Then she started crying...

[ed629]

long story story short.... this female has been coming onto me heavily. From the first time I met her she's been throwing herself at me over the last month or so .. so I figured what the hell... go for it. Go over to her place and we're.. in thw throes of passion when she starts crying... I thought she was into it... then realized she was crying.... but since I was at that point I finish up...

Should I feel guilty? Every step of the way she threw herself at me... was all over me.. until that moment... It took others to point out she was throwing her self at me... I really don't feel one way or another for her other than a lay..... so here I am wondering did I do wring considering she's the one that threw herself at me. Afterwards I went home and slept without any problem.

 

[SilentP]

...a little bit more background to the woman may help us (and probably you) understand what the **** is happening in this situation.

 

[Australis]

Did you even think to ask her?

 

[SilentP]

Did you even think to ask her?

This being the main thing...

Guess I should be more direct

 

[Australis]

Yeah!

--Australis (subtlety not a strong suit)

 

[pookha]

... I really don't feel one way or another for her other than a lay.....

she may have been in love with you or thought she was.
as you two were doing it it hit her that this had no meaning to you beyond just a casual
lay.

it might have been nice if you had really sat down with her and talked things over first/.
about how others saw her behavour. did she have feelings for you.
did this go beyond some crush physical attraction.

be upfront that there are no feelings from you about her.

do the above with a touch of grace and understanding.

if there were real feelings toward you she would have had a chance to back off
off if you had told her the above.
it is a pretty damn empty feeling to know that some one you had feelings for is just using for means nothing to them sex.

but then..

if the attraction was just a phyiscal thing she might have still acted on it.

 

[Deckerd]

It was disappointment.

 

[Rii]

Did you even think to ask her?

That shit only happens in Hollywood!

 

[Australis]

It was disappointment.

This being the main thing...

Guess I should be more direct.

 

[Pingfah]

long story story short.... this female has been coming onto me heavily. From the first time I met her she's been throwing herself at me over the last month or so .. so I figured what the hell... go for it. Go over to her place and we're.. in thw throes of passion when she starts crying... I thought she was into it... then realized she was crying.... but since I was at that point I finish up...

Should I feel guilty? Every step of the way she threw herself at me... was all over me.. until that moment... It took others to point out she was throwing her self at me... I really don't feel one way or another for her other than a lay..... so here I am wondering did I do wring considering she's the one that threw herself at me. Afterwards I went home and slept without any problem.

Hard to say without more info, but it sounds like she was probably throwing herself at you to take her mind off something else. Something that came to the fore during your encounter when presumably she realised it was making her feel worse about herself instead of better.

 

[Shaw]

I'm amazed that anyone can use other people this casually. Maybe this is the norm for many of you guys, but I can't imagine treating others as disposable.

Should I feel guilty?

... Afterwards I went home and slept without any problem.

If the correct feelings weren't there to begin with, asking others how you should have felt after the fact is rather pointless. If you lack empathy for someone else, I doubt it can be genuinely added by consulting others.

 

[Deckerd]

I think he was just boasting about getting laid.

 

[Hermiod]

I'm amazed that anyone can use other people this casually. Maybe this is the norm for many of you guys, but I can't imagine treating others as disposable.

Should I feel guilty?

... Afterwards I went home and slept without any problem.

If the correct feelings weren't there to begin with, asking others how you should have felt after the fact is rather pointless. If you lack empathy for someone else, I doubt it can be genuinely added by consulting others.

She came on to him.

 

[SilentP]

I think he was just boasting about getting laid.

If that's the case, then it seems he fails at boasting.

 

[Deckerd]

It is a problem though. Do you just casually drop it into a conversation or do you start a faux dilemma thread?

 

[SilentP]

Considering some of the threads that get started here, I wouldn't be surprised to see one created, just so the originator can declare a notch has been added to the bedpost

 

[Shaw]

She came on to him.

I've had lots of women make advances towards me... it doesn't change who I was at my core. If I had no feelings for them, it never proceeded any further.

Of course the dilemma for me is that I can't make love to a woman I don't love. Sex without caring seems like it would be an empty experience (at least for me).

Fortunately it isn't an issue I've had to worry about in the last 23 years... but if I ever found myself single again, I doubt I'd be willing to engage in meaningless relationships after knowing the joys of meaningful ones.

But that is me... like I said, I'm sure that using others for sex is most likely the norm for many. And sadly taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable quite common.

 

[Pingfah]

It is a problem though. Do you just casually drop it into a conversation or do you start a faux dilemma thread?

It hardly sounds like something to show off about. By the sounds of it she was having a thoroughly shitty time and when he realised his partner was crying he "finished up" anyway.

That's not sex, you might as well wank into a sock.

 

[Koinek]

I think any decent, caring human being might have asked what was making her so sad, romantic interest or no. Sorry to be so judgmental but that is how I feel. If she opens a can of crazy, back away slowly and perhaps refer her to someone who can help if so inclined. But I think it is important to ask, if only to hear the other person out.

 

[TheGodBen]

Yeah, you probably should have asked her why you were crying, even if only because you wanted tips to improve your technique.