Star Trek XI Caption Contest #5: Coinkidinks

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

I've made a command decision on the caption contests I do: no more running tallies on wins. It drives me up a damned wall doing the changes every week, and I want these to be fun rather than a chore.

If anyone else wants to post a running tab, that's fine with me. I just can't do it.

Anyways, this past week was epic. And we've gone beyond snorting liquid and moved to trail mix in the sinuses. Can shit pants be far behind?

My favorites were:

"I am unfamiliar with this man's bicycle."

Princess Leia: "Help me, Captain Robau! You're my only hope!"

Even Nero couldn't believe it wasn't butter.

Nero, Corporate Efficiency Consultant: "FIRE EVERYBODY!"

"SPOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!!"

Ayel: Hey Assface, I've picked up a federation starship.
Assface Nero: [fart sounds]
Ayel: But, Sir.
Assface Nero: [louder fart sounds]

"Who mixed up the ketchup and red matter again! What a world, what a world."

REBOOT EVERYTHING!!!!!

Nero: "I can explain this...no...really. Um, just give me a minute."

Nero: "Tiger Woods was a great man...but that was another wife!"

Man, those were great. Nicely played, everyone.

This week's bit is:

And the oddity:

Have fun.

Joe, fin

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "The other me has hair?"

Uhura: "OPRAH'S ON!"

 

[Gepard]

Thanks for the wins! I'm surprised, though that you picked my weakest caption.

Scotty: "C'mon, do it."

Keenser: "No."

Scotty: "Please?"

Keenser: "I said no."

Scotty: "You did it for last year's graduating class."

Keener: [grumbles]

Scotty: "Mr. Spock will love it."

Keener: [sighs, singing] "Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, you great big greedy nincompoop..."

The new Constitution-class anti-gravity hallways make panty shots 50% more efficient.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Pegg: "Hi. I'm Simon Pegg and this is Bea Arthur. We're here for the Star Trek auditions."

Uhura: "Outta my way, Hennessy! And I swear to God if you try to catch a reflection off this floor up my skirt again as I go by, I'll kick your balls up into your throat!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "What arsehole told you I was a drug dealer?"

No matter how far she ran, Saldana couldn't find the rest of her costume.

 

[Plomeek Broth]

Leggy Uhura Hightails It from the Evil Lense Flare Monster

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Cruel Crewman: "Hey, Stick! If Nichelle Nichols had tried to run like that, she'd have knocked herself unconscious!"

 

[LeadHead]

Get Ellen Degeneres in here and we're all set.

Sulu: (offscreen) 5 bucks says she crashes into the cart.
Chekov: (offscreen) You're on.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Kirk: [Offscreen] "Is it a fast ship?"

Scotty: "Are ye kidding? This bonny lass is the ship that made tha Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs."

Kirk: "Bullshit."

Scotty: "Up yer shaft."

Running Spock: "Bitch is stealing my gig!"

Uhura: "Must... hurry... before... free food sample stand... closes. Must... stop... talking like SHATNER!"

 

[Franklin]

Average Trek BBS poster's first take on this picture: She looks photo-shopped.

Uhura (to herself as she runs to Spock's quarters): It's pon farr time! It's pon farr time!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Uhura: Where the fuck is the ladies' room on this ship?!

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "You eat like a bean and you're done!"

Keenser (thinking): Guess he doesn't know my species are cannibals.

Saldana (thinking): Cameron didn't make me do all this running shit for Avatar.

 

[Franklin]

In between takes:
Pegg: It's a big laugh line, Roy. I wanna get it right when we film the scene. Let me run a few more by you. How about, I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting.
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's bleeding exciting!
Deep Roy: Don't improvise.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: Did it.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: Worst yet.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: Got it.
Pegg: Thanks.

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Hang on; he always needs me to hold his hand when I take him to the bathroom for tinkies."

 

[trampledamage]

In between takes:
Pegg: It's a big laugh line, Roy. I wanna get it right when we film the scene. Let me run a few more by you. How about, I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting.
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's bleeding exciting!
Deep Roy: Don't improvise.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: No.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: Did it.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: Worst yet.
Pegg: I like this ship! It's exciting!
Deep Roy: Got it.
Pegg: Thanks.

Brilliant!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: No, Keenser is not my girlfriend!

KEENSER: Thats not what you said last night.

 

[scottydog]

Scotty: "Are ye daft? It's not soccer, it's football."

 

[scottydog]

Uhura: "This photoshop doesn't make any sense! Why am I running toward an owl?"

 

[scottydog]

Uhura: "Much better, no hooters in sight."

Man: "You got that right."

 

[Isis]

Scotty (to himself): "I'm never going to work with one of these cabbage-heads again. This guy only bathes once a decade."