TNG Caption This #183: Original Series Mayhem!

[LeadHead]

Hello all, many apologies for the lateness in the posting of this next contest. I've been sick the past few days and not feeling particularly funny, figured it wouldn't be fair to all of the competitors if the person judging was massively cranky due to a sore throat.

So as punishment for my tardiness, there will be 2 winners for each picture!

This contest will run through the weekend of the 23rd.

Bridge to Transporter Room 3, beam a bunch of people into the winners circle!

First up: For lying about your name, not your age. Our winner is:

CADET: Last night was fun, Tom. When can I see you again?

OTHER CADET: I thought your name was "Nick"?

NICK: Shhhhh.

Also, For showing that even the villans of episodes can have good ideas, our winner is:

Locarno: "We're a team; whatever happens, you'll all still be my friends."

Hajar: "Wesley plans on testifying against us."

Locarno: "That bastard! I'll kill him!"

Next Picture:

If only Odo had investigated Quarks prior offenses, he'd have had no trouble locking him up:

Quark: & this was all he had on him? If you ever catch me doing business with these cheap bastards, kill me

Also:

For asking the question that's on everyone's minds, our winner is:

Quark: Amazing. How do they fit so much fudge in such a small cookie?

Next Picture:

For demonstrating the Picard is not a success at everything, our winner is:

During Starfleet's pay freeze, Picard unsuccessfully attempted chiropractic on the side.

Also:

Patrick Stewart was always helpful to the other Trek casts, as evidenced by this, our winner is:

Patrick Stewart: Now pay attention, Tim! You'll need to know how to do this when you start that new job on Voyager.

Next:

For showing us the situation where the genetic modifications B'Elanna was going after in "Lineage" would be the most helpful, our winner is:

Worf: He won't notice the ridges, right?

Also:

For giving credit to those who can work their abs, our winner is:

Worf: "Just three weeks on the Ab Lounger? Very impressive."

Next Picture:

For showing that even Vulcans have a lot to learn, our winner is:

Taurik: Commander La Forge, this ship has been built upside-down. See.

[Geordi flips the Padd right-side-up]

Taurik: Oh. Nevermind.

Also:

For displaying the results of many a TrekBBS Best Character contest, our winner is:

"Geordi, it has been decided that Worf is much cooler than you are. The polls prove it."

And the "Special" Cap. Since I neglected to include Dukat in this at least at first. Since There were 2 different Dukat pics entered, there will be one winner from each picture.

First, I can't believe this look didn't catch on, our winner is:

Got 'stache?

And finally, for knowing that the Captains Chair takes a backseat to the Directors Chair, our winner is:

Stewart: "What's this? Frakes gets to direct two of the TNG feature films?"

Frakes: "That the deal buddy boy. Want some creative input?"

Stewart: "Absolutely."

Alaimo: "Jon, about that 'looks like you never met a buffet you didn't like' joke earlier."

Frakes: "Yeah, about that. I'd look to DS9 if I were you."

And now, I've been looking forward to bringing these into a contest for awhile:

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: These ships carry a Romulan invasion force and must be stopped. The Scriptures say The Romulans are supposed to suck Vulcan into a Black Hole, not invade it.

McCoy: Is That Spock?

Data: Yes, Sorry we took a detour through the holodeck.

Data: It is Green.

Scotty: Reminds me of that time Spock died. Bottoms up!

Picard: Should I shoot her?

Data: Well, she won't be seen again either way.

Sela: But I'm supposed to be a major recurring villain!

Picard: The Ferengi thought the same thing.

Scotty: Hmmmm..... I wonder if this causes a Warp Core Bre-

Warp Core Explodes

 

[Smellincoffee]

My name is Ambassador Spock, and I approve this message.
Riker, OS: I hate election season.

Data: Sir, may I inquire as to why you keep glancing over your shoulder?
McCoy: Had a little run-in with the red-head of yourn down in Sickbay. I think she wants to jump my bones.
Data: ...
McCoy: That's a joke, son.

Scotty: To getting our hands on ample nacelles!

Picard with a Dixon Hill accent: You want I should do her in, boss?
Spock: Affirmative.

 

[Captain Crow]

[zipper sound from podium]

 

[Finn]

McCoy: "You are even worse than the Vulcans. You never gain weight"

Scotty: "Did I tell you about the time I met Chris Pine on an ice planet?

Sela: You must be jealous, Captain. Those two know something about me that you never will

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: And the historical documents show I appear in the Eleventh Star Trek film and save the franchise.

RIKER: Sweet, thats gotta be one of ours!

DATA: As your anatomy seems completely intact, it is unlikely that all she left you were your bones.

DATA: And what are the advantages of swimmig with bow legged women?

SPOCK: We could use a contact my former Captain used to rid himself of "troublesome" yeomen.

SCOTTY: Aye, there was a time a could swim inside one of those.

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Spock: And JJ Abrams said, "Let there be lens flare!"

Data: Admiral, it appears that you have earwax.

Picard: Now drop your pants and touch your toes- I'll show you where the wild goose goes.

WARP CORE BREACH IN TWO MINUTES.

Scotty: Cap'n, I told you installing LCARS Vista was a bad idea.

 

[Subcommander R.]

Spock: It is logical that I shall win this staring contest.

Data: Is this my future if I were to start an aging program? Or stay on the show for another decade?

Picard: Now I'm the one with the phaser, so I have to speak in a Jimmy Stewart voice. Ambassador, you're wearing shoulderpads so you and Sela have to speak like Groucho Marx, and you Data-"

Drew Carey: [rings buzzer] Next, scenes from a hat.

Doohan: Shit, their props are so much better I want to cry.

Doohan: Well Brent, here's to your props department. I hope this margarita mix was as good as they claimed.

 

[Isis]

Kelley: "The pay was good, but isn't this Deadly Years thing getting a little old?"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "E plebnista..."

Data: "Curious. They call you Bones, and not Wrinkles..."

Data: "The last time I was intoxicated, I indulged in sexual congress with our security officer."
Scott: "That Klingon!? I'm gonna need more than a glass of this green stuff tae get that image out of ma head, lad!"

Picard: "Freeze. Don't move!"
Spock: "Captain..."
Picard: "Don't worry, I have this under control..."
Data: "Um, Captain. That is a Romulan dustbuster, not a disruptor."

Kirk: on intercom "I don't need a brolly, you wally! Beam me up!"

 

[Finn]

Data: "The last time I was intoxicated, I indulged in sexual congress with our security officer."
Scott: "That Klingon!? I'm gonna need more than a glass of this green stuff tae get that image out of ma head, lad!"

That's one of the better D/T captions I've seen in ages

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Commander, take her away and book her!

Data: Yes sir. (To Spock) Commander Takeheraway. (To Sela) Commander Booker.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: As your Captain might have said, book'em Spocko!

SPOCK (sighs): Wrong show.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Spock: It is clearly the logical conclusion that my shoulder pads are bigger.

Data: That is indeed what she said.

Picard: Don't look now, but I think this plant wants to mate with me. May I shoot it?

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "These ships carry a Romulan invasion force and must be stopped. Also, go see Star Trek VI."

Kelley: "Play your cards right and in twenty years they'll be dumping a truckload of money at you to cameo in a reboot of the franchise."

Spiner: "Really?"

Kelley: "Or you'll be getting into arguments with your cast mates through that new-fangled Internet thing. One or the other."

*Scotty gulps*

Data: "You are turning green."

Picard: "What do you mean, I can't kill her? Every time we do that, the villain comes back."

Geordi: "Wait, that's full of radiation!"

Scotty: "Laddie, I've been sterile since your great-grandfather was in diapers."

 

[milo bloom]

Data: "The last time I was intoxicated, I indulged in sexual congress with our security officer."
Scott: "That Klingon!? I'm gonna need more than a glass of this green stuff tae get that image out of ma head, lad!"

That's one of the better D/T captions I've seen in ages

You're not even kidding, I was afraid of getting in trouble here at work because I literally LOL'd.

 

[milo bloom]

So that's where Picard puts his "troublesome" yeoman.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock (irritated): "The name you are so ineptly trying to recall is 'Joan Crawford'! Now, would you kindly forget about my damned shoulder pads and let me finish my remarks!"

Data (thinking): "My God! That old man is Morgan Earp!"

Scotty: "An android, you say! Well, you're an engineering marvel, for sure! What I wouldn't give to take you apart, bolt by bolt, and see what makes you tick!"
Data (shouting): "I need an adult!"

Picard: "Should we stun her or take her with us?"
Data: "I vote we take her with us. I have been jonesing for a second go-round with Tasha for quite some time now."

Scotty: "Damn, no hibernating Sigourney Weaver in there! Still, if I hadn't checked, I would have always wondered."

 

[Isis]

Scotty: "Ya' mean there's still more of those miner laddies? I've heard of milking something for all it's worth, but this is ridiculous."

 

[Isis]

Scotty: "Ya' mean there's still more of those miner laddies? I've heard of milking something for all it's worth, but this is ridiculous."

Seriously, yay, Chilean miners! It's a refreshing change to have a news story with such a positive outcome.