TNG Caption This! 263: Time Together

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone! Sorry about the late start, might have some busy weekends in the next few weeks. Hopefully won't further effect starting times, I will inform you if they well.

First up to the plate, we have the "Paintball's got notin on me" Award, going to:

Crusher: "This is NOT what I had in mind when you suggested we play a game of Laser Tag."

Next, we have the "Does that mean you have to make reservations to sit at your station?" Award, going to:

Riker: The critics were right, the ship really is like a hotel in space.

Next, we have the "No Secrets" Award, going to:

TROI: ... the worst of it is, when we make love, I really can tell when he's thinking of someone else...

Next, we have the "Well, that was a dangerous idea..." Award, going to:

Announcer: We've secretly replaced Mr. Worf's fine coffee he usually drinks with Folgers Crystals. Let's see if he notices the difference.

[Worf takes a sip]

[comic beat]

[Worf glares at the camera]

Announcer: Oh shit. I think he noticed.

Next, we have the "Uhhhh..... that's not gonna work..." Award, going to:

Data: "Can you see me now?"
Laforge: *sigh*

Our "Get back to work, LeadHead" Award goes to:

Data: Hang in there, Geordi. Leadhead will be right in later today.

And sometimes photoshops don't have to be compex to be winners! Our award goes to:

DATA: You were right, Geordi. Zero G was amazing.

Troi: "I sense you can save hundreds on car insurance."

Picard: "Did you sense I don't own a car?"

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated! Lets keep going with our new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Captain's Log: Supplemental. Since it has been so difficult to have a quiet evening to myself. I have sedated the entire crew and left the computer in charge. Now, for some peace and quiet...

Computer: Captain Picard, would you like to play a game of chess? I play very well.

Riker: Okay, we're not on the list for this club, so the only way in is this back door. Phasers on Stun.

Crusher: Well, they're not flowers, but at least I'm getting gifts from men again.

Picard: Number One, are you sure?

Riker: Yes Sir.

La Forge: This is taking forever!

Picard: All right, we'll get a large pepperoni, and a large combination with Anchovies. Okay?

Worf: Anchovies are Without Honor!

Picard: *sigh*

Picard: And remember kids, don't try this at home.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Mr. Worf, hail the Phoenix and order them to break off their attack! Oh, and while you're at it, ask Commander Riker if he would mind keeping his damned feet off the furniture!"

 

[T'Girl]

Captain's Log: Since the plants that Commander Riker beamed up from the surface released their spores into the ventilation system, the crew seem much more relaxed and peaceful.

Riker: "I understand since the death of your husband, botany has replaced sex in your life. How is that working for you?"

Beverly's face was all the answer he needed.

 

[Nerys Myk]

It was three hours later that Picard realized he had negotiated a trade agreement with a floral arangement.

 

[Maurice]

CRUSHER: I'm telling you...it sang to me.
RIKER: Sure...what did it say?
CRUSHER: "Feed me, Seymore."

 

[Ln X]

Picard: Computer display latest surveillance footage, focus on... Riker's quarters.

Riker: So we advance quietly up, and keep a low profile.
Worf: With all due respect sir, surely an android can hear us breathing?
Riker: Always go for the gun's blazing approach don't you Worf?

Riker: I wouldn't sniff so close if I were you.
Crusher: Why not?
Riker: It would knock you out stone cold.
Crusher: And you're sending these to the captain?
Riker: He won't suspect a thing.
Crusher: And this is your 12th mutiny attempt right?
Riker: 13th actually.

Picard: So what's the problem?
Riker: Mr Worf here refuses to submit to a physical examination.
Crusher: I've tried telling him that this is routine.
Worf: I will submit myself to being... probed and prodded.
Picard: Lieutenant Worf I am giving you a direct order to submit to a physical.
Worf: Yes... yes sir.

Picard: Gul Dukat-
Macet: Macet.
Picard: No you're Dukat, I recognize you!
Macet: My name is Macet.
Picard: Well you sure look like Dukat...
Macet: (sighs) Any similarities are purely coincidental.
Picard: I'll keep that in mind, Gul Dukat...

 

[Holdfast]

TFTW.

PICARD (thinking): I wish they'd stop sending flowers; my flute-playing is NOT the death of music as we know it.

RIKER: When I find out who let off a Genesis Device on board the ship, they're in big trouble...

RIKER: But it brings out my eyes.
CRUSHER: No, it clashes with your uniform colour.

RIKER: Another conference room scene where nothing gets decided?
PICARD: It's mandatory. One per episode.

PICARD: Mr Worf, log us into Xbox Live.

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFT KBLA.

Announcer (in a whisper): "We've secretly replaced this fine starship's tea with Folger's Tea Crystals. Let's see if they notice."

Picard: "Sorry, Mr. Announcer, but I can hear you even though you're whispering. You think maybe a voiceover would have been a better option?"

It became known -- to Picard's and others' great aggravation -- that Riker had a prosthetic leg when he couldn't remember which planet he left it on.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Commander! Tricorder readings indicate a large structure directly ahead!"
Riker: "Really, Mr. Worf? Gee, it's too bad you don't have a calculator on you; maybe you could tell me what two plus two equals as well."

Riker: "From Odan?"
Crusher: "Yes. Argelian Stinkweed. Apparently, 'sorry, not on the first date' wasn't what he wanted to hear."

 

[shivkala]

Picard: I don't always drink coffee, but when I do, I like to do it in the most pretentious way possible.

Worf: I'm sorry, sir, but I am not detecting the cannabis you were asking about.

Riker:: *Ahem,* uh, I think you misunderstood me, I was asking if any of the plants were carnivorous...

LaForge: Uh-huh, "carnivorous," right... And is that why when the Captain hailed you the other day, you told him, "Riker's not here, man..."

Crusher: Hands off, Commander, this isn't cannabis, either.

Picard: Commander, I regret to say, this isn't a mission briefing, you see, I, that is to mean, we, um...

Crusher: What the Captain is trying to say, Will, is that, we feel the need to intervene, because, we feel you have a problem, with the "wacky weed," as it were.

Data: *offscreen* Wacky weed? I do not understand why we are having to confront Commander Riker due to a simple gardening problem.

LaForge: Data, "Wacky Weed" is a euphemism for marijuana. You might want to consult your data banks before we continue.

Data: Ah, Marijuana. Mary Jane. Weed. Pot. Reefer. Grass. Chronic. Ganja. Buddha.

Picard: That's enough Data...

Data: Data is not here, man...

Picard: Really? We're in the 24th Century and the best we can do are dots? Really? What's next, a giant, "You are here" sign with an arrow pointing to our location. I mean, we're in the 24th Century, shouldn't this be, like, holographic or something. I mean, really. And in front of our guests and everything. Who designs our software anyway, Windows?

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "I fail to see Councilor, how the presence of a dozen
cats would in any way make 'this scene' complete."

Evil Picard: "I just can't help but feeling that the 'good' people in the Mirror Universe are somehow watching us through this tabletop."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "The more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to think this decor just doesn't pass the WWJTKD? test."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW.

Picard: *Thinking* I wonder why Beverly wants to keep borrowing my flute when she doesn't even play... Oh my God. No, she wouldn't. Might have to have a sniff of it later to make sure.

Riker: So which one of these is a shrubbery then?

Riker: Here's that shrubbery you wanted. Aren't you a little old to be doing that annoying student endless quoting of Monty Python thing anyway?

Worf: Sir, there is no honour with being made to stand in the naughty corner!

Picard: Hey, have you seen this guys facial hair? Unless he's playing Dum Dum Duggan in the Cardassian version of Captain America there's no excuse for looking such a tit.

 

[T'Girl]

LaForge: "I'm back Commander, have we located the planets inhabitants yet."
Riker: "Yes, turns out they're all around us."
Worf: "They are a plant people."
LaForge: "Oh oh. I may have just urinated on one of them."
Plant Person (os): "That's okay, I'm into that sort of thing."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Last night? Last hand of the game? You didn't have enough chips left to cover your bet, so you said if you lost I could sit next to the captain at the next staff meeting? I beat your three kings with a full house?"
Riker (dismissively): "No, I don't remember any of that."

 

[Isis]

Worf: "OK, they have a table for us."

Riker: "Finally. After waiting all these hours, this 'Rain Forest Cafe' better have decent food."

Crusher: "I really would have preferred a Chia pet."

Riker: "No, I'm not the one who ate all the red M&Ms."

 

[Mojochi]

For some reason, 'guys night' always ended early when Picard hosted

Worf: This garage door opener sucks

Crusher: Well, in order to save the Chlorophyllonian ambassador, I'm going to need to test the crew for a suitable fertilizer donor. Might as well start with you, since you're here

Picard: You have some nerve. Nella Darren is the only person who I've had sex with that needed to be transferred. I've been offloading female crew by the dozens, because of you

Geordi: Don't think I've forgotten about Sonya Gomez

Picard: Exactly WTF are the white dots supposed to be? Stars? You're telling me the Phoenix is within firing distance of a dozen stars?

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: You have some nerve. Nella Darren is the only person who I've had sex with that needed to be transferred. I've been offloading female crew by the dozens, because of you

Geordi: Don't think I've forgotten about Sonya Gomez

Picard: "You know Commander, sooner or later Worf is going to find out it was you who fathered Alexander with K'Ehleyr and ... his standing right next to me, isn't he?

 

[Finn]

Picard: ...Computer, let give this other try. What are the chances Khan knew Chekov because Chekov took the last dessert in the mess while Khan was right behind him?

Computer:..probability is .047 percent. Khan would not have waited behind someone in the line...