TNG Caption This! 322: What's Happening to Me

[Triskelion]

Riker: Deanna says our phasers are just surrogate penises.

Picard: What's that Number One? I wasn't listening, my power cell has gone dead.

Crush: This will relieve the pressure from bun tension.
Yar: Got anything for blonde syndrome?
Crush: For blondes, certainly.

Wesley: Sirs, I'd really rather not judge who has the smallest bulge, and I resent being summoned as the "resident expert."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Wheaton: "Jeez, look at you preening jackasses strutting around trying to show off your packages! At least, Marina has a little modesty!"
Sirtis: "Not really. I'm sitting like this because I got a 'cameltoe' memo from Paramount's Standards and Practices Department."

 

[Isis]

TFT "quasi-win," LeadHead. And sorry for my absence...a lot of things converged. Hopefully, it won't happen again for a while.

Picard: "Phasers on stun. Poses on jackhammer."

Crusher: "Good work, Deanna. Although I had some trouble finding it, be assured that leaving the empty spot really makes my life easier."

Picard pondering the age-old question of which Darren Stevens was better.

Crusher would imitate Kirk's "activating the PA system" move so often that the other crew members were starting to run pools.

Riker: "Call your mother, you twit. Can't you tell we're stuck?"

 

[BriGuy]

The bridge crew was dangerously close to becoming overdue for their booster of whatever the heck it is they take that makes them all get along so that any sense of drama or conflict has to come from an external source...

 

[BriGuy]

Crusher: Where was I headed?

Computer: How would I know?

Crusher: You're a lot of help.

Computer: You're welcome, doctor.

 

[BriGuy]

After so many years in command of the Enterprise, airlocking insubordinate crew members no longer provided the same pleasure it once had.

 

[Mistral]

Riker: "Sorry, sir, but I just can't get the battery cover off."

Picard: *sigh* "Try unscrewing the little screw, Number One."

 

[Mistral]

Picard stared out the ship's window thinking, "Shouldn't there be glass or something in this thing?"

 

[Mistral]

The bridge crew was dangerously close to becoming overdue for their booster of whatever the heck it is they take that makes them all get along so that any sense of drama or conflict has to come from an external source...

It's a brave new world that has Soma in it!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Second star to the right and straight on till morning? What the hell kind of coordinates are those?

 

[Triskelion]

Where the hell is Guinan with my moo goo gai pan? And I swear if my Pepsi can is room temperature again....

Computer, who is king of the galaxy?
The color beige.
Ah, all is right with the world.

Picard: Shut up Wesley! You don't know anything, you're just a pubescent nerd who couldn't get a girl with a Corvette and a DeBeers unlimited gift card!
Wesley: At least I'm not Worf!
Picard: Quite right! Let's all share a laugh, at least he's not Worf!
Crew: <laughs>

 

[T'Girl]

Man: "There goes Crusher again, staggering into sickbay hung over and wearing the same clothes she had on yesterday."

Woman: "Bet you ten to one that she has her panties stuffed in her pocket the slut."

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Computer, locate my dignity.

COMPUTER: Your dignity is no longer on the ship.

 

[BriGuy]

Wesley: What?!? All I said was Counselor Troi has a nice set of cans.

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: Sirs, I know I'm under 20 but I really don't know the moves for Gangnam style.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RED: Drunk again. Hard to believe she's a doctor and a Starfleet officer.

BLUE: Actually most of Starfleet Medical's recruiting takes place in dive bars and Skid Row.

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

CRUSHER: Computer, locate my dignity.

COMPUTER: Your dignity is no longer on the ship.

Crusher: When was the last record of my dignity?

Computer: Your dignity has never been recorded

 

[Jonas Grumby]

* Redshirt mimics Crusher's staggering walk while Blueshirt giggles *

 

[Finn]

Beverly: (On the couch, out of view) Allright, Jean-Luc. I'm ready. You can look

 

[T'Girl]

Jean-Luc (sniff sniff) "Ah yes ... Vash."