TNG Caption This #183: Original Series Mayhem!

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "I don't see any ears on you boy, but you sound like a Vulcan."
Data: "I am an android."
McCoy: "Good thing for your life expectancy that Jim Kirk is dead, then."

 

[Alrik]

A twofer?! Thanks LH!

Variation on a theme:

Nimoy: "Just so we're clear Rick, I do this and Adam gets a two episode gig, right?"

 

[Alrik]

Picard: "What do you think Spock? Stun her and then make our escape?"

Spock: "Captain, would that not be over doing it? I believe binding and gagging her should suffice."

Picard: "You do realize that she called you a half breed when you were in the other room, don't you?"

Spock: "I see, in that case, set on maximum. Let's roll."

 

[Isis]

Spock: "And for four easy payments of $59.99 each, you can learn to speak Vulcan like a native. Operators are standing by. If you call within the next 10 minutes, we'll also throw in a copy of the recent best seller, Logic Problems Guaranteed to Impress Your Blind Date."

 

[Isis]

Scotty: "I was told to ask for someone named Guinan."

Data: "Sorry, but she walked off in a huff. She's been doing that a bit this week. And if she happens to ask which wing you prefer, just don't pick the one on the right."

Sela (to Spock): "Nice schmata. Who's your couturier?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Geordi, offscreen: We've been testing new dilithium crystals from Pfizer.

Scotty: Uh lad, how long has the warp core been like this?

Geordi, offscreen: A little over four hours.

Scotty: You might want to call a Doctor or something.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Data:"If I may sir you look quite good for some one of 135 yrs of age"
McCoy (whispers)"I masturbate a lot."

 

[Isis]

Scotty: "I'm glad to see that people still drink alcohol in the 24th Century."

Data: "They don't. If the menu says Long Island lemonade, it is Long Island lemonade."

Scotty (to self): "And they have the nerve to charge 100 credits for this."

 

[Isis]

Scotty: "Hey, this stuff tastes familiar."

Data: "It does?"

Scotty: "Oh, I recognize this now. It's left over from the TOS caption contest from two weeks ago."

 

[LeadHead]

Scotty was shocked to discover that Q had been using the Warp Core to store his drugs.

 

[Mistral]

"Hello, my name is Spock and I'm an alcoholic."

"Oh, my, God! I just realized-I'm an alcoholic!"

"My name's Scotty, and yes I'd like another-can't you spot an alcoholic when you see one?"

Data : "I have never seen one this fat before. Do you think your stomach will explode before your liver?"

Scotty : "Laddie, there's only one way to find out!"

Picard: Should I shoot her?

Data: Well, she won't be seen again either way.

Spock : "You are pointing at the computer station. Might I suggest shoving that up her butt before you pull the trigger?"

Picard : "Have you been drinking again?"

Scotty(thinking) :

"Aye, the Orions are going to pay a lot for this batch. Hmm, the warp core seems to have given it a faintly radioactive blue color. Well, I'll just call it...Romulan ale. No one knows what the Romulans look like anyway."

 

[Alrik]

Data (thinking): "Note to self, disengage aging program."

Scotty: "Here's to ye lad."

Data: "Sir, it is common knowledge that real men drink from the bottle, glasses are for wusses."

Scotty: "Up your shaft."

Scotty: "Commander, how long do I set this bloody thing for to make Hot Pockets?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Scotty: "I know Federation starships like the back of my hand! Wait -- this idn't thee sonic popcorn maker..."

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: This is Ambassador Spock of Vulcan, and I'd like to talk to you about the Enterprising Mini Gym...

 

[Hedbergian]

Spock: Good morning. I have called this press conference, as some-ONE- or some-THING- has pee'd ... in my Wheaties. I love my Wheaties. And I want the $4.99 back that I paid for the box. Now, after setting this phaser to kill, I'll take some of your questions. Please try not to be a smartass.