TNG Caption This! 334: Everlasting

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Lets start a caption contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Even Samuel T. Cogley can't win this one..." Award, going to:

Picard: That's it! Somebody court-martial the pyrotechnics officer!

Next, we have the "Fashionable Android" Award, going to:

DATA: The difference between you and me, Picard, is that I make this uniform look good.

Next, we have the "You see, Commander, when an Android and a Computer really like each other..." Award, going to:

DATA: No, I did not build Lal Commander. You see, me and the Enterprise computer...

Next, we have the "You see, that's what a Level TWO diagnostic is" Award, going to:

``Should we tell LaForge that a level-one diagnostic inspection sweep does not mean he has to count all the ceiling lights by himself?''

Next, we have the "Warning: Life Support Failure in One Minute" Award, going to:

Data: "Well, obviously had I known it was vital to the operation of the life support systems, I would have called you down to Engineering to look at it rather than tearing it loose and bringing it up here."

Our Photoshop award goes to:

Worf: "Captain, we're continuing to have difficulties with the turbo lift system's doors."

Worf: Security Officer's Log: I should probably do something about this, but I'm still pissed about the Captain putting his ass all over my console last week.

Data: I asked Counselor Troi about it and she told me to ask you, Geordi, since you were the ship's expert on blue balls.

Worf: Dayammmmn!

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone for participating!

As for the little riddle of sorts I presented last week, the answer has not yet been found. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, Most of the Thread titles over the past couple of months have come from a single source. (excluding the Redshirts appreciation and Spooky threads) What is that source?

Find the connection between these two videos and you will find the answer.

Star Trek (2009) Trailer


Mass Effect 3 Launch Trailer


Enjoy the riddle!

And now, new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

When Kurn arrived at the table, he was planning to tell the crew lots of embarrassing stories from Worf's youth, then he realized Worf had better stories about him.

Beverly: Really, Wesley. Jean-Luc is not your father.

Wesley: Whew! That's a relief!

Rishon Uxbridge: Well, what do you think, Mister Worf?

Worf: (thinking) Crappy tea, ugly house.

Worf: (speaking) Good tea, nice house.

O'Brien: I'm sorry, I can't wingman for ya anymore. I got engaged. Geordi said he'd do it.

Riker: I am so screwed.

Data: Your bill, Commander.

Riker: Why am I getting billed for a meal I served in my own quarters?

Data: We ate the food without complaint.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KURN: I'm to sit between the blindman and the empath? Truly your seating chart is without honor!

O'BRIEN: Irish Coffee, sir? Stereotype much?

Worf's childhood etiquette lessons with Madame Petranova finally paid off.

DR. CRUSHER: Dammit Wes, stop hacking into the holoporn files!

 

[Finn]

Beverly: Give it up, Wes. Sorry to break it to you, but you'll never look like Commander Riker when you are forty.

Wesley: Oh, Mom! You don't know what you are talking about!

I don't always drink. But when I do, it's prune juice- a warrior drink

O'Brien: Really? You want me to put a cam on Molly when she walks into the women's shower?

 

[shivkala]

Kurn: "Thanksgiving," Worf? We Klingons do not give "thanks," we demand thanks be given to us! But, it is obvious you put a lot of effort into this dinner and I am famished, plus I wanted to watch the game, but I cancelled my cable, so, what the Sto'Vo'Kor, you know?

Beverly: Damn it, Wesley, when I asked how your date with Lt. Lefler went, I didn't expect you to explain so graphically!

Despite his efforts to embrace Klingon culture, fully, Worf still could not resist drinking his tea with his pinky extended.

Riker's Personal Log: I made an effort to reach out to our transporter chief in the hopes of mentoring a young officer through the ranks. Mistake #1: He's a non-com. Mistake #2: Given the chance, he'll talk your ear off about Irish culture. Mistake #3: The woman I was trying to impress by appearing to be a wise mentor seems to be staring at O'Brien and not me. Damn botnists!

Riker: Careful with that, Doctor, I've been saving my urine in there for over 20 years!

 

[Holdfast]

KURN: What is this... thing?
WORF: The Whoopee Cushion is a human initiation rite. Best to just sit down and get it over with.

WESLEY (thinking): I know she's my mother, but...

MICHAEL DORN (thinking): The tea leaves say I'll be wearing this latex for years to come... I really hate tea.

O'BRIEN: She let you do what with the phaser?

PULASKI: Good news! I raided the medical storage fridge, and found a sample from each of us. Blended together, this is a symbol of our newfound friendship; let us each drink from it!
RIKER: No, Data, I think I'll need the big carving knife instead. And turn off your ethical subroutines for a minute.

 

[bbjeg]

Narrator: ...It looks timid, even when a Klingon did it.

O'brien: I'm telling you, this transfer is in the middle of nowhere. It'll be safe.

Riker: We need to make his transition to this time comfortable. He's African American from the 1980's.
Data: The blunt has been rolled to proper specifications.
Pulaski: Vintage Colt 45 located.
Worf: Is the fried chicken satisfactory?
Riker: It's excellent Worf.
Geordi: This is so wrong.

 

[Finn]

...two years earlier

"Captain's Log. DeSoto here. I have to think of a way to get Blue Eyes off the ship. I can't stand his cooking. I think that French schmuck is looking for a new first officer. Perhaps, I'll find a way to put in a report on Riker that would grab Picard's attention.

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Did you see that "Fair Haven" holo program? It's bloody offensive! At least there were no leprechauns.

RIKER: Why? Afraid you'll steal their Lucky Charms?

O'BRIEN: I hate you.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KURN: Seriously? You're putting up with this crap just because I'm from a different culture? Wow. Humans have either a really low opinion of themselves, or a really high opinion of themselves.

Wesley learned just enough from the traveler to telekinetically stimulate himself.

WORF: Wow, human tea is delicious. Now I just have to find a way to drink it and make everyone think it's blood wine.

RIKER: I really don't think you should have walked over that cursed burial site. The natives said you'd have bad luck.
O'BRIEN: Psht, you believe that superstition? I've been lucky my whole life, and that's not going to stop now.
RIKER: By the way, what would you think about a deep space assignment?

DIANE MULDAUR: Goodbye, I wish you all great success in your future. And in honor of how WELCOME you all made me feel on the set this season, I've prepared this gift to reflect all my WONDERFUL feelings toward all of you. I hope you enjoy it, because it took me all day to make.

 

[Triskelion]

Kurn: You cook goose for official holiday? In Klingon empire -
Worf: Yakov Smirnoff bits are without honor!

Bev: Turn your head and cough.

This tea will be perfect for my next Downton Abbey party.

O'Brien: You look a little down, sir. How about a refrain of "The Warrior Bard" to lighten your mood?

Riker: Oh geez, again with that song.

Pulaski: Now don't you boys get any ideas about getting me drunk and having your way with me.

Riker, Worf, Data, Geordi: Don't look up don't look up don't look up don't look up don't look up.....

 

[Mojochi]

Troi: Yes, I see the family resemblance

Wheaton: That's just silly. Who would dislike my character?

(Thinking) 7... nope 8. Yes, 8 ways I could kill someone with this

O'Brien: Betazoids can tell when you're thinking about other women during sex, can't they?

Pulaski: If he's as good at cooking as he is at his other hobbies, like trombone, we'll need this antacid

 

[Nebusj]

Next, we have the "You see, that's what a Level TWO diagnostic is" Award, going to:

Hooray! Thank you kindly.

Ernie Anderson: On the next thrilling dinner of Old Country Buffet: The Next Generation!

Oh, come on, we all know the winning caption is just going to be ``original picture''.

``These aren't leaves. They're Spot's cremains.''

``I was happy to support you with the trombone thing, sir, but I just can't back you up with this creepy ventriloquy dummy officer back there.''
``I admire your honesty, but just for that, Walter's your new duty officer.''
``Oh, man.''

Pulaski: ``And I've invited you all here to enjoy our successful giving up on assembling this Ikea surround-sound audio system.''

 

[Nerys Myk]

KURN: A tribble on my chair? I suppose you think that's funny?

TROI: When we did it to Worf, he ran out screaming like a little girl.

 

[Armored Saint]

KURN: Are you all watching my crotch, including my own brother?

WORF: The sludge at the bottom of Turkish raktajino is without honnor!

WESLEY: Come on Mom, you're twenty years too late, nobody will see my acne on a shitty recorded VHS.

PULASKI: Mission accomplished guys, here is Wesley's mojo.
DATA: As you can see on screen, he should still be this skinny teen at forty.
LA FORGE: I just hope he'll be less annoying.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Commander, in commemoration of the previous meal you prepared, here is the stone I passed.

 

[T'Girl]

KURN: Are you all watching my crotch, including my own brother?

LaForge: "In our culture, it polite to "zip up" at the dinner table."
Troi: "Mop mess uh merrily."
Crusher: "I believe Deanna meant 'not necessarily.'
Riker: "And Counselor, it is also impolite to speak with your mouth full."

Pulaski: "I've brought Theragen derivative."
Worf: "That is a Klingon nerve agent."
Data: "And quite deadly Doctor.
Pulaki: "Don't worry, diluted into this bottle of Maddog 20/20 it merely deadens nerve impulse from the tongue, throat and stomach, making it possible to eat Commander Riker's cooking.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

:eats entire chocolate cup in one bite:

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Unlucky in marriage? That tea leaf reader is a charlatan.

 

[Mistral]

As the meal was served, Worf realized he'd grown accustomed to the enslavement of the Klingon race.