TNG Caption This! #382: Strategies for the Future

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New Contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Thwarted Again" Award, going to:

LAFORGE: So much for "In before the lock!"

Next, we have the "Dangerous Weaponry" Award, going to:

WORF: It's worse than we thought, Commander! The enemy is armed with styrofoam rocks!

Next, we have the "Complete Lack of Excellence in Childcare" Award, going to:

Engineer: Er, is Alexander supposed to be in the warp core?

Next, we have the "Whoops!" Award, going to:

Tasha: ...I said that out loud, didn't I?

Next, we have the "Ah, the 67th Amendment" Award, going to:

``I invoke my constitutional right to not answer questions without the presence of my ventriloquy figure.''

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Worf: Lt. Worf's personal log: I have answered that age old rhetorical question, "Where will you be when diahrrea strikes?" This is a most dishonorable situation. I must now kill my enemy and bathe in his blood to cover this up or risk bringing shame on the house of Mogh.

Worf: Well? Is it a good day to die or not?
Witness: It depends on -
Worf: Yes or no?
Witness: That's just a figure -
Worf: YES or NO?!
Witness: ...................Yes, ok?? YES!
Worf: The defense rests.
Judge: Ok, the real attorneys have arrived, let's get started.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Welcome aboard Ambassador Julietta. (Quietly,to Riker) Dibs.

Riker: (Quietly to self) Crap!

Data: I am now in command. I will be in my Ready Room. Mister Crusher, you have the Bridge.

Worf: Wait, WHAT?!

Picard: Picard to Enterprise. Ready to beam up.

Commbadge: If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, tap the commbadge twice to activate the operator.

Picard: What do you say, we pawn the kid off on Data and make a trip to Risa?

Crusher: Aye, Aye, Captain!

Ro: The router is reset.

La Forge: Still not internet, what's going on here.

Picard: (over comm) Mister La Forge, I still can't update my Spacebook status...

La Forge: We're on it, Sir! Computer, open a subspace channel to Romulan Space, Planet Comcast 4.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Unbeknownst to Picard, by sticking out his hand and smiling, he had declared war on the visiting ambassador's planet.

DATA: This is MY seat. (Lifts Wesley up and throws him across the room)

PICARD: The Prime Directive explicitly states we only have to respect other planets' laws when they don't seem silly to us!

BEVERLY: If I'd known all it took was to get you drunk, I'd have started liquoring you up a week after Jack died.

RO: What is it with you people and glowing wisps that possess people anyway?
GEORDI: I really hope that's not actually what humans end up evolving into.
RO: You should go to Bajor. Our energy aliens give you cool dream visions.

 

[T'Girl]

Wesley: "Commander Data, sensor reading indicate that Worf is fondling his man-boobs ... again."

Picard: "... you only have one shot left, and if you do kill me, my crew will simultaneously pull their phasers and ..."

 

[Nebusj]

Next, we have the "Ah, the 67th Amendment" Award, going to:

Thank you!

Picard: ``Welcome to the Enterprise! Please, enjoy a weak and strangely clammy handshake that makes you uncomfortable and thinking for hours of a good hot shower, the kind that sears your outermost flesh off.''
Riker: ``I'm here too!''

Data: ``Curious. I do not feel a greater sense of dramatic urgency caused by the act of holding on to your seats. Nor is this ride more appreciably bumpy than others at similar velocities.''

Picard: ``I ... I closed my eyes, and I was in Denmark, I was Claudius and trying to escape Hamlet's investigations. Then I opened them and I was living in Brooklyn and explaining to hipsters on Twitter about whether I've had pizza before. I blinked again, and I was ... running some school for superheroes? And then I felt a little dizzy and I was ... here. Again.''

Picard: ``Beverly ... ''
Crusher: ``Yes, Jean-Luc?''
Picard: ``I'm not sure how to tell you this ... ''
Crusher: ``I think at this point in our relationship you can tell me anything.''
Picard: ``It's kind of delicate.''
Crusher: ``I can take it.''
Picard: ``You forgot your binoculars.''

Ro: ``The subroutine reports that it's Data's long-lost cousin Merv.''

 

[Nerys Myk]

RO: You're right La Forge. This is the only spot on the ship with good wi-fi reception.

PICARD: I am the lord your God. Send me your riches and women!

EVERYONE: What!!!????

PICARD: Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise. Damn glad to meet you.

RIKER: That was Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise. He was damn glad to meet you.

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "I'm sorry Beverly, but I saw Jack in the showers once, and no it wasn't."

.

 

[Armored Saint]

TFTW

RO: Do you know where we are?
GEORDI: Yes, this is the fourth intersect in Jefferies tube twenty five.
RO: No, this is the best spot on the ship to reinduce the tricholarion flux into the tachyon submatrix.

 

[Hutchy01]

Picard (Thought): I'm a serious Shakespearean actor and I'm greeting the ambassador of the Fucking worm-people

Worf: He's only in command because he's a positronic pimp

Riker: You can smell the captain's frying brain!

Crusher: You have Spacedock-clearance.

La Forge: Ensign we're the only people alive on the ship so for the good of the federation ...

 

[Avro Arrow]

Picard (Thought): I'm a serious Shakespearean actor and I'm greeting the ambassador of the Fucking worm-people

Riker (thinking): What's the captain doing? The worm-people don't have hands!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Greetings Ambassador. I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard and this is Commander William Riker. He'll take your belongings to your quarters for you.

Riker: Sir, that implies I'm nothing but a glorified porter!

Piker: Chin up, Number One, I'm sure there'll be lots of away missions for you to lead and orders I give for you to repeat. You know, typical first officer stuff, on the next mission.

Worf: Data, is your replicator running?

Data: Yes, Lt. Commander, it is.

Worf: Then you'd better go catch it!

Data: Ensign Crusher, full speed ahead, we must not let that replicator get away from us!

Picard: Hey, this isn't Risa!

Riker: These lame jokes are why you don't get to go on away missions, sir!

Picard: Hold on, just a minute, ah, yes, Drunk Goggles! Commence your sexy come-ons, Doctor.

Ro: Okay, Commander, I've adjusted the internal force fields to create a phase shield on the floor of each deck to prevent immaterial beings from falling through the decks.

Geordi: Excellent, a few more plot holes to patch up and we'll be ready to go!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Orphalesion]

Picard: And if you join the Federation in the next 15 minutes we will throw in a free gift of one (1) Westley Crusher.

Riker (whispering): If we just keep smiling, they might fall for it.

Worf:....Data never touches me like that anymore....

Picard:......wasn't me.

Beverly: And his dong was thiiiiis big!

Geordy:....but the important part to keep in mind when reconfiguring the neutron senapses...

Ro (singingin her head):...just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Crusher: "Care to come to my quarters for a little close-order drill, Captain?"
Picard: "Computer, identify: 'close-order drill.'"
Computer: "Close-order drill. Practice in formation marching and other movements, in the carrying of arms during formal marching, and in the formal handling of arms for ceremonies and guard. But that's not what she means, fool!"

LaForge: "So, we're just going to spend the night playing video games?"
Ro: "You said you wanted to get together and do that thing I 'love to do the most,' didn't you?"
LaForge: "Yeah, but I thought...from all those rumors floating around about you..."
Ro: "Oh, those rumors! They are a hoot, aren't they? Ooo! New level!"

 

[f14peter]

WORK (THINKING): "Allowing that annoying, know-it-all sh%tbird Wesley at the helm!?!?! The same station I so admirably manned many times in the first season!?!?! The writer of this episode is without honor!"

PICARD: "Beverly! Are you drunk?"
BEVERLY: "Yesssssssssirrreeeee"
PICARD: "I don't think that's appropriate behavior for the ship's surgeon, or a mother!"
BEVERLY: "How'd you like to be known as Jean-Lucky Picard?"

 

[Avro Arrow]

Picard: Walker, thank you for coming to tell me about Corey's death in person. That leaves just you and I left in our tontine. Safe travels, and good luck to you and the Horatio on your next assignment.

Riker: Sir, Lieutenant Yar reports the antimatter charges have been successfully placed...

Picard: Not now, Number One!

Data (to person on the viewscreen): No, there is no need to worry about the Klingon. He is here mainly to recommend violent courses of action that would lead to less than ideal outcomes, which the captain can safely ignore while still maintaining the illusion that he values his crew's input.

Picard: ♫ But uh-oh, those summer nights! ♫

All: ♫ Tell me more, tell me more... ♫

Ro: So how long do we have to hide up here, anyway?

LaForge: Until Worf forgets it was us who hid those tribbles in his bed!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: What's your engineering background again?

RO: Once, on a cross country train trip I got to ride up front and wear a cap.

GEORDI: So, more than me. Proceed.

 

[f14peter]

PICARD (Whispering to Riker): "pay attention Number One, I'm going to show you a good way to diffuse a tense diplomatic situation, and it's rather amusing too"
PICARD (Outloud): "Greetings, you must be the Nausicaan Ambassador. It's a human custom when greeting someone for you to pull my finger ..."
RIKER (Thinking): this will be amusing, I've never seen a starship captain have his arm ripped off and shoved down his throat.

 

[Nebusj]

Worf: ``Chair? No, why would I want a chair? Data, that's different. Data apparently needs three chairs, and doesn't even use them, but me? A chair? Whyever would someone think I might want a chair? Why, if I took a chair that might keep Commander Data from having his precious three chairs right in front of me where I can't not see them not even being used by anybody. Rassafracking chair rowrbazzle.''

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: Hello....my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "By the way, Worf, I heard about your little 'innovation' yesterday."
Worf: "Yeah?"
Data: "Running a remote cable from your station so you could sit down here next to the captain? The captain did not go for it, did he."
Worf (sighs dejectedly): "No. No, he did not."
Wesley (under breath): "Heh!"