TNG Caption This! 270: Hanging out in the Alpha Quadrant

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday, Everyone! Lets get on with our winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "Proper Planning" Award, going to:

Picard: "I see what the problem is. We need to put a Barnes and Noble in right next to the food court."

Next, we have the "Here we go again.." Award, going to:

TV: Here is the latest coverage from the Presidential election on Earth-
Picard: Computer! Change channel!

Next, we have the "Complex Competition" Award, going to:

Worf: Captain, request permission to return to duty, sir. These staring contests are not productive.
Picard: Permission denied Mr. Worf, the winner of you and me will take on the winner to Riker and Mr. Data, and the winner of that will take on the winner of the Beverly, Troi, O'Brien, and Ro grouping.

Next, we have the "Cause of Death" Award, going to:

Riker: "Are you sure that's what killed him?"

Security Guard: "There's a hole in his chest the size of my hand and it was lying next to him, sir."

Riker: "But are you sure?"

Next, we have the "Regrets of the Day After" Award, going to:

Troi: " I can't believe I drank that much and then did that with you?"

Data: "Do not worry Councillor, My Lubricants are organic and fit for Human consumption"

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

CRUSHER( sighing) : Looks like I'm flying solo again tonight.

Data: "Do not worry, Counselor. Although I could not physically locate Commander Riker to inform him personally that he inadvertantly left his underwear and his trombone in your quarters last night, I did make a ship-wide announcement over the P.A. system, so I am confident he got the message."

Thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

Now, lets get things moving again...

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Out of my chair, Number One. The real Captain is back.

Riker: Your analysis, Geordi?

La Forge: It's dirt.

Worf: Are you serious? You're a highly advanced Android, and you're camping in online Multiplayer?

Crusher: Yes, you are in pain.

Troi: Told you.

Picard: I plan to extort Admiral Nechayev with these photos. What do you think, Number One? Number One?

 

[Admiral Bear]

Picard: I plan to extort Admiral Nechayev with these photos. What do you think, Number One? Number One?

Riker: Nechayev and Shelby? That's just so wrong. Nice tits though.

 

[shivkala]

Riker silently cursed under his breath. Another 30 seconds and he would have gotten away with putting the whoopie cushion on Picard's chair without being caught.

Riker: Well, looks like we better get to work. Get the hoe, Geordi.
LaForge: Sir! I know Troi is resistant to getting back together with you, but, I think calling her a "ho" is uncalled for!

Though very un-Klingon, Worf did enjoy the practice of office gossip.

Crusher: The tricorder confirms it, unfortunately, I cannot allow you to get your driver's license, your eyesight is too poor.
Troi: Please, please, can't you just ignore the scans and okay my license?
Crusher: Oh, what the hell, I mean you're just a counselor, what's the harm in letting you get your driver's license. It's not like you'll ever get the chance to drive the ship. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, anyway?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Crusher: "Your sex hormone levels are definitely highly elevated, but I can find no underlying pharmacological or pathological cause. Maybe you're just naturally slutty."

Picard: "Admiral Hanson in a grass skirt and coconut bra. Isn't that the damnedest thing you ever saw?"

 

[Shon T'Hara]

Geordi: There's no doubt about it, Commander, it's the Borg.
Riker: What would the Borg want with an ant colony?

Enjoy!

Picard: It would seem Mr. Crusher has converted the main computer into an Internet porn site.

Riker: I'll have a talk with him at once.

Picard: No hurry, Number One. You should check out the video Barclay uploaded of his night in Councilor Troi's quarters. I've never seen a chocolate parfait put to such use.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Picard: Number One, get the hell off of my chair! You always ruin its bum groove!

Geordi: Nothing much left of Wesley I'd say commander...
Riker: Poor chap, on a cloudless day a bolt of lightening just happens to incinerate him right here.

Data: Mr Worf I do believe you're hacking COD 370 to try to beat me.
Geordi: Yeah Worf play fair!

Troi: What are you scanning for?
Beverly: You're virginity, according to this tricorder it tells me you're still single!

Picard: Number One, as we're the two most senior officers on the Enterprise, I can permit you to watch the footage of the various spy cams I've fitted all over the ship.
Riker: Woah! Didn't realise Beverly did that!
Picard: Indeed... Poor woman really needs a man.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Riker: "Fire!?"

Picard: "That's enough of that. On my ship, we give orders with a period."

LaForge: "Confirmed, sir. This smoking crater is all that remains of Ron Jones."

Riker: [Long, drawn-out sigh] "Get me Dennis McCarthy."

Worf: "Worst. LAN party. Ever."

Beverly: "It says you're in pain."

Troi: "Damn technology, always putting me out of a job."

Riker: "'Two Crystalline Entities, One Graviton Pulse', you say?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: When did you have the time to be come "Space Pope"?

CRUSHER: Season Two.

 

[Merlanthe]

CRUSHER: Ha, ha, got your nose!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Geordi: Nothing much left of Wesley I'd say commander...
Riker: Poor chap, on a cloudless day a bolt of lightening just happens to incinerate him right here.

Dang you beat me to the Wesley Burn
Mine would have gone
Riker: "Geordi what is it?"

La Forge:"It's Wesley sir".

Riker: Begings grinning like a Cheshire cat

Anyhow thanks for the win.

 

[Skywalker]

Picard: "Damn it, Number One! You're in my spot!"
Riker: "You can't sit somewhere else?"
Data: "Respectfully, sir, he cannot. You see, the middle chair is close enough to the heating vent so that the captain remains warm, yet not so close that he sweats. It is also directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by activating cooling fans there and there. It faces the viewscreen at an angle that is not direct, so he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted."
Picard: "Mister Data, perhaps there's hope for you yet."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Look at that bit of carpet there, completely filthy! We've really got to stop letting the ship clean itself.

Geordi: It's the French toilet the Captain requested.

Geordi: So Worf, what is your job anyway?

Crusher: Subject's mind... completely empty.

Picard:... And that's what you'll look like by the time you make Captain.

 

[Isis]

TFTW, LeadHead.

Picard: "Will, you've got to learn how to think better on your feet. This is the third Zumba clahss I've missed this month."

Riker: "You will visit an exciting new place."

<brief pause>

Riker: "Well, it seems like they've come up with a cookie that can do what a ship's counselor does, only for a lot cheaper."

Geordi: "He's making goo-goo eyes at me."

Data: "No, I believe you are incorrect. He is making goo-goo eyes at me."

Crusher: "This is shedding absolutely no light on your empathic abilities, but I found my lost locker key."

Picard: "No, Will, you just look like you can't hear. If you want your own command any time soon, you really need to develop a pose with more gravitas."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Clear out, losers! The 'A' teams back!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Wasn't that model a different ship when I walked in?

PICARD: I don't think so.

 

[Ln X]

Riker: A hundred ways to avoid woman when as a Starfleet captain... Hmm... Perhaps I'll stick with my position as first officer!

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker: A taxidermied targ turned into a quadcopter?

Picard: Yup. They call it Helitarg.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Thanks for the win a couple of contests back....been busy trying to straighten out college and missed a few.

Riker: "I'm in the doghouse with Deanna and I don't know what to do."

Picard: "Here, give her this Hershey's Special Dark bar. Chocolate....never forget the basics, Number One."

 

[TrickyDickie]

LaForge: "Archer was here before us, Commander."

Riker: "Yeah, we come all this way only to find....beagle shit."