TNG Caption This! 333: Am I Not Human?

[Nebusj]

And no one suspected Data had been reading steamy Tron slashfic on-duty until he reached the climax and …

Data: Guess who was just within the interior confines of a most special piece of hardware?
Picard: It's the turbolift, Data, and everybody's been inside it.
Data: Hey, you are talking trash about my sweet chick.

Data: According to my study of ethical decision-making in humans, Commander, at this moment you should be receiving advice from a tiny shoulder-bound angel and a similar devil, instead of one empty shoulder and one with Lieutenant Worf.

``Should we tell LaForge that a level-one diagnostic inspection sweep does not mean he has to count all the ceiling lights by himself?''

``And as you both can see, some one set us up the bomb.''

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Finn: All right, that's it. No one leaves this bridge until I find out who put white paint in my hair!

 

[CaptainBearclaw]

PICARD:Why do I suddenly smell burning plastic?
TROI:Don't turn around...

 

[Finn]

Lead Actor's Log: This has been the most forgettable episode. By the week's end, I'll be on a plane back to London. By the time I'm doing Shakespeare back home, nobody will remember anything about this episode.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Yo, chrome dome and turtle head. Who wants to fight? Or are ya'll chicken? 'Fraid the appliance will kick your asses?

PICARD:Damn, he's one annoying drunk.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Redshirt: Oh I'm so dead.
Data: I calculate the odds of your survival to be -14.25%
Redshirt: Negative?
Data: According to my calculations you should've died a few moments ago.

Lore: My brother isn't the only one who's fully functional....

Data: May I see it, sir?
Riker: See it?
Data: I wish to compare it to mine, to see how authentic looking it is.
Picard: Make it so.

Wesley: There's no pleasing him, Data. He's loud, obnoxious, nothing I do pleases, him and frankly I can't stare at his head without getting distracted.
Data: Ensign...
Wesley: Captain... we were just talking about Commander Riker.

Geordi: I can have sex with this, with just a few modifications.
Data: Which of these ports did you intend inserting it into?

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Wesley. "Data have you located Sheldon Cooper yet?"

DATA: "No, Wesley, may I ask what did he do?"

Wesley. "Watch the view screen.."

(All watch and cringe.)

PICARD: "Mr. Data. do as Wesley asks and beam this Sheldon Cooper to Holo deck 3, we're going to arrange a surprise for him"

 

[Avro Arrow]

Even with a computational speed of 60 trillion operations per second and a maximum storage capacity of 800 quadrillion bits, Data was always forgetting to take the metal spoon out of the bowl before microwaving his lunch.

 

[Supernuke]

Picard: That's it! Somebody court-martial the pyrotechnics officer!

 

[T'Girl]

Worf: "Captain, we're continuing to have difficulties with the turbo lift system's doors."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Relax, both of you. It's just Ensign Nobodee the non corporeal life form.

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "There's a alien intruder on the bridge ... suggestions."

Deana: "How about I turn sideways and stick my ass out?"

Picard: "Make it so."

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Worf: WHY AM I NEVER INVITED TO HUDDLES?

LaForge: I brought this as my date.
Worf: A piece of machinery does not count!
LaForge: Says the guy who brought Data!

 

[Triskelion]

Finn: ENOUGH MILEY!
Troi: But that was my jam!

Worf: Why did they put Starfleet in San Francisco?
Picard: Ask Data when he gets back from the Starfleet Command cultural exchange conference.
Data: Because it's FAAAABULOUUUUUS!

Riker: Worf is a what? A tickhead? Stop mouthing the words, I can't understand you.

Wesley: Sir, we've localized the remaining infestation of nanites. In your pants.
Data: Oh thank God. I thought they were another gift from Tasha.
Picard: - Another?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GENETIC SOLDIER GUY: I keep shooting this panel and it keeps exploding! Why isn't there any actual damage?!

PICARD: Worf, I think I made a mistake casting Data as Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream. ...He's right behind me isn't he?

DATA: No, I did not build Lal Commander. You see, me and the Enterprise computer...

WESLEY: Wait, wait. Data, you just used a contraction.
DATA: Yes, that's correct. It's a fairly simple grammatical construct.
WESLEY: I realized Lore was really Lore and not you because he used a contraction.
DATA: To use a human phrase, young Wesley, you were blowing gaseous carbon into a posterior, and just got lucky.

GEORDI: Data, I know you mean well, and you were right about the Exocomps but I really doubt this ball with wires coming out of it is alive.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: I asked Counselor Troi about it and she told me to ask you, Geordi, since you were the ship's expert on blue balls.

Worf: Dayammmmn!

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest!