TNG Caption This! 289: Spooky Starship!

[LeadHead]

Happy Halloween Week everyone! I'm doing something crazy this week! I'm starting a contest on time!

First up to the plate, we have the "I really hope that's not what Siri will be doing in 5 years" Award, going to:

Picard: Computer, please talk dirty to me with Lwaxana’s voice.

Next, we have the "Welcome to the Club" Award, going to:

Data: Yes, Commander, I'm as confused by Windows 8 as the rest of you.

Next, we have the "MORE POWER!!!!!" Award, going to:

Riker and Argyle were known to do re-creations of Home Improvement episodes, which became quite popular with the crew.

Next, we have the "Best of 3?" Award, going to:

Spiner: Rock, paper, scissors to tell Denise about "Skin of Evil"?

Next, there were A LOT of fantastic entries for this picture, it was tough to narrow it down to just 2 and impossible to choose one, so double awards!

The "Things have changed a bit since The Voyage Home" Award, goes to:

Picard: "Remember, this is a very primitive and paranoid culture. So, let's get down there and take 'em for every cent they've got!"

The "Don't mess with The Picard" Award, goes to:

Data: "Signal from their leader. They implore you to go fuck yourself."

Picard: "Numbah One... what's your opinion on General Order 24?"

And, a big yay for me! Lots of great Photoshop entries, like the picture above, too many great ones to choose just one, so multiple winners here too!

Here they are:

O'Brien: *over comm* My apologizes, sir! I forgot to to finish the transporter adjusters before beaming up the doctor. My readings said she beamed midair in your ready room. Is she okay?

Picard: Perfect. Just perfect, Chief....

Picard: "Sorry, a snark ward of the pith?"

Darth Vadar (os): "Nooooooo !!"

PICARD: Thank you God!

Qoy qeylIs Beverly. Qoy puqbe'pu' and Troi. yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI' Say'Death to Wesley' may' 'Iw. maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'. nI'be' yInmaj 'ach wovqu'. batlh maHeghbej 'bang Ensign Ro' qIjDaq vavpu'ma' DImuv. pa' jackass Riker out the airlock maSuvtaHqu'. Four Lights. Four lights. There are four lights ma'ov. Qoy qeylIs Kill LaForge. Qoy puqbe'pu' and Data too.....

Picard: "Who the hell yelled 'Down in front' ?"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners! And now, a more spooky themed contest in preparation for October 31st! It does contain a special treat: An extra picture to caption!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Locutus: I'm still the same ole Picard, lower the shields and shut down the weapons and I'll prove it.

Riker: Okay-

Shelby: SERIOUSLY?!

Troi and O'Brien were attacked by Guinan's new hat.

Riker: Anybody remember where we parked the shuttle?

Data: Where were you on the night of October 23rd?!

Picard: We're really taking this "Night Shift" lighting change too far.

Riker: Why do they always finish the 9th inning at my bed time?

 

[R. Star]

Locutus: The Borg Queen demands your allegiance.
Riker: Borg Queen? Not falling for that one Jean-Luc... that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Troi: (moans)
O'Brien: Ooooh! This new orgasmo beam works GREAT!

Worf: Commander Data, look out! There's a creepy serial killer behind you!

Data: You will love my ghost stories.

News that TNG was canceled in favor of DS9 wasn't received well.

When the space monster's tentacle worked it's way into his pants and slowly up his leg Riker didn't know whether to be frightened or aroused.

 

[inflatabledalek]

As part of their ongoing efforts to prove everyone you watched on TV as a child was a pervert The Sun newspaper uncovers damning evidence Patrick Stewart was a gimp.

Meany: Oh sure, green light for the Irishman. Why not have me sitting on a pot of gold as well?

Riker: SD's just not good enough anymore is it? So damn murky...

Data: Is this creating enough flare for you Mr. Abrahms?

Picard: This new lighting is stupid, the day I approve it is the day I make you all dress as sailors.

Riker: If you think this looks bad, be grateful it's not widescreen.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Locutus: "Now who da bitch?"

Troi and O'Brien (singing): "Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down!"

Data: "Wesley. Ensign Lefler. I do not believe that activity is authorized on the bridge. Also, Wesley, according to my data banks, you are performing that action incorrectly."

Ghostly Voice (OS): "Mark me! I am thy father's spirit...wearing only a feather boa!"

 

[bullethead]

Riker: Sorry Captain, but I can't miss this chance to become the main character. Mr. Worf, fire.

Troi and O'Brien'a duet was interrupted by a remastering field passing through the ship.

Picard: Number One, I do not enjoy having my ship turned into a haunted house by an alien of the week! Take an away team down to the planet and solve the problem! And don't pull that "Sorry sir, I was too busy coughing to hear those orders" bit! That's older than I am!

Geordi: So... who wants draw straws to tell the captain that the problem isn't caused by an alien?

Data: Captain, I have some bad news?

Riker found out the hard way that the chocolates he picked up on Risa were spiked with hallucinogens.

First Officer's Log, supplemental: The Enterprise is on the verge of being attacked by the enigmatic Baking Boss, who claims that Captain Picard insulted his croissants. With the captain's life and the Federation's treaty with the Baking Consortium on the line, decisive action must be taken.

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: So - Borg females - does the carpet match the drapes?

 

[inflatabledalek]

These Are The Voyages Riker: I am the ghost of Riker's future!

Present Day Riker: Dear God, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Locutus: Hello, do you have a few minutes to talk about the Church of Latter Day Saints?
Riker: Mr. Data, please note in the ship's logs that the Borg are now an even bigger threat than we imagined, they've assimilated Mitt Romney.

O'Brien: Okay, I admit it! The damned leprechaun was lying, this is what using Irish Spring is really like!

Riker: Just admit it, Geordi, we're lost.
Geordi: We're not lost, okay, it's just that most alien planets we beam down to look the same for some reason.
Worf: I could have sworn we passed that swamp already.
Geordi: Look, it's not my fault the set decorators get lazy from time to time!
Data: That was not a wise move, Geordi.
Geordi: I know, I know, I'm sorry, alright!
Data: The last time you complained, they turned your quarters into the only bathroom on the ship.
Geordi: Look, I said I was sorry, okay! And it wasn't so bad, at least it wasn't until the Captain told me I can't charge admission anymore...

Data: That's it, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You've been warned about using your cell phone during a movie.

The crew never let Jonathan Frakes live down the fact that when the director yelled, "Show me your sexiest pose," Patrick Stewart struck an authoritative pose, Michael Dorn struck a crouched/ready to pounce pose, and Marina Sirtis did her best to showcase her ample rear, while Frakes picked his, "doubled over coughing his lungs out" pose.

It was just a scratch, thought Riker, it's nothing. Sure the guy who scratched him was looking a little rough. Okay, more than a little rough. I mean, yeah, he had skin falling off of him and he kind of hobbled, but not everyone has access to the Federation's advanced technology. That's no reason to discriminate against him. Humanity had evolved past using the hateful "Z-word" anyway, it's not the guy's fault he was living-disabled...

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Gangnam Style!

 

[Armored Saint]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: Come on Locutus, you think it will be with this black sweater that you will impress me? Have you done your shopping with Wesley?

O’Brien: You're empath and you didn't notice that this gaseous life-form had to pee.

Worf: And Betazoids consider that as heavy sadomasochism?

Picard (OS): Number One, did you find this rare awesomness and manhood improvement destined to Wesley?
Worf: Commander, may I point out that you weren't beardy this morning?

Data: I am an officer, not a theater usher.

Picard (OS): What happened to him?
Crusher (OS): It seems he lost at poker.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHELBY: My god, its Captain Picard.

RIKER: I'm not worried.

LOCUTUS: We are the Borg. We surrender.

RIKER: See.

 

[Isis]

Locutus: "It turns out these Borg aren't so smart. Actually, you don't have to worry about me taking over the Enterprise. The Borg are well aware Starfleet uses DC current, but they absolutely refuse to budge from AC."

Picard: "Now, next time I tell you people to pack a few flashlights, will you finally listen to me?"

 

[Isis]

Wesley thought it would be amusing if he put Tabasco sauce in the tranya.

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Effing Borg. I told them to pipe in Led Zeppelin, but they're giving me Justin Bieber."

 

[Isis]

Data: "What is trick or treating?"

Geordi: "Why do you want to know?"

Data: "I'd like to know what the middle-aged female in the house back there meant when she said, 'Hey you, you're too old to be trick or treating."

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Damn my eyes, I can't see a thing. Geordi you are one lucky bastard. I'd give my third pip right now to be able to use a VISOR for anything but scratching my taint.

Worf: He has turned physical limitation into a source of courage and strength. On Qo'noS, you would be given a hero's death challenge on a daily basis. I myself would enjoy testing my batleth's edge against your honorable brainplating.

Data: I can detect over 4000 species of fauna on this planetoid; yet I cannot see even three meters to determine the source of that gastric rumbling and grinding of massive fangs that Geordi alone bravely marches toward. I shall miss you at Ops when I'd monitor your nightly game of Pin the Tail on the Holographic Yeoman, my friend. On the main viewer.

Geordi: I hate you all.

 

[Captain Nebula]

Everyone was too polite to say that Counselor Troi's and Chief O'Brien's attempt at a Klingon Opera Duet was horrid.

Worf, of course, loved it and was humming it for weeks afterwards.

 

[T'Girl]

Deanna screamed in horror when she realized the
green ray was giving her enormous "man-hands."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Locutus: "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. From this moment forward, you will adapt to..." turns to Borg on left "Is this suit meant to chafe so much?"

Simon Cowell os: "You can't sing, you can't dance, you can barely find the beat, and you look like you're being tortured... Get rid of the Irishman and show some more cleavage and I think you have a future in this industry."

Riker: "Away team log entry. We have beamed down to the surface of Pyris VII to follow up on the mission here by the original Enterprise, 79 years ago... The planet seems deserted... halt recording. What is it, Data?"
Data: "I tawt I taw a puddy tat."
Worf: "What!"
Data: "I did, I did taw a puddy tat!"

Data: "In the event of an emergency, I am programmed to serve as a lighthouse."

Troi: "Oh dear God! I so did not need to see that."
Riker: "It's too dark in here. I couldn't even see properly. I thought it was Deanna."
Picard: "There is a reason behind the regulations regarding fraternisation between officers."
Worf: "You kiss like a weak fragile human, Commander. It was not... unpleasant."

Riker: "Dear God! I kissed Worf."