TNG Caption This! 288: Loads of fun!

[LeadHead]

Good evening everyone! Sorry about the lateness, things got away from me this weekend. How is it sunday night already?!

First up to the plate, we have the "Fair is fair" Award, going to:

"Mr. Data, if I can sit through fifty of your damn recitals, you can watch for five fucking minutes while I do shadow puppets on my chest!"

Next, we have the "Revenge!" Award, going to:

Space Ant: "Puny humans, behold our galaxy-class magnifying glass!"

Next, we have the "Budget Cutbacks" award, going to:

Picard: Hey... this isn't real wood! We paid for real wood right?

Next, we have the "Odds in your favor" Award, going to:

Riker: "I am gonna turn that babe every which way but loose!"
Bassist: "Yeah. It takes a real stud to score on a holodeck. Yawn."

Next, we have the "CSI: Alpha Quadrant" Award, going to:

Geordi: I guess you could say that helm maneuver caught the Romulans...

blindsided.

YEEEAAAHHHHH

LaForge: Hey there are flowers next to Commander Riker's chair. I wonder who left them there?
Data: It is a most intruging mystery. Perhaps Commander Riker has a secret admirer.
Yar: -screams- A little help here?!

Thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: What do you mean 'Laughing gas was released into the air?'

La Forge: LeadHead didn't get the contest online til sunday night?

Argyle: Don't mess with me. I'm gonna be Chief Engineer on this ship for a long time.

beat

Argyle: Hi Geordi, why are you wearing gold?

Data: ... And they still think that it was Lore who was beamed into space...

Picard: This planet's boring, too. Find me one with more brown and purple!

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARGYLE: Tell him Riker, I'm Chief Engineer on Wednesdays!!!

RIKER: We gotta find a better system.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA:...yes, mutliple techniques.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW!

Picard: Jesus Beverly, no need to throw yourself at me so literally... or from so high.

Data: See Commander, I told you Imzadi didn't really mean "Beloved".

Riker: *Thinking* As soon as he's asleep tonight, I'm sneaking in his quarters and stealing his beard.

Data: ...My whole hand fitted in with room to spare. Oh... hi Yar. Who we were not just talking about.

Picard: We need new chairs, these can't be good for the crews posture.

 

[Triskelion]

Hey thanks for the Win Leadhead!

Data: Now Numbah One, be careful, I intend to orate and gesticulate wildly.
Troi: Well ok, pilgrim - as long as I've got room to *LUNGE* so I can air out my rusty tromb- ahem.

Make it - SO! Make IT so. MAKE it so! En-GAGE! Numbah One! Number. Numbah. Noom-Bah ONE! Get OFF my bridge! Get off my BRIDGE! Prime diRECtive! Tea Earl Gray Hot! Admiral Satie? Admiral SATie. ADMIRAL Satie. Sten-tooooooorian....

Riker: Cut the visual link to the ready room, Data. And - let's never do this again.
Data: Yes sir.

Crewman: Sir, we've tracked the alien life form to engineering. Doctor Crusher believes it may be jumping from host to host.
Beard <thinking>: You'll never get me aliiiiiive!

Picard: Now mark this, Number One. Step three: lift leg to let out the gas bubble - always near subordinate officers.

 

[Mitty]

Data: Yes, Commander, I'm as confused by Windows 8 as the rest of you.

 

[Finn]

Picard: *grumbles*

Worf: ...but I didn't fart

Yar: It wasn't me

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

It's only in the privacy of his own ready room, that Starfleet Regulations allowed Picard to truly gesticulate like the Frenchman he was...

La Forge: "Why is it whenever we gather around this console, we wind up looking at the TBBS caption contests."
Riker: "It's the only way to find out what the little fuckers really think of us."
Data: "A fisting reference regarding Tasha Yar? That is... not wholly inaccurate..."

Riker: "This is our chief Engineer, Vigo Argyle, also known as Vigo the elite, Vigo the gifted..."
Straszinski: "Aren't you also Vigo the butch?"

Data: "Care to wrassle, Counsellor?"
Picard: "Leave the bridge for five minutes..."

Geordi: "This is a first..."
Data: "Indeed. The lumniosity reflected from the planet exceeds that reflected from the captain's cranium."

Worf: "Ever mated with..."
Yar: "Shut up!"

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Riker: Mr Data, what is that?

Data: I am at a loss to explain it, Commander.

LaForge: Why would the computer have records of something call 'Jersey Shore'?

It's my engine room! I'll Superman-pose if I want too!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Data: "I do not understand the plot of this movie."
LaForge: "What's to understand, Data? The plumber shows up, the girl answers the door in nothing but a bath towel, and then boom-chika-wow-wow."
Data: "But...he never does fix the leaky faucet!"

Argyle: "Yeah, that's right! I'm the new chief engineer! Big whoop! Wanna fight about it?"

Data: "Commander Riker told me that if I found a woman attractive, I should not hesitate to 'hit on her.' So, if you will just remain still for a moment..."

Picard: "Remember, this is a very primitive and paranoid culture. So, let's get down there and take 'em for every cent they've got!"

 

[Triskelion]

Crewman: Captain ordered me to tell you to stop baking pizzas in there

Data: No data is available on the phenomenon. Fortunately we still have one chance to ascertain its nature. It's crazy - but it just. Might. Work."
Riker: Do it, Data.
Data: Googling now, Sir.
Geordi: See? I told you it was a space anomaly!

Data: And then I said, "Get your own damned tea Earl Grey hot. And I poked him.

Troi: No! And then what happened!

Troi: Captain, you seem remarkably well-prepared to greet the president of the Planet of Supermodels.

Data: Query, Geordi: "Swivel-Hips...?"

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD: Ceiling Cat, you dare taunt me in the privacy of my Ready Room again?

DATA (examining his reflection): Do you really think I need botox?

CHIEF ENGINEER: Well, I happen to think it makes me look manly.

DATA: All you need to know about Tasha Yar is: I gave her one.



(pace, Red Dwarf fans)

PICARD: This planet looks familiar; have we been going round in circles again?
DATA (sotto voce to Geordi): Your fault!
GEORDI (sotto voce): Is not! Your coordinates!
DATA (sotto voce): Like the Captain's going believe the blind guy.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Argyle: Kosinski, for the last time, STOP using my engine room as a distillery!

Riker: (dazed) He means it. Although you do make the best moonshine in the quadrant. *pause* Hic.

 

[Triskelion]

Argyle: So what if my ancestors monopolized heavier, fatter laptops and big-assed mobile computation devices? That's no excuse to come down here with your hurtful names.

Riker: Better drop that laptop, crewman.

Wesley: Hey who bludgeoned this puma to death in the corridor?

Picard: Two centuries it took humans to make audio communicators non-intrusive nor annoying. And now, Commander Riker, you've thrown it all away with one Craigslist ad.

Data: Query, Geordi: "BBF...?"

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Oh, Lwaxana, oh, show me your sacred chalice again!
Troi: Sir, could you please not re-enact your sexual fantasies about my mother while you're de-briefing me?

Data: I believe it was called, "Gangnam Style."

Riker and Argyle were known to do re-creations of Home Improvement episodes, which became quite popular with the crew.

Picard: Damn it, Data, if anyone is going to woo a woman by singing Barry White on my bridge, it's going to be me!

Data: Sir, we just lost contact with the away team, what are your orders?
Picard: Who did we send down, again?
Data: MacDougal, Argyle, Logan, and Lynch.
Picard: Oh, so no big deal, then. Mr. LaForge, break orbit and report to engineering, you're the new Chief Engineer. And just remember, when I say I want warp power, NOW, I mean it. Let this last away team serve as a warning to you, you don't toe the line, and well, there's plenty of others dying to take your position as Chief Engineer.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Riker: "Hold it, mister. I do the self-conscious posing around here."

Data: "Signal from their leader. They implore you to go fuck yourself."

Picard: "Numbah One... what's your opinion on General Order 24?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Mr. Riker, have a yeoman bring me another box of pencils.

 

[Triskelion]

^

Argyle: So? Is the Captain ready to debrief me?
Crewman: Um...not literally, sir.

 

[Ln X]

The suggestion of recycling old paperback books went way beyond Picard's head...

Data: The crew quarter surveillance channel is at your disposal commander.
Riker: Hmm... There's a certain red-haired ensign I've mean meaning to check out.

Bearded guy: (thinking) Damn uniform! My moobs are chafing!

Data: Anal fisting...
Picard: What was that Mr Data?
Data: Nothing sir...

Picard: If you must know we've had the viewscreen retrofitted, you would never believe it but a few months ago, a planet like this would be nothing more than a greenish blob with streaks of brown and blue!