TNG Caption This! 288: Loads of fun!

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: I really don't have time to deal with this. Tell Lwaxana I'm launching a deep space probe. She'll understand.

Riker: Do you think the captain knows?
Data: Forensic analysis indicates the photographs could be photoshopped.
LaForge: We'd better let him know Lwaxana has changed her facebook status to married... with pictures.

Argyle: A fat Scotsman was good enough for the first Enterprise... damned affirmative action costing me my job!

Data: Most intruging... may I... touch them?
-turbolift opens-
Troi: Perhaps now's not the good time. The captain gets territorial about me and his chair.

Data: Signal from Starfleet command, sir. Admiral Nechayev orders you to stop fucking around and get some shit done.
Picard: The bitch... everyone thinks I turned down promotion because I wanted to explore... I just didn't want to work with her every day.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Oops! Sorry, Bev! I didn't realize you were so ticklish there!"

 

[Trekker4747]

Picard: "I once caught a fish..."

Geordi: I don't get it, it's chocolate ice cream, isn't it?
Riker: That's not what they're implying.
Data: Fascinating...

Argyle: Look at what you did! Bad boy!

Data: And the the second girl too the cup and...

There you go, Geordi. A nice low-levels squeaker for you.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Come out to the Neutral Zone, we'll get together, have a few laughs.... Never again I think, Tomalak!

Riker: Now switch to subdermal scan of the ambassador's party.
Geordi: Ewwwwww!
Data: Commander, it's been centuries and no one has ever found another explosive sneaker. Can we stop now?
Riker: <rolls eyes furtively at Geordi> Deploy the uteran probes, Commander.
Geordi: Ewwwwww!

Argyle: Alright, let's do this. Before we start you should know I was three-year Pec-Twitching champion of the Academy!

Riker: You're going down, McGuillicutty!

Troi: I sense someone is coming.
Data: I would love to get my hands on whatever you've got on Picard that keeps you aboard this ship.
Troi: Let's just call it...an aversion to explosive decompression, Commander Think-Too-Much.

Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. I'm still trying to decide which station will still have a job at the end of the day: Ops or Helm.
Geordi: Loser gets a new cranial hatch with a hacksaw.
Data: I agree to those terms.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATE: Then he threatens his spouse saying "one of these days, Alice. Pow. Zoom Right to the Moon!" I fail understand how the blow could send her to the Moon. "Ralph" is a large man, but I doubt a blow from his fist could cause "Alice" to break free of the Earth's gravity and be sent on a trajectory to the Moon.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Computer, locate Wesley Crusher

Computer: *Majel's voice* Wesley Crusher is in Science Lab 4

Picard: Mr. Worf, lock on Wesley and transport him to that big lake with some camping supplies immediately!

Worf: Uh...Yes, Sir.... Done!

Picard: Ensign, get us the hell out of here before Wesley uses his camping supplies to get back up here, maximum warp!

Geordi: Aye, Sir!

 

[Isis]

Troi: "Hey, could you put a kibbosh on the fistbumps? Yes, I admit I prefer the full functionality of an android, but I don't want Will...or Worf........................................or Jean-Luc or Tasha to know."

<brief pause>

Troi: "They're right behind us, aren't they?"

Picard: "Are you gentleman finally convinced?"

Data: "About what, Sir?"

Picard: "That next to me, Numbah One's poses are those of a rank amateur."

 

[Isis]

Crewman: "OK, Argyle, you're out. I didn't say 'Simon says.'"

 

[Isis]

Few knew that when things got slow on the Enterprise, Captain Picard took up juggling, albeit unsuccessfully.

 

[Finn]

O'Brien: *over comm* My apologizes, sir! I forgot to to finish the transporter adjusters before beaming up the doctor. My readings said she beamed midair in your ready room. Is she okay?

Picard: Perfect. Just perfect, Chief....

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "Sorry, a snark ward of the pith?"

Darth Vadar (os): "Nooooooo !!"

Picard: "...and I look out the shuttle view port and there's this ... thing out on the stabilizer."

Deanna: "I see."

Picard: "Well, when I try to point it out to Beverly, naturally there's nothing there."

Deanna: "Go on."

Picard: "So when I look again, this thing is tearing apart the port warp nacelle ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Thank you God!

 

[Triskelion]

Qoy qeylIs Beverly. Qoy puqbe'pu' and Troi. yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI' Say'Death to Wesley' may' 'Iw. maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'. nI'be' yInmaj 'ach wovqu'. batlh maHeghbej 'bang Ensign Ro' qIjDaq vavpu'ma' DImuv. pa' jackass Riker out the airlock maSuvtaHqu'. Four Lights. Four lights. There are four lights ma'ov. Qoy qeylIs Kill LaForge. Qoy puqbe'pu' and Data too.....

Riker: What the...
Data: It is...gibberish, sir. The captain's song makes no sense.
Geordi: Thank you, Counselor Troi.

 

[Armored Saint]

Picard: Computer, please talk dirty to me with Lwaxana’s voice.

Data: You’re right, the Blu-Ray TNG edition gives us a clear view on captain’s crotch.

Picard: Data, can you scan behind screen, I feel they’re looking at my crotch.

Argyle: Commander Riker, he said that I will be fired and my functions of beardy officer and chief engineers will be taken by two dudes on bridge.

Data: ...and then, she put chocolate on my fully functional and anatomically correct device and took it like that.
Troi: Yummy!

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Picard: Sorry, ladies. I had no idea that shower floor panel was a one-way mirror!

Spiner: Rock, paper, scissors to tell Denise about "Skin of Evil"?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Alien (in Stephen Stucker voice): Where did you get that UNIFORM? It's AWFUL! Those shoes, and that communicator...GEEEEEEEEZ!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: If the two of you don't know why the hell that's flashing, I sure don't.

 

[Isis]

Newscaster (OS): "Police have released the names of alleged clients of a woman who used her Zumba dance studio in the U.S. state of Maine for..."

Geordi (to self): "Oh, so that's why the captain is always on his way to Zumba whenever you need him these days."

Data: "Captain, I can't do anything with this steering."

<brief pause>

Data: "Maybe this time it wasn't such a good idea to use National for our starship rental."

 

[Mistral]

Screen shot from the rarely seen episode "Picard and the Lilliputians".

 

[Mistral]

Picard: "Who the hell yelled 'Down in front' ?"