TNG Caption This! #393: Lets Party like it 2370!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New Contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Made by Professor Farnsworth" Award, going to:

Picard: How is this the 100% effective birth control you mentioned?
Vash: It's a suppository.
Picard: By jove it works! Beam me up, Reginald!

Next, we have the "Craig Ferguson Appreciation Award," going to:

[door chime]

Picard: Who's that at the door?

[Upbeat music starts]

[Data enters and runs around the room for a short time then exits]

[Upbeat music stops]

Next, we have the "How is this happening in the 24th Century?!" Award, going to:

HAYNE: Hey, booze! Thanks! But what I really want is transport to Earth for all of our people. It is silly in the utopian 24th century for us to have to live in this awful place just because our ancestors failed to establish a successful colony. Do you know they have rape gangs here? Rape gangs! This is 2367. If you could bring us back to Earth we could enjoy the same safety and luxury that other humans do.
RIKER: I can get you more booze!

Next, we have "Taking the good with the bad" Award, going to:

Worf tried not to be envious of Lieutenant Jones for marrying someone twenty years younger than him, but at least there was his trophy wife's bratty kid that balanced things out.

Next, we have the "Irritating Actors" Award, going to:

Spiner: Patrick, I realize you were Scrooge, too, but for the love of Marley, could you stop whispering his lines under your breath? I CAN HEAR YOU.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

"Jean-Luc, since this vacation started - let's face it - you've been listless ... and this just might perk you up."

"You want to perk me up?"

"Mhm."

"It makes me shudder to think what your mind might concoct. I'll take this pill ..."

Picard: When I said go get the Jackass , I meant Commander Riker!

Data: Sir, I believe your peace attempts have been successful! The people of Troyius have given us this horse as a gesture of peace!

Data: Apparently, "It reminded me of you" is not sufficient cause for presenting a gift to the counselor

Just then, Worf realised he had sent the pattern for Troi's All-Night Orgasmatron Bunny to the wrong replicator.

Data: ``Navigation reports we are entering a dense field of collectible knick-knacks.''

Well, a lot of winners this time around! Congratulations to all of our winners! Many thanks to everyone who has participated! These special awards will be around for one more week!

And in honor of the New Year starting in just a few days, it seems the right time to say this...

Happy New Year to you all!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

First Officer's Log: I'm having a drink with a crabby scientist, his amorous wife, while here to learn more about a revolutionary new power source. What could possibly go wrong?

Data: ...And at this point, a large gear will release the ball above Time's Square sending it down at a rate of 3 meters per second, allowing it to reach it's destination 0.68 seconds before 12:00 AM.

Riker: Somebody's gonna have to clean up after this party. No Nose Goes.

The crew was proud of Data when he defeated Kolrami in a game of Settlers of Catan.

Picard: Once every 7 years? I don't think I could handle that.

Crusher: (thinking) You have so far.

 

[Finn]

Security Officer's log: It looks like one of the junior officers lost her judgement after getting tipsy at the party last night. Goodness knows I'd sleep with.... Data before I'd let that happens to me.

 

[bolak]

Riker, thinking: Damn, those are my missing y-fronts lying there. Try not to look... don't make it obvious.

Laforge: Wooeee! Looks like it's Commando Riker today!

Picard: You haven't really done much since Lady in Red have you, Chris?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

HOLOGRAPHIC RIKER: Do you have any roast baby? I love eating babies. The only thing that makes me happier than eating babies is kicking puppies.
RIKER: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED! I do not eat babies!
JUDGE: The rules of our justice system say you do.
RIKER: And I only kicked a puppy that one time!

MR HOMN: The Androids are not what they seem.

RIKER: Oh, sorry Worf. I should have knocked first. Sorry K'elyhr.

DATA: I tied the master at strategema. Now you all owe me neck massages.

PICARD: I hadn't really thought about it before, but it's a little bit freaky that all Vulcans have raging, violent emotional impulses racing through their heads at all times and are just really good at controlling them. What if just one Vulcan decided not to? Holy crap.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: And I once melded with Sarek. Do you know him?

VULCAN: Look, we don't all know each other!

RIKER: I'll need a volunteer to check for Ambasssdor Troi in the shower.

Lwaxana: Somebody shoot me. He's been going on about orbits for three hours.

APGAR: Just go ahead and have sex. The suspense is killing me.

 

[2takesfrakes]

TROI: "Data ... DATA!!! Data, my foot!!! You're stepping on my FOOT!!!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

PICARD: "Haha ... yes, I've heard that rumour, myself and no, it's not true. Doctor Crusher and I are not a couple. I wouldn't be caught dead with a woman old enough to be my wife."

 

[Rat Boy]

Mrs. Apgar: "Here's to my husband's new death ray!"

Dr. Apgar: "...seriously? Couldn't keep quiet for one damn night?!"

Data: "You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point..."

Mrs. Troi: *snore*

Picard: "Data, she fell asleep halfway through Episode One. You could've stopped there."

Riker: "We need to reconsider this giving Justin Bieber a VIP suite policy."

Data was baffled as to why people suddenly wanted to try the Vulcan nerve pinch on him.

Vulcan: "I am quite certain that the Romulans will not agree to the terms of the treaty."

Picard: "Really?"

Vulcan: "Indeed. I have 400 quatloos riding on it."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "There is something very familiar about you, Mrs. Apgar. I can't quite put my finger on it."
Apgar: "Just give her another drink, Riker, and I'm sure she'll let you put your finger on it."

Crewman (OS): "Sigh. If you say so, Commander. But just remember: one person's 'shipshape and Bristol fashion' is just another person's 'nag, nag, nag.'"

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: And to your wife, who I intend to sleep with!

Dr. Apgar: Go ahead, she's like this station's only shuttlecraft!

Riker: Because everybody's ridden her?

Dr. Apgar: ...that and they both have huge asses.

Data: And, so this proves once and for all that the millennium did not start until 2301, and not, as many believed, on January 1, 2300.

Data: Lt. LaForge, are you aware that blood has engorged your penis resulting in an erection?

Guinan: Bartender's log, supplemental. Apparently, Data's virtual reality naked woman game is a hit. For some reason, people love watching him fondle her breasts.

Picard: ...that's what she said!

Vulcan: I am unsure of what circumstances would prompt a female to say, "I've never seen one that big."

Crusher: Especially with what the Captain is packing.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Finn]

Picard: How's your grandmother doing?

Admiral Tucker: She is as expected. It has been 150 years today my grandfather passed away.

Spiner: *under his breath* remind me to have my agent have those douches behind me charged for touching me. I don't even know who the fuck they are and they are supposed to just clap.

 

[2takesfrakes]

Oh! Thanks for the win, by the way! >: )

DATA: "In a manner of speaking, this planetoid was discovered to be nothing but a lifeless hunk of rock, a useless ball of mud, a worthless chunk of dirt, a complete waste of space, a pathetic excuse for a dustbowl, an inferior ..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Everybody had assumed Data has been playing an quick-paced epic game of Parrises Squares, but they were all blistfully unaware that the censors on each of his fingertips was transmitting wirelessly to receptors down in and on Troi's Happy Place.

Picard: "Yes, well, it's really just food coloring and my urine. But everybody seems to be enjoying it."

 

[bolak]

Data: ... which leads me to conclude that the body of the real Captain Picard lies in orbit in this star system.

No doubt you similarly intended to dispose of the body of Mrs Troi and replace her with an almost-likeness stunt double?

Mr Homm: I would have got away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling androids.

 

[Triskelion]

Mrs Apgar: Pardon my desperation. Do you have any idea what it's like being held hostage under constant threat of harangue by an aging Napoleon with a receding hairline complex?
Riker: Actually....

Data: - And that is why one should never offer one's left nut for something - unless you really need it. Particularly around some ginormous idiot manservant who takes things so literally he still thinks it's Hammer time.

Riker: Don't worry, Tasha - there are no rape gangs on Enterprise.
Tasha: Jackass.

Pulaski: Anybody gonna tell him Strategema was just Connect4 and a goat milker kit?
LaForge: Nope.

Picard: Two Vulcan high priests and a sehlat in pon farr walk into a bar.
Vulcan: Was one of their names K'Tol? That sounds like something K'Tol would do.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Admiral Uhura, we really don't need you to do your famous fan dance.

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the win

Apgar: oh.... yeaaah..... that Riker.... Now I remember who you are

Data: My next two poems are odes to Gamma Epsilon 2 & Gamma Epsilon 3

Riker: This outpost's red light district is insane

Tasha: I thought you'd like it

Data: All I did was bypass the mainframe & disengage the holodeck's censor protocol

Picard: So ambassador, what's your current position on redheads............ and 3-ways?

 

[Nebusj]

Thanks for the win!

Apgar: ``You know, are any of us actually drunk enough to be having this conversation?''
Riker: ``Nope. Let's have another round.''

Data explains the plans for next season's opening credits.

Riker: ``This crew appears to have been in an all-out fight for their right to party.''

Grey Sweater-Wearing Guy Touching Brent Spiner's Right Shoulder: ``I did it! I'm on Star Trek! I'm a celebrity now! Trekkies are gonna love me! I'm gonna be famous forever!''
Wil Wheaton: ``Yeah, uh, not to harsh your buzz, but ... ''

Picard: ``Indeed? No, I had no idea the inventor of the Flowbee was from Vulcan.''

 

[2takesfrakes]

The TNG cast discovers how Gates McFadden really felt, when she was told she wouldn't be coming back for a second season ...