TNG Caption This! #383: Halloween Part I!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Lets get started!

First up to the plate, we have the "Diplomatic Priorities" Award, going to:

Picard: Welcome back Ambassador Briam. We've been meaning to contact you about finding some more of those empathic metamorphs you might have lying around

Next, we have the "Internal Monologue" Award, going to:

Worf: *Thinking* Why do I have to be Leadhead's favourite character? A whole week of jokes insulting me alternating with jokes about Mass Effect I don't understand.

Next, we have the "Prime Directive 101" Award, going to:

PICARD: The Prime Directive explicitly states we only have to respect other planets' laws when they don't seem silly to us!

Next, we have the "Nicknames" Award, going to:

PICARD: "Beverly! Are you drunk?"
BEVERLY: "Yesssssssssirrreeeee"
PICARD: "I don't think that's appropriate behavior for the ship's surgeon, or a mother!"
BEVERLY: "How'd you like to be known as Jean-Lucky Picard?"

Next, we have the "A very non-romantic evening" Award, going to:

LaForge: "So, we're just going to spend the night playing video games?"
Ro: "You said you wanted to get together and do that thing I 'love to do the most,' didn't you?"
LaForge: "Yeah, but I thought...from all those rumors floating around about you..."
Ro: "Oh, those rumors! They are a hoot, aren't they? Ooo! New level!"

Acting Ensign's Log: I'm gonna be Riker when I grow up. I'll even grow a beard…

Second Officer's Log: I think the boy harbors an admiration for me. I hypothesize that he would take after me when he is fully grown and is a starfleet officer

Backup Ops officer's log: Thank god Data isn't pulling a Riker on me...

Since there weren't any Photoshop awards this time around, how about some extra KBLs?

Picard: And if you join the Federation in the next 15 minutes we will throw in a free gift of one (1) Westley Crusher.

Riker (whispering): If we just keep smiling, they might fall for it.

Worf: ``Chair? No, why would I want a chair? Data, that's different. Data apparently needs three chairs, and doesn't even use them, but me? A chair? Whyever would someone think I might want a chair? Why, if I took a chair that might keep Commander Data from having his precious three chairs right in front of me where I can't not see them not even being used by anybody. Rassafracking chair rowrbazzle.''

Riker: Sir, this planet is on the brink of a global war that will set their civilizations back a thousand years. They need our help.
Picard: Have they achieved warp travel yet?
Riker: Yes sir. The Prime Directive does not prohibit us from rendering planetary aid.
Picard: Great, great.... Oh, who am I kidding, screw 'em.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, for this spooky time of year, I was looking though the photos I had for this contest and decided I wanted to see lots of them captioned so there'll be 2 Halloween related contests! This week and next week! Lets get spooky!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: What is it?

Data: A life form.

La Forge: How do you know?

Data: It always is.

La Forge: That's all we found Commander, she's either dead, or naked.

Riker: Riker to O'Brien. Beam Geordi up.

Picard: If we destroy these scrolls, the Twilight movies will never happen. Mister Worf, your phaser.

Data: Anybody else want to open this? Anybody?

Data: I do not think we are in the Kansas System anymore.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: This, plus the frond less palm tree we found can only mean one thing.

GEORDI: Yes?

RIKER: Uhura is out there and she's about to start dancing!!!!

WORF: Emergency beam out!!!!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Log Entry Winner

Data: The probe is reading an Starfleet vessel…Intrepid Class entering the other side of the wormhole…

Picard: *stands up suddenly* Fire torpedoes, Mr. Worf!

Worf: Gladly

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Picard: "I'm afraid Ardra has been trying to scam you, Jared. This document doesn't grant her ownership of the planet. It just entitles her to buy-one-get-one-free at the snack bar."

 

[Gepard]

RIKER: Starfleet?

LA FORGE: Not quite, sir. Extremely accurate homemade copies.

RIKER: Great. An entire planet of fanboys.

"...and this is where the Borg keep the continuity errors."

"Swirly-thing alert."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Analysis, Mr. Data."

Data: "Sir, I believe we are watching video of the Traveller's colonoscopy."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Shelby: "This is the only refrigeration device on this ship. If the beer's not in here, we're screwed."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: A dual cassette deck. This technology is far beyond our own.

 

[Armored Saint]

SPINER: Gates said earlier the greenscreen will be replaced by a picture of Maurice Hurley in space.

PICARD (os): Analysis mister Data.
DATA: Fascinating, judging by the large amount methane, we may be just saw a galactic fart.

WORF (os): Anus references are without honor.

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[shivkala]

Data: I believe, Lt., you should be the one to go.

Geordi: Me? Why me?

Data: My memory banks indicate that there are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex.

Geordi: But, I, uh, well, aw crap, you got me there...

Riker: Okay, it's possible that she's still here. Let's split up and investigate.

Geordi: Split up? Are you kidding me? Haven't you seen horror movies? I'll be the first one to die.

Riker: Don't be ridiculous, Mr. LaForge. Okay, if you die, I owe you a drink in Ten Forward.

Geordi: Okay, I accept your offer...hey wait!

Riker: *Running off* Too late!

Adara: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!

Picard: Ooh, that's bad.

Adara: But it comes with a free frogurt!


Picard:That's good.


Adara: The frogurt is also cursed.


Picard: That's bad.


Adara: But you get your choice of toppings.


Picard: That's good!


Adara: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.



Adara:...That's bad.


Picard: Can I go now?

Picard emerges, part-human, part-Borg, part-fly

Picard: We were not pure. The assimilator insists on inner purity; We were not pure. A fly...got into the assimilator pod with us that first time when we were abducted. The computer got...confused, there weren't supposed to be two separate genetic patterns, and it decided to, erm...splice us together. It mated us, human, Borg, and the fly. We hadn't even been properly introduced. Our assimilator turned into a gene-splicer. And a very good one. Now we're not Jean-Luc Picard anymore. I'm the offspring of...Picard, Borg, and housefly.

Data: Did you really think you could destroy this ship? She's defied space and time. She has been to a place you could not possibly imagine. And now, it is time to go back.

Picard: I know. To Hell.

Data:You know nothing. Hell is only a word. The reality is much, much worse.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Triskelion]

TFTKBLLH!

LaForge: Captain, we have located the remote control to the bridge main viewer. It was in the secondary control conduit in the recessed wall of the deck fifteen janitorial supply junction - under a pile of old Betazoid handbags.
Picard: Troi! You - you -
Data: I believe the term you're looking for is 'Rassafracking remote control rowrbazzle,' sir.

Riker: Well it can't be yours, LaForge. There's no bum flap.
Geordi: What the - how long have our uniforms had these??
Data: Our uniforms have never had them.

Picard: Sorry, Jared, there's nothing we can do. The contract is two-ply. If it had been one-ply, there might have been a chance of finding some hole in it.
Ardra: One-ply is a false economy.
Jared: Hoisted on my own petard.
Picard: It's pronounced Pi-CARD.

Data: Let's see, we got nanoprobes, purple stuff, Sunny D! Alright!
Worf: Mmm, Sunny D!
Shelby: I'll take the nanoprobes, please.

Data: That reminds me. It's time for Spot's bi-monthly home-colonoscopy.
Helm Officer: Any word on my transfer request yet, Captain?

 

[Armored Saint]

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spiner: "I'm not convinced doing a remake of Fantastic Voyage is a good idea."
Pamela Winslow (portraying Ensign McKnight): "Well, it's not an exact remake. I don't think they entered the body via this orifice."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Stop breathing down my neck.

LAFORGE: I'm in front of you!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Where is that music coming from?

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: You said we could bake cookies.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Geordi: "Hello?! Data's Dignity? Are you down there?"

Data: "Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?"

Geordi: "Not really, no. You know, you could always remove the emotion chip."

Data: "I lost the user manual."

Worf: "Well boys, looks like we got ourselves a Truxican standoff."

Picard: "Does it do anything?"

Jared: "Of course not, it's an Elder Scroll. You probably don't even need it for the main quest."

Shelby: "Would one of you stop staring at the ovens and help a customer? This grocery store deli won't run itself!"

Data: "Commander, it appears to be a lightning storm in space."

Riker: "Looks more like a hole to me."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WESLEY: I really have to scrub the torpedo tube by hand? Doesn't this ship clean automatically?
GEORDI: Not the torpedo tube. Now make sure the entire tube is nice and shiny. (Data, now!)

RIKER: Wait. These aren't the away team's clothes. They look like civilian clothes. Worn by a teenager.
GEORDI: Damn it. Wesley hacked into the transporter system again. WES! I'm giving you and Lt Sauris's daughter two minutes to get dressed and get out here!

PICARD: (Thinking) We've already gathered the evidence to prove she's not Ardra, but if we string her along a little longer maybe I can get some first.
PICARD: Let's go over this scroll, word by word, so you can PROVE that you actually are Ardra!

DATA: It looks like a Borg baby.
SHELBY: We're not on a Borg cube. We're in the Enterprise's Day Care Center.
BEVERLY: This is how 24th century infants get their nutrients.
DATA: Wesley suddenly makes sense.

ENSIGN: So we're just going to ignore that the Captain committed murder when he vaporized his other self when he could have equally stopped him with a phaser on stun?
DATA: We have learned not to ask those kinds of questions.