Thoughts on women proposing to men
- Thread starter Sophie74656
- Start date
I only read one page because I have to get back, so if this is repeated, sorry. Usually marriages fail because people don't consider all the aspects in what role they will play and how money is reserved, how many kids, how to raise the kids-aren't discussed until that time hits. Or people hide certain parts of themselves and they come to light.
When I got divorced I didn't want to remarry. It seems to be a disease in our community. Then it occurred to me why I was afraid. When people get married, consciously or unconciously, people change their view of how the roles should be. Does that make sense? What I'm saying is, people's expectations of each other change once the ring is on. This could potentially spell disaster if neither party talked about their world view on marriage.
"Wait--you thought I'd do/be abc because now I'm the wife/husband?" Once I thought about what my expectations would be and my boyfriend and I swap those concerns/expectations, I'm not afraid anymore because we communicated what we expect and then we decided for us what is reasonable. If there were too many clashes we'd just part ways before we got deep into the trenches and kids get involved or feelings get really hurt.
When I got divorced I didn't want to remarry. It seems to be a disease in our community. Then it occurred to me why I was afraid. When people get married, consciously or unconciously, people change their view of how the roles should be. Does that make sense? What I'm saying is, people's expectations of each other change once the ring is on. This could potentially spell disaster if neither party talked about their world view on marriage.
"Wait--you thought I'd do/be abc because now I'm the wife/husband?" Once I thought about what my expectations would be and my boyfriend and I swap those concerns/expectations, I'm not afraid anymore because we communicated what we expect and then we decided for us what is reasonable. If there were too many clashes we'd just part ways before we got deep into the trenches and kids get involved or feelings get really hurt.
I'm really very interested in what you're saying, I've never been married and I don't really understand. I'd so love if you'd explain further, if it's too personal but you'd be willing to share in private I'd still love to talk more, I am very deeply curious and you seem so very wise and experienced.
Sure. But my experience is only limited to a certain stage in my life. Young childless marriage. But sure I'l PM you when I have a few minutes. (I pop on a lot just to quick drop thoughts and head off again)
I'm really hoping she's been too busy celebrating all weekend!I'm so excited for an update.
hey guys, so basically he did say yes, but he wants to wait a little bit to actually get married.
I am glad he said yes, but how long does he want to wait? Couples counselling might be a good idea, sometimes a neutral third party can help resolve issues.
Probably a couple of months
Did he give you a set date, probably seems a bit vague.
Nothing wrong with that! Planning is everything...
Next Q...How big was the Rock?
To a man, that's not waiting at all. You did a good job!
i didn't get him a ring.
I'm guessing in a couple of months he'll have a ring and will propose back to me
Can't wait until you guys start planning. I love wedding talk. Congrats Sophie!
Thanks 
Since this will be my 2nd marriage i don't want a big wedding. I want just to go to town hall and do the paperwork then have a dinner or small party for immediate family.
Since this will be my 2nd marriage i don't want a big wedding. I want just to go to town hall and do the paperwork then have a dinner or small party for immediate family.
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