TNG Caption This! 328: Champions!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I'm in such a great mood after the Oakland A's won the American League West today that I've got some particularly good news for everyone!

What's that news? Everyone is a winner! GO EVERYONE!

That being said, there's the temptation to declare everyone a winner and sort of "Phone it in" which I refuse to do here, so I came up with some honorable mentions and shout outs.

First up to the plate, "The Shout Out of the Shape of things to come" goes to:

Crusher: A stable wormhole?
Picard: It leads to the Gamma Quadrant. Just think of the exploration the Federation could do there.
Crusher: What if there's a vast xenophobic interplanetary empire behind it that wants to invade?
Picard: War? What a primitive concept. That will never happen.

Next, we have the "Sucks to be them" Shout out, going to:

LaForge: "Shouldn't you be participating in the Krisallian negotiations?"
Troi: "The captain dismissed me. Apparently, cleavage has no power in their society."

Batting in the third position, the shout out for "Interspecies Mating" goes to:

Riker: So, Captain, how did your date with the Duras sisters go?

Batting cleanup, we have the shout out for "Kirk's Investigative Methods" going to:

Picard: "OK, I want to know-Who threw the first punch?"

Next, we have the "Pausing the story" Shout out, going to:

Data: Captain? Are you going to finish the story of Beverly, the one synthol wine cooler, and the, as you said, "Night of unending passion," you shared? Captain? Geordi, he's apparently gone catatonic!

Lets salute Photoshopping!

RIKER: Computer, play "Love In An Elevator". Authorization: Riker 0025942.

"Captain's Log supplemental: Five hours standing around like a bunch of idiots in Ten Forward waiting for the Barzan Wormhole to make its spectacular appearance, before realising it was on the other side of the ship. Fortunately, by then we were all so drunk that no one cared."

Picard: Why yes, I have slept with one of these women. And that's all I'm willing to confirm.

Congratulations to everyone! Thank you all for your entries!

Now, we continue!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Captain, Look!

Riker: The Kansas City Royals just hit a walk off Grand Slam!

Yar: The Texas Rangers Lose!

Worf: The Oakland A's have won the American League West!

Picard: For crying out loud LeadHead. Would you give it a rest?

Captain's Log: Commander Riker is not to plan my birthday party next year.

Worf: K'Ehleyr, wait. Come back! I thought you'd think this barren, smelly cave would be romantic!

Worf: It is clear that we need to mutiny against Captain Pi-

Riker: Shut up, Worf. Captain, so good to see you!

Picard: You have one chance to get off my bridge through a door instead of an airlock. Move it.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: What is Commander Data doing?
Yar: He's jumped out of the forward airlock at the Romulan vessel.
Riker: He said he was going sabotage it's power core and destroy it.
Picard: Won't he die?
Riker: Probably.
Worf: How honorable, I wish I had thought of that.

Picard: What the hell is going on here Number One?
Riker: It's my Bachelor Party.
Picard: You're getting married?
Riker: No, it's my "It's good to be a Bachelor" party.

Worf: They're on the other side of this slab? I hate doors... they are without honor.

Riker: (whispering)Data, you'll take Worf. Geordi and I will go for the target, the women won't stop us.

Worf: Why do I always get stuck with the rejects when we play Capture the Flag?

Wesley: Sir? What are you doing?
Picard: Hmm, oh! Wrong finger.

 

[Triskelion]

Sheridan: Greetings Federation Vessel. I'm Commander Sheridan of Babylon 5™.

Picard: Notify Starfleet, Will! We gotta get one of these!

Sheridan: Great, just remember to give credit where its due.

Picard: Tell me more about this Straczynski fellow. Starfleet will wish to know his every move before he makes it.

Riker: That's hardly sporting, sir?

Picard: What choice do we have?? The Federation Charter permits only one premise per week in the whole galaxy!

Tasha: Look at his first officer! Hello Major Ivanaboneher!

Worf: Handsome woman.

Picard: I know what you're all thinking, and yes, the floor boards do match the drapes.

Worf to Enterprise. Tell Doctor Crusher I have located pieces of an appropriate size for her tribute to Spinal Tap.

Data: Negative Worf, I will build the set from the specifications she wrote on this napkin.

Crusher: Was it really necessary for all of us to convene to find a way to tell Riker to stop catching pieces of corn dog in his beard?

Worf: Bah, on Qonos he would be dragged through the streets by his gagh catcher.

Now remember Wesley, before getting on any turbolift look around to see if any hot chicks are getting ready to leave. Then you can time your departure.

Is that when you pause the lift to have a sincere conversation with them?

What? Oh yes. Conversation. For the security camera.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Picard: Why is it the merde always hits the fan when half the crew are on their coffee break? Numbah One, don't just stand there, do something useful!

Picard hated the Planet of the Perms.

Worf: I'm so ronry, so rorny, so ronry and sadry arone...

Picard: Watch it boy, I have a phaser in my finger and I'm not afraid to use it.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Picard: What the hell is going on here Number One?
Riker: It's my Bachelor Party.
Picard: You're getting married?
Riker: No, it's my "It's good to be a Bachelor" party.

Picard: Numbah One, you realise there are men here too?
Riker: Well Jack Harkness does it and he's a Captain, maybe that's what I'm missing.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: Captain, Look!

Riker: The Kansas City Royals just hit a walk off Grand Slam!

Yar: The Texas Rangers Lose!

Worf: The Oakland A's have won the American League West!

Picard: For crying out loud LeadHead. Would you give it a rest?

Mr. Laser Beam: I could stand to hear a little more...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTSO, LeadHead!

Picard: "Number One, have Mr. Data conduct a detailed review of the Prime Directive. I want to know to the letter everything I can legally do down here."

 

[bbjeg]

Picard: Is that Data on the hull?
Worf: You did tell him to "Get out of here"
Picard: Note to self, don't tell Data idioms.

As Worf saw the Dragon he knew all of his preparations have been for this moment. He was sure to take his time and enjoy every second of this...

Worf: I jumped off a cliff to land on the Dragons back and Riker phasered and incinerated it causing me to fall.
Riker: How was I to know Worf had it or not?
Worf: I don't scream 'Today is a good day to die' for my health you know.

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: "OK, Number One, I'll take these three and you can send him to my friend, Gandalf."

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD (thinking): All these hot chicks, and it's the guy that makes eye contact...

RIKER: OK, it's 4th and 10, and we're out of time. Hail Mary.

PICARD: 1 hour. My ready room. Don't tell anyone, or it's the airlock.

(too dark? )

 

[inflatabledalek]

Huzzah ftw Leadhead!

picard: Damn it, we've got to put a bell or something on the new Ensign from the Invisian species, you can never tell when he's snuck off for a fag break.

Stewart: Ah, sorry Gene, I didn't realise you were "Casting", I'll come back later.

Worf: Building your ancient neolithic monuments out of polystyrene has no honour!

Geordi: ...And then maybe we could braid each others hair.

Riker: Look, the conference room was double booked, I think the meeting you want is over there. And the Women's Power Hour is less about ponies and hair braiding and more about celebrating the joys of the menstrual cycle.

Worf: Wait... no ponies?

Picard: See this finger? That's why your mother is walking funny this morning.

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: Today was one of these rare days where I wished Beverly and Vash came down and dressed like the locals.

First Officer's Log: I wonder if I'll get Deanna back if I dressed like them.

 

[shivkala]

TFTHMAOSO (Thanks for the honorable mention and/or shout out!), Leadhead!

Picard: Wait, I, almost, damn it, lost it.

Riker: You've got to cross your eyes and then slowly uncross them.

Worf: These Magic Eye optical illusions have no honor! Oh, wait, this one says, "Honor," I take that back!

Captain's Personal Log: I convinced Commander Riker that I had to beam down, but he insisted on following me. I can only hope he won't "Little-Picard" block me.

Commander's Personal Log: So far, so good...

Worf: Worf to Enterprise, Captain I believe I have learned my lesson. How much longer must I stare at the wall?

Riker: Damn it, when I said we should break into two groups of three, this is not how I envisioned the split.

Picard: And that's how I defeated the Naussicans with one finger. Want me to prove it? No? Then get the Hell off of my bridge!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: What are they talking about?

DATA: Mostly which shampoo and conditioner is the best.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: Is that...entity porn?
PICARD: Q!!!
Q: Oops, sorry. Got you mixed up with Kathy.

PICARD: Mine.
RIKER: Hey!

ANNOUNCER 1: Worf only has one more obstacle to clear before advancing to the finals at Klingon Ninja Warrior!
ANNOUNCER 2: Of course, if he fails the obstacle, he will plummet into the fire pit and die in disgrace.
ANNOUNCER 1: Now the key to this obstacle is keeping your arms at ninety degrees.

WORF: I think we should re-draw our basketball teams.

PICARD: Take out the trash.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Jean Luc isn't here, Mr. Crusher.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Concerning your relationship with Ensign Lefler, Wesley, I just want to caution you that shipboard romances very rarely go well."
Wesley: "What about you and my mother?"
Picard: "Example number 1!"

 

[Triskelion]

Captain, was that you outside our quarters last night in an overcoat and holding up a boom box playing Weird Al Yankovic's White and Nerdy?

You...must be mistaken. I'm not fluent in Javascript as well as Klingon, I mean I've never heard of that genius recording artist.

Crusher: I resent being invited to the Facial Hair Club for Officers.

Troi: I'm not just a member, I'm also the president!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: I had no idea Data even knew what twerking was!