TNG Caption This! #394: To Boldly Go...

[LeadHead]

Hello and Happy New Year to everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "Okay, so some people do know the trouble I've seen," Award, going to:

Mrs Apgar: Pardon my desperation. Do you have any idea what it's like being held hostage under constant threat of harangue by an aging Napoleon with a receding hairline complex?
Riker: Actually....

Next, we have the "Preparing for Season 3" Award, going to:

Data explains the plans for next season's opening credits.

Next, we have the "Keeping the ALERT in Red Alert" Award, going to:

Yar: I don't know. I just think using the red alert for messy rooms will make it seem less meaningful when we need it for a battle or something.

Next, we have the "Hero of the Enterprise" Award, going to:

Data: All I did was bypass the mainframe & disengage the holodeck's censor protocol

Next, we have the "Interstellar Diplomacy" Award, going to:

Vulcan: "I am quite certain that the Romulans will not agree to the terms of the treaty."

Picard: "Really?"

Vulcan: "Indeed. I have 400 quatloos riding on it."

Our Photoshop award, goes to:

DATA: And when viewed together the resemblance is even more remarkable. Next let me play a sample of Starfleet's computer voice....

LWAXANA: Good lord, not this again.

Security Officer's log: It looks like one of the junior officers lost her judgement after getting tipsy at the party last night. Goodness knows I'd sleep with.... Data before I'd let that happens to me.

Riker: "There is something very familiar about you, Mrs. Apgar. I can't quite put my finger on it."
Apgar: "Just give her another drink, Riker, and I'm sure she'll let you put your finger on it."

Riker: It's amazing that, for all the technological advances of the Galaxy class, our corridors still look identical to this old ship.

Riker: And to your wife, who I intend to sleep with!

Dr. Apgar: Go ahead, she's like this station's only shuttlecraft!

Riker: Because everybody's ridden her?

Dr. Apgar: ...that and they both have huge asses.

DATA: "In a manner of speaking, this planetoid was discovered to be nothing but a lifeless hunk of rock, a useless ball of mud, a worthless chunk of dirt, a complete waste of space, a pathetic excuse for a dustbowl, an inferior ..."

PICARD: I hadn't really thought about it before, but it's a little bit freaky that all Vulcans have raging, violent emotional impulses racing through their heads at all times and are just really good at controlling them. What if just one Vulcan decided not to? Holy crap.

Since it's still New Years Week, I wanted to say Happy new Year to you all one more time, and express my appreciation for the continued participation, creativity and joy you bring to this contest and to me.

So...

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Your mission is simple, beam down, find and procure Saurian Brandy, then beam back.

Riker: Official Starfleet Business, got it.

Worf: Come on, Enterprise. Let us land in the Main Shuttlebay, we're always landing in Shuttlebay 2.

Geordi: Commander, hang on! We're coming to help you!

Worf: Those flowers are pretty.

Geordi: MOST of us are coming to help you!

Data: (over comm) Bridge to Captain Picard, we have just been sent halfway across the galaxy. Is Q on board again?

Troi: We're here to make peace on this planet.

Riker: Good point, Deanna. Worf, shoot to wound only.

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Anything you'd like me to tell your next of kin?"

Riker: "Yeah, that we didn't die...?"

Worf: "Why do we always have to be the ones who have to scrape the bugs off the hull?"

Worf: "Seriously? You all run after Riker when he trips and falls, but when I get thrown across the bridge you don't do anything?"

Thanks to new Star Trek director Justin Lin, drifting was introduced in the next movie. And Q. And the Enterprise-D. And spandex.

Riker: "Do you hear something?"

Troi and Worf: *facepalm*

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Riker: "How can we be sure he's really deaf? Hey! Hey, you! Hey, monkey-face!"
Troi: "Stop that!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Chief, containment field around the transporter pad.
O'BRIEN: Sir?
PICARD: Riker just came back from shore leave. Prepare to initiate level 1 decontamination sweep.
GEORDI: It's for the greater good.

WORF: Data, prepare to launch. This surveillance mission could last a long time. Just you and me together in this shuttlecraft for weeks.
DATA: Understood. Deactivating smell receptors.
WORF: Hey!

GEORDI: Tag! You're it!

GUINAN: What do you want Q?
Q: As much as I hate to admit it, I need your help. I'm out of good insults. I need some dirt on Jean Luc.
GUINAN: *Sigh* If it'll get you to leave me alone, fine. I'll give you a list of sources William Shakespeare plagiarized from. Bringing these up will drive him crazy.

TROI: Will, what are you doing?
RIKER: I'm trying out my poker face on a deaf guy.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Q: Was it something I said?

GEORDI: Step aside, Worf! This is a job for the Nerd Squad!

 

[2takesfrakes]

Thanks for the Win! >: )

TROI: "Riva, we will be your new chorus, for this negotiation. I will be your new 'Harmony'. Data will represent your 'Intellect.' And Riker will express your 'Libido.'"

RIKER: "Yes, that's right. So let's practice a little bit first, OK? Hmmm ... Wait! I think I ... I think I'm getting some impressions, here. I may have stumbled onto his wavelength. Alright, let me try this out. 'I'm Riva. I'm ... the Riva-Man!'"

TROI: "No, Will ..."

RIKER: "'I get it any way I can! When I find it, I bump and grind it. Putting all of my weight behind it ..."

TROI: "Shut up, Will...!!!"

 

[bolak]

LAFORGE: Worf, next time someone asks you if you're a god...

 

[at Quark's]

Data: "I'd wish captain Picard would stop giving in to these fads... those new rank insignia on our arms look clumsy and overstated"
Worf: "Like a bat'leth?"

Geordi: "Worf, just what part of 'relay race' is so hard to understand?"

Q: It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid..... I dare you to break the warp 5 speed limit!

 

[2takesfrakes]

... Away Team Assemble!

 

[bolak]

Q: Very funny, Jean-Luc. Now kindly return me to my proper universe.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTWLH!!! Happy new year and thanks for making with all the funny!

Picard: I wouldn't say no to a gelato.
Riker: Sir, we're entering a war situation on the planet. Also, it's NOT EARTH.
Picard: Of course, Number One, you're right. A candied apple, then. Or whatever they call their apples here.

Data: Show tune?
Worf: No. Klingon opera?
Data: No. Torch song?
Worf: No. Scat jazz?
Data: No. 19th century Earth folk ditty?
Worf: No. Battle dirge?
Data: No. Wait, did you say 'cat jazz'?
Worf: No!
Data: I distinctly heard you say -
Worf: BY FEKLAR'S MOOBSLING IT IS NEVER CAT JAZZ!
Data: All right! Yeesh.


...

Data: Sea shanty?
Worf: No....

Geordi, Beverly & Data: Sno-cones!
Worf: I wonder if they have red - like the blood of my sworn enemies.

Troi: Wait, I'm getting something...Yes Riva, Commander Riker is supposed to be standing here and not in the caption above this one. Believe me, I checked with Leadhead.
...
...
Worf: Ask him if he likes pleats.

Q: I'm a one man sausage fest.
...
...
Guess I'll save that one for my diary.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: Unacceptable, I clearly asked you to bring back some milk. How hard is it for you to remember to pick up the milk?

Riker: Do...do you want us to go back for it.

Picard: No, nevermind, I didn't really want milk anyway. Guess I'll just use the replicated kind. Even though you can definitely tell a difference in the eggs.

Riker: The eggs?

Picard: Damn it, Number One! You forgot the eggs, too?!

Worf: Do you ever worry that they mixed up your transporter beacon with Wesley's and now it won't work, stranding you on the Borg ship?

Data: ...I do now.

Worf: Security Officer's Log-Today, Today I saw the most magnificent cloud. It looked like Kahless beheading Molor. It was glorious. However, while I gazed upon it, the Away Team ran to their deaths.

Q: Damn, it! All the power I could ever want and I can't think of anything interesting to do with it! Nobody knows the troubles I've seen.

Dorn: Damn it, Frakes! You can't break the fourth wall!
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: All yours, Worf. Secure away!

WORF: Wait...what?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Q: Sorry, Jean-Luc. No fun today. I promised some friends I'd babysit their kid

 

[Rat Boy]

Worf: "Why should I run from the zombies? They're only after human brains."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Ha! Fools! He did not say 'Simon says'!"

 

[Ithekro]

La Forge: Captain! They've insulted his values and I can't talk him down. We are looking at a Worf core breach in twenty seconds!

 

[Nerys Myk]

♪ Yakety Sax ♫

 

[Rat Boy]

Geordi: "Aren't you going to help Commander Riker?"

Worf: "No. That petaQ owes me money."