TNG Caption This #184: Brace for........something...

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, I know things have been a little inconsistent lately and I apologize, moving makes things crazy. Enough of that, time for some winners!

First up, for reminding us of Police Academy, our winner is:

[zipper sound from podium]

Next for warning Data of a potentially lethal enemy, our winner is:

McCoy: "I don't see any ears on you boy, but you sound like a Vulcan."
Data: "I am an android."
McCoy: "Good thing for your life expectancy that Jim Kirk is dead, then."

For showing that Scotty hasn't lost his priorities, our winner is:

Scotty: To getting our hands on ample nacelles!

For bringing to life one of the best casts for Whose Line, our winner is:

Picard: Now I'm the one with the phaser, so I have to speak in a Jimmy Stewart voice. Ambassador, you're wearing shoulderpads so you and Sela have to speak like Groucho Marx, and you Data-"

Drew Carey: [rings buzzer] Next, scenes from a hat.

When Scotty says, I know this ship like the back of my hand, bad things happen. Our winner is:

Scotty: "I know Federation starships like the back of my hand! Wait -- this idn't thee sonic popcorn maker..."

Congrats to all of our winners! Time for our next round!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: We found this, it's pure Earl Grey.

Picard: It's good. I want an exclusive agreement with the supplier.

Riker: He's trying to play the field.

Picard: That's where the enforcer come into play. I promise Mister Worf, you'll make Lieutenant Commander in our first movie if you take care of this for me.

Worf: He's going down Captain.

Picard: Beverly, are you all right? Okay, I admit it, maybe I need glasses when I'm using Phasers.

La Forge: If we ignore her, maybe she'll go away.

This is what they did in battle scenes before the Exploding console was invented.

Picard: Am I really that bald?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard, sniffing: This ship, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, THEN you get the woman. That's why you gotta make your own moves.

Picard: What did I tell you about running inside the starship?

Troi could never be certain that when she looked Data in the eyes, Lore wasn't staring back at her.

 

[Captain Crow]

Thanks for the win.

Picard: Would you like to come to my quarters later and play the flute?

[Woman startled from what Picard just said]

Riker: What are you doing with my bottle of Hai Karate?

Data: Pointing out the Captain's foul oder like that is highly inappropriate Counsellor.

Troi: Data! I was referring to the bowl of fruit in center of the table not the Captain when I said "The fruit smells funny".

Riker: Do I really look that douchey?

Data and Picard: No comment.

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Worf: Captain, I disapprove of recreational glue use.

Riker: Hey... share the wealth, Captain.

Picard: I'm sorry, Beverly- Data couldn't be on the helm today, so I had Deanna take over.

Beverly: So THAT's where the other half of the ship went...

 

[Captain Crow]

[Beverly snoring]

Picard: HEY! WAKE UP! No sleeping on the job!

 

[Subcommander R.]

Picard: This 'eau d'sharpie' is strangely addictive...
SNIFF

Picard: Beverly! What happened?

Crusher: I accidentally found Will's stash of porn. It was horrifying!

Geordi: Uhhhh... Godzilla? No, Riker after a bottle of synthehol?

Data: I fail to see why humans find 'charades' so fascinating.

After the court-martial and execution by airlock-failure, crew-members started to wonder why Ensign Lopez was bringing chocolate milk onto the bridge.

Riker: This is trippy. I'm going to grow a beard so we can tell each other apart.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Riker: I still think this mirror makes me look fat.
Picard: I don't think it's the mirror...

 

[Alrik]

Picard: "Smells like cheap whisky."

Riker: "So, it'll drink."

Worf: "Damn straight."

Picard: "Yep, that's your G-spot alright. But do me a favor, next time set your drink down before we begin."

 

[Hedbergian]

Picard: I still can't get over this drinking problem.
Riker: I still see grown men naked.

 

[Greylock Crescent]

Riker: We figure you get Q drunk. He likes you and can't hold his liquor.

Picard: Dammit Beverly, I'm a Captain, not a doctor!

Troi: Data, why you-
Geordi: Deanna, I'm sure Data wasn't referring to your "Fresh Produce" in the metaphorical sense.
Picard: Heh. Heh. He said "metaphorical."

Ensign: It's all over you!
Picard: Yes, Ensign. That's what you said last night, too.

Data: It would appear that J.J. Abrams has struck again, sir.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Troi: "Look, I'm getting sick and tired of your snarky insinuations! Either take the damn Commander's Exam yourself or shut the hell up about it!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Your grandfather makes this? Smells like paint thinner.

RIKER: Hey, not everyone gets to grow up in a vinyard!

PICARD: Mental note, find slower acting roofies.

GEORDI: What? I just said I was a better pilot and I'm blind.

TROI: I hate all of you!

PICARD: You're not very good a breaking up. Aim for the face.

PICARD: What's this, some sort of portal into a Bizarro Universe?

DATA: Its a mirror, sir.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win...

Riker: "That... is impressive... Snorting it up one nostril and shooting it out the other. But I don't think..."
Worf: "On the other hand, if that won't deter Ambassador Troi's pursuit, nothing will."

Crusher groggy: "What just..."
Picard: "You fainted."
Crusher: "I fainted? Did you...? Hold on...? What the hell kind of first aid was that?"
Picard: "Habit... just checking for change."
Crusher: "I don't have any pockets! Pervert!"

Picard: "Great! Five years of non regulation, cleavage enhancing outfits, and now she's leaning forward!"

Stewart: "Let me guess. Your last acting gig was on a soap opera, right?"

Data: "They appear to be us, but from the future."
Picard: "But can we be certain? Maybe they are imposters."
Riker 1: "Hey, future me! What number am I thinking of?"
Riker 2: "Sixty-nine, dude!"
Riker 1: "They're us."

Picard: "All I did was ask if I could see your third breast!"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Picard: Oh Beverly, Beverly, Beverly. This drinking before noon has got to stop!

 

[bullethead]

Picard: This is what we're supposed to lead in?

 

[Gary7]

Riker: "Worf said it's a Klingon cologne, but take a whiff... That's no cologne."
Picard: "Worf, you've been boozing on the job!"

Picard: "Beverly, I know you've been working long hours, but taking a nap on the floor?"

Troi: "Data, I saw you take my beautifully ripe mango that I was going to eat later."
Laforge: "Data, quick--throw it here!"
Picard: "Alright kids, that's enough of playing with the fruit."

Picard: "Lieutenant, haven't you learned? You can't throw anything at me--my personal forcefield instantly deflects them back to the offender."

Picard: "You're right, Data. This mirror does make us look thinner."

 

[Boxyno1]

Stewart: Is this the new long screen TV?

Frakes: Yes (changes channel) Oh look, it's Star Trek - The Next Generation

 

[Isis]

Picard: "The good news is James Kirk was able to bottle his awesomeness. The bad news is awesomeness isn't so awesome after 100 years."

Picard: "C'mon, Beverly. I didn't think my rendition of Hamlet's Soliloquy was that bad."

Picard: "Ensign, when you asked me whether I'd like anything from the bar, this isn't what I had in mind."

Picard: "We look perfect. I now pronounce us ready to fight whoever's threatening us off our starboard bow."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Don't worry about it, Ensign, it's not your fault. It seems Mr. O'Brian, for some reason, finds randomly beaming tribbles into unsuspecting crewmember's pants highly amusing. I'll have another little talk with him about that."