Yeah, I understand what you are saying. I just don't think they have really shown that Gray is separate from just memories and "real". I guess the holoship thing is one bit of proof, but they haven't even tried to explain how Gray is still there and why he is any different from the other symbiote memories. WHY isn't he just a collection of past host memories like all the rest of the symbiote memories?
And I think it does matter if it is the same Gray or not. Sure you can program a synth and, based on the degree of self-awareness shown by the most advanced synths (for example, not those on Mars), they should be considered alive/people. But just having a living synth with Gray's memories doesn't make it Gray. It needs to be an actual "transference"/copy of the Gray entity while alive or recently enough after death, or an exact reproduction (memoires and brain structure) of Gray with sufficient fidelity to the original entity, otherwise it is just like Data holding the colonists memories and records from before the Crystalline entity, or B-4 holding Data's memories, or any Trill when they move into a new host they have the old memories but aren't that person anymore.
It will be interesting to see if Discovery goes in the direction, at all, of exploring if Gray is a different person now than before. Will he feel different? Will he see Adira differently? Will Adira see him differently? They have touched on this a little in previous Treks, but I don't think they have done it from this precise angle.
Gray's existence is an allegory for transness, IMHO. We're supposed to trust Adira that Gray is real for the same reason we're supposed to trust trans people when they tell you what their gender is.
I agree that they have become too conflict adverse. I think they have rounded off the more interesting corners of their characters and their interactions.
Part of the show that I'm really souring on now is how samey everyone feels now (except Stamets being kind of a jerk sometimes). Everyone is trying their best to get along, sometimes stumbles, but when they do they have no issue opening up their heart to a confidant, who listens attentively and gives them sage advice as a good ally. This is...boring.
I mean, lemme turn to DS9, which I think has still so far been the highlight of character writing in Trek. You have Odo, who is a stoic loner who struggles to even discuss his feelings. You have Worf, who's somewhat similar but adds layers of repression on top of it. You have O'Brien, who just keeps his head down and tries to muddle through things, despite being put through unbelievable trauma. Someone like Quark is generally too busy (and too conceited) to waste time with being introspective. Or there's (later) Jadzia, who for the most part is just enjoying life and having fun. That's a lot of different ways of dealing with feelings.
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