARD (thinking): Now she's serving me cotton candy? This is the day I tell her, all I want is coffee and croissant!

PICARD: I said I wanted the Pablo Picasso. This is the Jason Alexander!

PULASKI: What are you doing?
RIKER: I have the strangest feeling I am going to need to choose which one is the real Picard. Hand me a magic marker.

DATA: Inquiry. Is this what is known as 'Fingerpainting'?
PICARD: Data. Erase the last five minutes from your memory banks.
DATA: Yes sir. But you are fingerpainting, right?

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Part of the reason why Geordi was promoted to Chief Enginer was the fact that Argyle's decision to jailbreak LCARS resulted in some unfortunate consequences.

Picard: Captain's Personal Log: Though Beverly appears cautious, I am eager to try this Viagra for females tonight to spice things up.

Picard: Mr. Mot, you've done it again! Eyebrows on Fleek!

Riker: And you're sure, Dr. Pulaski, that he won't wake up until we've jettisoned the shuttlepod and are at least 100 light years from here?

Picard: I call it Polar Bear in a blizzard.

Data: Sir, I am not programmed to be an art critic, however, I do need to call you out on the fact that you obviously left the canvas blank and are suffering from artist's block.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Finn]

Picard: What was that?

Mot: A little something I picked up when we were at Starbase 544. I promise you will look as good in 25 years.

Riker: Perhaps switching Mozart with Data's poems was a bad idea when I gave him a mix isolinear rod for his trip to Risa.

Pulaski: Wow, he is really out. Data is something, isn't he?

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: The old electrified console trick. I love the classics.

LAFORGE: Something's burning. You might want to cut the power.

PICARD: Chilled monkey what?

CRUSHER: I saw it in a movie

PICARD: Give me the Sisko.

RIKER: Maybe we should have knocked first?

GUY BEHIND PULASKI: Is that "Vulcan Love Slave II"?

DATA: On second thought, "paint what's outside your window" might not be the best advice.

 

[Maurice]

PICARD: Yes, my great great great grandparents did change the last name from Palpatine. How did you guess?

PICARD: Did you say "Barbie eggs"?

PICARD: Dammit, I asked for a mullet!

RIKER: What's his blood alcohol level this time?
PULASKI: It reads as point oh my God.

PICARD: Now, where to begin?
DATA: I would suggest starting with painting in all the areas marked with the number one.
PICARD: God I love art!

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: You left the sensors set on "wormhole sphincters," Data.

 

[bolak]

DATA ( O/S ): Sorry for the interruption, but we have declared a Yellow Alert due to a... Captain, these appear to be your trousers on the floor. Do you require them?

 

[Ithekro]

Thank you.

Crusher: I've been color coding your samples for this display.

 

[bolak]

Technically its composition and delivery were flawless, but the senior staff were still uncomfortable listening to Data's recital of his latest poem, One Hot Night with Tasha.

 

[Finn]

Pulaski: What happened?

Riker: He was leaving Starfleet Medical when Beverly finally told him. Looks like the shock was too much for him. Fortunately, the shuttle was on autopilot.

 

[Dexter Remmick]

LAFORGE: And this, Data, is why I want that post in engineering.

"For my science project I planted radishes, in this special dirt, and they came up all weird."

PICARD: Oh dear god.

PICARD: You should have seen it Mot, it was glorious. It was truly shoulder length.

RIKER: We found a note. Said he couldn't live without Crusher.

Picard: Be honest Data, you saw her winking at me too didn't you?

 

[2takesfrakes]

BEV: "What do these things make you think of?"

JOHNNY: "What? I don't know? Uhm ... You sure come up with some toughies! Well ... I guess ... that pink stuff kind of reminds me of the fake grass in Easter baskets, maybe."

BEV: "Yeah, Easter's good. It reminds me of Easter Eggs, actually. Eggs can be fertilised ... you know. Like, when we had sex recently - you remember? You fertilised an egg of mine, that night ..."

JOHNNY: "Sacré bleu!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

DATA: "Have you tried using 'perspective,' Captain?"

PICARD: "What? ... No, Data."

DATA: "Have you ever studied 'anatomy,' sir?"

PICARD: "Beverly Crusher's the doctor on this ship, Mister Data. No, I haven't studied anatomy."

DATA: "There is also something called 'colour theory' which might interest ..."

PICARD: "Data ... your future in STARFLEET so depends on you not continuing to annoy me with this line of questioning."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Captain, you're needed on the bridge. It's an emergency.

PICARD: Trying to sleep here. Why don't you be useful for a change and handle it?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Two by two, hands of blue.

Geordi: Wrong universe, Data.

Beverly (thinking): Hmmm...these samples are exactly the same shape as Jean-Luc's head. I wonder if I could get a research paper out of this?

Data: That is a most intriguing Jackson Pollock, Captain.

Picard: Actually, Data, it's from last night's chili cookoff.

Riker: What's that note pinned to his chest?

Worf: It's from the Borg. "We don't want him."

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Maybe it's time I give comb-overs a try, what do you say, Mister Mott?"