The Current Joke Thread

[Colonel Midnight]

What’s the trick to making Holy Water?

Boil the Hell out of it.

Cheers,
-CM-

 

[Weyoun 251]

Did you hear about the Vulcans trapped on Earth during the gold rush?

Their motto was live long and prospect

What do Trekkie construction workers say when erecting scaffolding?

Beam me up Scotty

I heard a rumour that Annika Hansen was married to a Mormon

Apparently she was wife 7 of 9

 

[Commander Troi]

*GROAN!!!!*

 

[Weyoun 251]

*GROAN!!!!*

I'm not even slightly sorry for how "dad joke" they are - that is half their appeal for me!

Just like how when the crew of the Enterprise had forgotten to sort the presents for the Starfleet Christmas party - after stopping off at Deep Space 7 to buy them from Capt Kirk then ordered the crew to go to Wrap speed

 

[HIjol]

Why was Star Trek so successful?
It had good Gene’s!

(Not my own Genesis (!) I stole it!)

 

[Australis]

This is a shocking thread (see what I did there?)

 

[publiusr]

A fastidious Belgian boarder patrol agent was pouring over his clipboard as a couple arrived:

Nationality?

“German.”

Occupation?

“Not today-we’re just visiting.”

 

[Weyoun 251]

What's the difference between Weyoun and a cat...

Weyoun only had 8 lives

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A minister is interviewing three couples - one young, one middle-aged, one elderly - for prospective admission into his church. He tells them that they have to abstain from sex for a period of two weeks.
After the two weeks go by, he calls them all into his office again and asks them how it went.

The elderly couple tell him that they had no problem going without sex for two weeks.

The middle-aged couple say that the first week was a problem but then they decided to move to separate beds and then they got through the last week.

The young husband says: "Well, reverend, I thought we would get through the whole time, but on the last day my wife was reaching up to get a light bulb off the top shelf. Then it fell on the floor and broke and my wife bent over to clean it up and...well I couldn't contain myself any longer and we made love right there on the floor."

The minister says, "Well, I'm sorry, but you're not welcome in my church."

"That's okay, reverend," the young wife says. "I don't think we'll be welcome in that Home Depot either."

 

[Sgt_G]

My wife read a meme the other day: Life is not a fairy-tale; if you lose your shoe at midnight, you're probably just drunk.

 

[Sgt_G]

Bad Dad Joke Warning:



A man goes into a bank and pulls a gun. He says, Give me all the money and don't go for the alarm, or you'll be geography!"

The teller replies, "Don't you mean history?"

The man says, "Hey, now, don't change the subject!"

 

[HIjol]

Ok, that was pretty “currently-eventfully” funny…

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Q:What salary do ice skaters get?
A:A figure rate.

 

[Colonel Midnight]

Q: What makes squid jokes so dang funny?

A: I don’t know, but a good one will Kraken you up.

Cheers,
-CM-

 

[Oddish]

My mind sometimes wanders, but being a small mind, it never wanders too far.

 

[Colonel Midnight]

Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help.

"Superman, we need your help! A wall has collapsed in the basement and some workmen are trapped!" says the Minister.

"No way" said Superman "I'm not going anywhere near the crypt tonight".


Cheers,
-CM-

 

[Rowdy Roddy McDowall]

I read a funny though culturally insensitive joke two nights ago. It's not current at all. It's from a very exciting 1983 novel. It involves a 360-degree retreat. I'll say no more sans prodding.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Senator Vreenak goes to a hardware store to buy lawn care gear. He walks up to the counter and says:

"It's a RAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

 

[Oddish]

Weyoun only had 8 lives

That we know of.

JANEWAY: "Happy birthday, Harry. What would you like for a present."
KIM: "A pet unicorn, captain."
JANEWAY: "That's going to be difficult, ensign. There aren't even any unicorns on Earth, much less the Delta Quadrant."
KIM: "In that case, I'd like a promotion, captain."
JANEWAY: "Do you want a white unicorn or a pink unicorn?"

 

[Kai "the spy"]