Tell your best clean Star Trek joke

[Jetboogieman]

One for the engineering nerds.

What do you get if you cross a Quantum Flux Capacitor with an Anti-Graviton Emitter?

Shades of Gray.

 

[CorporalClegg]

"Revenge" is the only flavor offered at Qo'noS Baskin-Robbins.

 

[Forbin]

From sometime back in the 70s...

Kirk: "Kirk to Enterprise! Emergency!"
Scotty: "Enterprise here."
Kirk: "Scotty! Beam us up! We're surrounded by alien monsters, a poison gas cloud is coming, there's a forest fire all around us! Scotty!"
Scotty: "Ya mean ta say 'Captain' Scott, don't ye?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

How many 20th century humans does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, they keep murdering each other for profit and conquest, those SAVAGE UNEVOLVED MONKEYS!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

What do members of the Dominion like to put on their toast?

JAM Hadar.

 

[CorporalClegg]

If JdL ever wrote an advice column, what would he call it?

"Q-Tips"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Kirk, Janeway and Archer walk into an airlock.

The the temporal agent says 'End program'.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

reggiedawg raised a Pull Request against holodeck-safeties

/holodeck/safety-protocols/main/SafetyController
- if(safety = off)
+ if(safety == off)

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Revenge" is the only flavor offered at Qo'noS Baskin-Robbins.

Yes, but is it served cold? ;-)


And no "Blood of Your Enemy"?

 

[retroenzo]

Yes, but is it served cold? ;-)

Nope, with custard.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

What's the most popular reality TV show in the Dominion?

Keeping Up with the Cardassians.

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[Bad Thoughts]

I know that this is some sort of joke, but I still struggle to understand it:

In hopes of receiving some help before making a difficult personal decision, Commander William T. Riker of the Enterprise-D observes a holodeck simulation of the final mission of the original starship Enterprise, as commanded by Jonathan Archer, in the days immediately preceding the birth of the United Federation of Planets over two centuries earlier. (Series Finale)

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Q: What is Akuta's favorite Earth sport?
A: Vaal-eyball!

Q:What would you have gotten if Marla McGivers gave a painting class to the occupants of the Botany Bay?
A: A Khan artist!

 

[Greg Cox]

What did McCoy say when Kirk was turned into a zombie?

"He's Jim, dead!"

(An old gag I heard at a convention eons ago.)

 

[VulcanMindBlown]

reggiedawg raised a Pull Request against holodeck-safeties

/holodeck/safety-protocols/main/SafetyController
- if(safety = off)
+ if(safety == off)

I don't get the joke.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Q: What did Leonard McCoy say when he looked at his school schedule and saw that phys-ed was his next class?
A: "Darn it, gym."

@Greg Cox you can share that one next time.

 

[Greg Cox]

Q: What did Leonard McCoy say when he looked at his school schedule and saw that phys-ed was his next class?
A: "Darn it, gym."

@Greg Cox you can share that one next time.

I'll keep that in mind!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

I don't get the joke.

Programming joke, mistaking assignment equals for equivalence equals is a common source of hard to trace bugs. In this case, Barcalay is raising a pull request fixing the bug that was setting safeties to off when it only meant to checking safeties were off.

 

[Mojochi]

Why did Quark open his bar on DS9?

He heard the wormhole was full of profits

 

[retroenzo]

What's the difference between Kardashians and Cardassians?

One's an evil lizard life form intent on conquering humanity.
The other's on Star Trek...