Star Trek XI Caption Contest #24: Best Laid Plans

[Rat Boy]

Strike a pose, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's go easy on...

What's up, Doc?

McCoy: "Risa? To hell with Risa, kid! You ever heard of a little place called Wrigley's Pleasure Planet?"

McCoy: "They got STDs there that even you haven't heard of!!!!"

Kirk: ( to camera): He don't know me very well, do he?"

Oh, the hypocrisy!

WHAT!?!? Oh, like you two didn't want to do the same thing within ten minutes of meeting him!

Oh, there's a good sign...

Kirk: Welcome aboard everyone, almost all of you moved up to your positions because your predecessors were killed or disabled. But I'm sure we'll all do just fine. I have nothing but faith in all of you.

Officer falls over

Kirk: Cleanup in aisle 3.

Congratulations to the winners. Before we get going, I've got an announcement to make. Obviously, with this contest being centered around only one movie for the foreseeable future, it means we have not as much material to cull through. Therefore, until J.J. Abram's Star Trek 2: Dilithium Boogaloo gets rolling, I'm extending the length of the contest to a full month and dialing the number of pictures back to two. In this month's edition, Sulu and Chekov pass the time by playing I Spy while Leonard Nimoy shows Chris Pine the finer points of dealing with unrulely fans. Have at and see you in 2011:

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: "You feel like we were just in front of a view screen? And won't this get Photoshopped nine ways to Sunday?"

Chekov: "Photoshop vas inwented in Russia."

Pine: "My fans call themselves the 'Pine Nuts.'"

Nimoy: "Interesting. Mine call themselves the 'Bifurcaters.'"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Nimoy: "You know, I know Bill Shatner. I've worked with Bill Shatner. Bill Shatner is a friend of mine. Kid, you're no Bill Shatner!"
Pine: "Oh, yeah? Well, you're no Martin Landau! What dya think of that?"

 

[Finn]

Spock: "...Oh, and when you find a ship called Botany Bay, have my younger self access the computer and set a course for Ceti Alpha VI"

nuKirk: "Why"

Spock: "...If you want grandkids....and torpodeo landings can be a bitch".

 

[UFO]

Pike: Sorry Sulu. All I know is they beamed in Chekov's work-station pre-assembled to save time and there was some sort of transporter malfunction …

Sulu: Oh right! So you just figured the "Asian" kid can probably read right to left?

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Sulu! There's a man on the saucer section! Look!"

Sulu: "Oh for crying out loud! The gay jokes are getting a little out of control."

 

[UFO]

Spock: I don't remember Delta Vega being this cold.

Kirk: What?

 

[bullethead]

Kirk: How come we can't do that?

Spock: I love Italian.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Spock: I disagree gentlemen, this situation is not as bad as that time I strangled the captain half to death in a fit of sexual arousal.
Kirk: What?
Spock: Or when engineer Scott was put on trial for knifing a lap dancer to death.
Scotty: What?

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Shot of sulu turning round is used over and over again in next films.

Spock: Yeah, transwarp beaming, you discover that in 24th century after being frozen in a transporter beam (turns to camera) happy now?? Friggin Nerds.

Spock: Anyways, while I'm here I might as well tell you guys about all the stuff that's gonna happen that you can prevent. Hope you got a pen and paper. Right. Don't go near the edge of the galaxy, seriously it'll screw stuff up. McCoy's ex-girlfriend is in fact a salt vampire, watch out for that. Leave Charlie X back on the planet, it'll save time. Balock is in fact a creature testing you, don't worry about it, he's nice. Harry mudd is giving women beauty drugs, make sure you actually lock him up properly, or he'll be back. Don't use the transporter on the planet Alpha 177 take a shuttle, bring McCoy, saves time worrying about injuries. Nurse chapel's boyfriend is a robot. Only the children are immune to the disease. The inmates have taken over the asylum. The psi 2000 disease is caused by water intoxication. Make sure captain pike doesn't get got by delta radiation. Karidian is kodos and his daughter is a killer. The romulans look like vulcans and they have a cloaking device. The planet on omicron delta is a amusement park. Don't send a shuttle to Murasaki 312. Trelane is a child. Don't kill the gorn, it's a test by the metrons. Careful round black stars. Ben finney will go crazy if he doesn't get a promotion, just saying. Landru is a computer, destroy it. Don't beam on the botany bay, it contains left over augments. Destroy the disintergration booths. Anger gets rid of the spores. The horta is trying to protect it's babies. The organians are non-corporeal. Lazarus is from another dimension. Make sure you are careful with cordozine. The creatures on Deneva can be killed by ultraviolet radiation. Tell T'Pau to deal with it and get down to business. The temple is the source of Apollo's power. Trick Nomad and the M-5 with logical puzzles, never fails. There's a mirror universe where everyone is evil, if you don't want to go there, don't beam through a ion storm. Vaal is a computer, fire phasers at it. There is a giant doomsday machine that eats planets, just put a starship and set a warp core explosion. You'll need to pilot it into the machine's maw. Get the transmuter. Zefram Cochrane is still alive, he's on Gamma Canaris N. Thelev is a orion, Sarek will need a heart operation... Tell you what, I'll write it down for you

 

[UFO]

Kirk: "Sulu! There's a man on the saucer section! Look!"

Sulu: "Oh for crying out loud! The gay jokes are getting a little out of control."

Cho: Oh hell, I think I've caught "gayness" from playing the same straight part that a gay actor did!

 

[LeadHead]

Sulu: Warp 3 Sir.

Spock: Good, we are now waaaaaaaaay out of transporter range of Kirk. This ship is officially mine!

Spock: I have come back in time for an important purpose.

Kirk: What is it?

Spock uses Nerve pinch on Kirk

Spock: To keep you from stealing my bike!

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: I love Italian.

Spock: And so do you.

Kirk: Yes.

 

[Captain Crow]

Pine: Pervy old dude quit rubbing my leg.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Sulu: Warp 3, Captain.

Chekov: Cool, I don't even have my drivers license yet and I'm navigating a ship at warp speed!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Sulu: For crying out loud, even my own station is infested with lens flares!

Chekov: At least you don't have to use a fake accent that sounds like you're coughing up a live eel.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Anton Yelchin: "So you got George Takei's part, eh? Well, don't worry. I hear they're planning to lower your voice an octave or two in post production."
John Cho: "STFU, Noob!"

 

[Gaith]

Spock: I have come back in time for an important purpose.

Kirk: What is it?

Spock uses Nerve pinch on Kirk

Spock: To keep you from stealing my bike!

Wow, that's nerdy. Awesome!

Spock: Anyways, while I'm here I might as well tell you guys about all the stuff that's gonna happen that you can prevent. Hope you got a pen and paper. Right. Don't go near the edge of the galaxy, seriously it'll screw stuff up. McCoy's ex-girlfriend is in fact a salt vampire, watch out for that. Leave Charlie X back on the planet, it'll save time. Balock is in fact a creature testing you, don't worry about it, he's nice. Harry mudd is giving women beauty drugs, make sure you actually lock him up properly, or he'll be back. Don't use the transporter on the planet Alpha 177 take a shuttle, bring McCoy, saves time worrying about injuries. Nurse chapel's boyfriend is a robot. Only the children are immune to the disease. The inmates have taken over the asylum. The psi 2000 disease is caused by water intoxication. Make sure captain pike doesn't get got by delta radiation. Karidian is kodos and his daughter is a killer. The romulans look like vulcans and they have a cloaking device. The planet on omicron delta is a amusement park. Don't send a shuttle to Murasaki 312. Trelane is a child. Don't kill the gorn, it's a test by the metrons. Careful round black stars. Ben finney will go crazy if he doesn't get a promotion, just saying. Landru is a computer, destroy it. Don't beam on the botany bay, it contains left over augments. Destroy the disintergration booths. Anger gets rid of the spores. The horta is trying to protect it's babies. The organians are non-corporeal. Lazarus is from another dimension. Make sure you are careful with cordozine. The creatures on Deneva can be killed by ultraviolet radiation. Tell T'Pau to deal with it and get down to business. The temple is the source of Apollo's power. Trick Nomad and the M-5 with logical puzzles, never fails. There's a mirror universe where everyone is evil, if you don't want to go there, don't beam through a ion storm. Vaal is a computer, fire phasers at it. There is a giant doomsday machine that eats planets, just put a starship and set a warp core explosion. You'll need to pilot it into the machine's maw. Get the transmuter. Zefram Cochrane is still alive, he's on Gamma Canaris N. Thelev is a orion, Sarek will need a heart operation... Tell you what, I'll write it down for you

Love it... feeling the urge to make it a poster...

 

[Captain Crow]

Sulu: You'd think someone within the last three centuries would have come up with glare free monitor technology by now.

 

[Vassa]

Thanks for the win!

Since Spock has covered most of it, I'll just try my hand at this one.

Sulu: Well, at least the chairs are comfortable.

Checkov: Also inwented in Russia.

Sulu: You're a Savant aren't you?