Just wondering what thoughts on this are. I know there's no reason a woman can't propose to a guy, it should be equal. Backstory, my boyfriend and I are going on almost 2 years both previously divorced, both in our mid 30s. We've talked about marriage and that we both want to end up there. I would like to star a family very soon considering my age. He's nervous about taking the next step. Sometimes I think I should just be the one to propose, but I do want the propsal and ring and stuff just getting it off my chest I guess.
Oh dear do you know why he isn't proposing if you've talked about wanting marriage and family and you both feel the same way? Is he just sort of shy and nervous about actually saying it? If like it's that, I'd feel it'd be lovely to ask him to marry you! But do you think he's more afraid of like actually getting married to you? I'm sort of confused about his feelings, you know what I mean? I've been reading stories lately about women proposing to boyfriends, and I'm finding it's like a lot more common than you'd think. I don't see why you still couldn't get a ring, you could get whatever one you wanted? Are you afraid he'd be embarrassed in the future saying you proposed to him, like he'd feel like less of a man or something? I feel like if I've talked to my boyfriend about marriage and family, and he and are are both on the same page about everything important, and I know he would love to marry me, and I don't feel I'd have a problem really about like while sitting and talking to him, asking him "Would you like to get married to me?", and then we could start talking about plans, and I could go get a ring I like, and I wouldn't feel anything lost from doing that. I feel I'd really rather have that then some big stunt he's recording to put on YouTube, you know what I mean?
Simples, do it. Clearly if you've already had the conversation and that's where he wants to be, why wouldn't you propose? I think we are passed the point where it's "his role" and if he loves you what matters is you both want this, not who took the initiative. If he's nervous, afraid of rejection, scared of being hurt by whatever caused his divorce being part of a vicious cycle then you've taken that responsibility away from him. If, on the other hand, he is vacillating because he has doubts at least they'll be drawn out into the open. Just my two cents worth, but I'm a man who was proposed to, lol!
I guess he's afraid of things ending badly like with his first marriage. I get that. My marriage ended badly as well. That's kind of how I've been thinking about it. Just to bring it up and make plans, maybe have a ringpop on me to be cute
I've asked him if he has any doubts or concerns about me specifically. I think we're both kind of assuming history will repeat each other even though things are completely different for both of us this time around. He has said he's thought about asking but then chickened out.
Hey, if it was good enough for Queen Victoria when she proposed to Albert... Mind you, that was due to protocol. Since her rank was higher than his, she had to do the proposing. She would have preferred it the other way around (at least according to the TV series), and was extremely nervous that she would mess it up and he'd say no.
So if you’ve talked about marriage, and you’re agreed you’re heading that way, it’s just a matter of logistical practicalities. I’d forgo the big scary proposal thing and just go straight to the ‘what day’s this wedding then?’
In principle, there is nothing wrong with a woman asking. In practice, it depends on the people involved.
For me I feel I'd rather pick out my own, lol. And like when we get married we're going to combine finances anyway, right? I feel that whole engagement ring thing is from a bygone era where he needs to prove he'll be able to support you financially?
I'm not sure if we will combine money or not. I know that if I pick out the ring I will be very focused on how much it costs. I probably will end up with something I won't like as much but that will cost less. If he gets it he won't be as concerned about the cost.
I have a difficult time imagining a marriage without combining finances, how do you feel that'd work? I'm genuinely curious. Why do you think he might feel emasculated? I don't really understand? We need @Spot261's story!
our brief discussion about the matter involved having a joint accound for expenses like rent and food and the each have our own money for our own things like phones and fun stuff. We do this now and it's working for us. We each have a portion of our checks deposited into a joint account and I pay our rent and bills with that. We have different views on money, I'm much more frugal than he is. My ex and I only had one shared account.
I feel what I'd want to do is have a joint account for paychecks, and pay all our bills and everything, and have our savings and such, and each of us get an equal allowance in our own private accounts for our individual spending, but I really would believe it should be totally equal so it's fair. I don't know, to me it sounds like you are combining money to pay for things after all?
yes we have a joint account but we each have our own money too. Like if he gets a new video game that would come out of "his" money, rent food and trips come out of "our" money. We have direct deposit set up on both of our paychecks were a set amount goes into the joint accound and the rest goes into our individual accounts. What we've discussed is increasing how much goes into the joint account.
Own money. I remember that... We had joint accounts as soon as we started living together, and only now are we at a stage where we can set money aside for ourselves. Having your own money is important, but it takes a back seat while you’re accumulating debt to pay for childcare, but it’s good to put money aside for ones self every now and then.