Star Trek - A New Order

Discussion in 'Fan Productions' started by Gordie, Mar 16, 2020.

  1. USS Intrepid

    USS Intrepid Commodore Commodore

    Nov 15, 1999
    Dundee, Scotland, UK
    Hey, I was just trying to explain why you may not be getting the response you want. Like I said, you’re not always going to get the discussion you want. Is that frustrating? Sure, but lashing out at people isn’t going to help.

    As to your post, I’m sorry, I did read what you posted but there’s nothing there that I’m interested in contributing to, especially given your more recent replies. I wish you well going forward though.
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2020
    fireproof78 likes this.
  2. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

    Oct 17, 2005
    One ferry ride from Starfleet HQ
    Oh, bother. Since my name keeps getting thrown around I need to set the record straight.

    I'm one of the most prolific posters in this forum. If you didn't see any of my posts then you haven't spent much time in this forum before starting a topic. That's not my responsibility.

    The following was aimed at @jespah.
    The question was whether a topic about a series pitch intended for a network/studio belonged in a forum which focuses on fan made productions/shows (i.e. fan films and audio shows). No one suggested the topic be disallowed for its content or the form of the discussion/argument, rather, whether or not this particular forum is the appropriate venue (TBH, I don’t know where such a thing belongs in the current forum setup—perhaps here, perhaps not, this is why we ask the mods; who can move the topic to the appropriate place if it's in the wrong forum).

    Last edited: Mar 25, 2020
  3. jespah

    jespah Rear Admiral Moderator

    Jun 21, 2011
    Boston, the Gateway to the Galaxy
    I'm the mod for this forum. If you want this topic moved to another forum which perhaps you would find more congenial, please let me know.
    Gordie likes this.
  4. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Thanks for your reply.

    There are a better way to go about things. You could have taken up your concerns with a moderator via reporting. Not voice them in the thread. Just my opinion.

    Now that said, Bixby most certainly got snippy because I couldn't answer questions about my characters and the premise of the show. He even became belittling as he attempted to poke fun of my spelling mistakes. That tells me a lot about him. Not that interested in getting help from an individual like that.

    Now I hope we can move on.

    The premise of my 'show' is to be the same as TNG. I hope that helps. It may not be what others want, but it's what I want. :) I wrote this with under the premise of creating a show because I wanted to have some sort of structure. But I never actually intended of trying to make this into a show. I have no experience and I'm not published unless you count two small submissions that were accepted by the e-zine Footprints, a free e-zine. :)

    Filming it myself is a possibility. Need new memory cards though. I learned the hard way that memory size isn't the only difference between cards. I ignorantly assumed that they were all the same except for size, so I bought some cheap ones on ebay. They don't film in full 1080p lol. Great though for photos mind you.
  5. Bixby

    Bixby Captain Captain

    Aug 4, 2011
    I found this interesting quote early in this thread... but it sounds like there should be about 5 or 6 ''as long as's'' and ''but only if's'' added at the end of it.
    ChallengerHK and KennyB like this.
  6. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Well I may have been wrong if that is true I apologize, but it sounded to me you were not trying to improve me in anyway, but that you were upset at me for not being able to provide you with the answers you were looking for.

    I am over it. Let's move on.
  7. JD

    JD Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Jul 22, 2004
    Arizona, USA
    So what exactly would be the hook of this show? What would make it different from the other TNG style Star Treks we already got?
  8. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

    Oct 17, 2005
    One ferry ride from Starfleet HQ
    We generally don't go PM with the mods if we think something might be in the wrong forum. That's not a comment on the topic just as to where it best belongs.

    Speaking from personal experience, when I join a forum I spend some time reading a lot of posts and threads and take the temperature of the room to get a feel for the tone and norms and culture. That spares a lot of misunderstanding. :)
    Gordie likes this.
  9. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    I've been thinking about this and doing some research.

    A human captain with extra-ordinary abilities joins Starfleet in an attempt to save the quadrant from the tyrannical occupation of the invaders.
  10. nightwind1

    nightwind1 Commodore Commodore

    Dec 28, 2010
    Des Moines, IA
    So, typical Tuesday?
    jespah likes this.
  11. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
  12. JD

    JD Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Jul 22, 2004
    Arizona, USA
    Ok, thanks. I'm not quite sure what to think of this yet, but that does help a bit.
    Gordie likes this.
  13. fireproof78

    fireproof78 Admiral Admiral

    Apr 11, 2014
    Alright, I will attempt to discuss this...*cracks knuckles*
    Why? What is their inciting event that they want to kill all the Klingons? Why are the Breen more recovered than the Federation? How are the Romulans able to supply ships as well and be in a better state than the Federation?
    How has he become a Starfleet captain? Did he prove up in the ranks? Or is he just handed command because of his experiences on the Enterprise? And why are those experiences considered valuable enough to grant him command? Is Starfleet short on officers? Do other officers have issue with Wesley's quick rise?

    There are a lot of aspects of this that are kind of intriguing, but I am trying to figure out the whys. The Breen's rise is confusing, and their ability to annihilate the Klingons is overpowered at first read. The Federation being caught flat footed is perhaps the more believable part of it.

    So, what makes this unique?
  14. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Never thought about any of that. Pretty much what you see is what you get at the moment. I will be adding some scenes soon. They are just lines with some basic description. Not written in proper teleplay format

    What's unique? Nothing really except for our new Captain having special abilities.

    To give you an idea pf the what and why...

    About 4 years ago, I started to binge watch the entire run of Star Trek with the exception of TOS TAS. I started with ENT and worked my through TNG, DS9 and finished of course with VOY. I wanted more of it.

    I was expecting the Romulans to show up and save the Federations ass during the Dominion war. That's how this idea of mine came to fruition.

    I think we are ready to return to an episodic show. TNG was the same premise of TOS, and yet it was far more successful. Trends repeat themselves and maybe we are there now. I am tired of all the fluff out there right now. Good shows, but these 10 episodes seasons are not preferable to me.
  15. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Example scenes from Act 1

    Scene 1.0

    The U.S.S. Starship is shown in orbit over Risa. Captain Crusher is attempting to locate former crew mate Will Riker.

    Mid morning and a clear sunny day on Risa...

    Will Riker and Deanna Troi are seen outdoors relaxing on wooden lounge chairs in the sun, sipping on cold drinks when Rikers communication device beeps. He looks at it quizzically then picks it up.

    Riker: Will Riker here.

    Crusher: Good morning, Commander, er I mean Will.

    Riker with a huge grin: Wesley? Is that you? It's good to hear your voice! How's Starfleet? I heard you were back. Deanna tells me they made you a captain. It took you long enough to get in touch.

    Crusher smiling: Yes it's true, a Captain a whole two weeks now. And yes, you're right, I should have sent a message sooner. I am currently in orbit...

    Riker cuts off Crusher: Well Captain, I hope you will beam down and join us. The weather is spectacular as usual!

    Crusher: I wish I could, but unfortunately I have no time for pleasantries Will. Starfleet could use..., no, Starfleet needs your assistance.

    Riker looks at Troi worried.

    Cut to Troi and Riker's quarters...

    Troi: Well I'm going too.

    Riker: How did I know you would say that? Well it sounds very serious, Starfleet wouldn't ask me to come out of retirement if it wasn't. Maybe you should return to Star Base 12.

    Troi: You are not leaving me here alone. I can point a phaser. Besides, out of the two of us, I am the one who is still a Starfleet officer. (Troi is stationed at nearby Star Base 12 so she can be close to Riker. Riker has a permanent apartment on Risa)

    Riker smiles and moves closer to Troi: Oh I know very well you are a capable officer, but working closely with each other is the reason why we never did end up together. I suppose I won't be able to change your mind will I?

    Troi smiles back and moves closer to Riker: No. And this is only a temporary assignment for you anyway.

    And they embrace.
  16. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Scene 1.2

    Near the end of the briefing. Capt. Crusher and senior officers have briefed Riker and Troi about the events with the Breen at Kronos.

    Riker: So we are at war again. And without the Klingons. I hope Starfleet has something up their sleeve.

    Crusher: Agreed Will. Once we arrive at Starbase 12, you will find out where you will be needed. Starfleet isn't saying much. I wish I could tell you more.

    Riker: That's not surprising. No doubt the Breen are monitoring all communications.

    Security Officer: You can count on that Sir. Er, what do we call you now? Have you been given rank?

    Riker: Well we will find that out too I suppose once we arrive at the base. For now, I am just another crew mate.

    Troi: Wasn't Worf on Kronos? Has anyone heard from him?

    Crusher: Yes, he was there in his role as Ambassador, and no, unfortunately we have received no word on his status. (Everyone looks somber after Crusher says this)

    Riker: We all know how resourceful he can be. Let's not give up hope just yet. (Everyone nods in agreement)
  17. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Scene 1.3

    The major battle between Starfleet and The Breen is occurring. There is a large Breen command ship and they have numerous smaller fighting vessels. Federation casualties are massive. Many Federation ships have been destroyed and many more are damaged. Riker's ship is heavily damaged as he attacks the command ship. A number of Klingons show up on suicide missions.

    Cut to the bridge on Riker's ship...

    There is an explosion on the bridge that throws Troi across the room. Riker bends down to check on her to discover she is gone. He lowers his head briefly then he looks up...

    Riker: All hands, abandon ship! (To ensign) Hail the Falcon.

    Ensign: Communication is open Sir.

    Riker: (desperately) Wesley, beam my crew off, some won't make it to the escape pods! Don't worry about me, I'm staying. Good bye Wesley. Riker out.

    Riker calmly walks over to the captains chair and slumps down in it and proceeds to set a collision course to the Breen ship.

    Riker to the bridge crew: Everyone, to the escape pods now! (When Riker sees the hesitation he yells) That's an order!

    The bridge crew obey and head to the escape pods in a rush.

    Cut to the bridge of the U.S.S. Falcon...

    Crusher: Will! Will!

    Ensign: He has cut off communication sir.

    Crusher: Transporter room! Can you get a lock on them?

    Transporter room responds over the com: Yes Sir, but...

    Crusher: Beam them over now!

    Cut to transporter room.

    The transport begins, but is too late, a blast from the Breen ship completely destroys Riker's vessel. The transport is successful but both Troi and Riker lay dead on the transporter platform.

    Then suddenly...

    Ensign: We got Klingons!

    Three rogue Klingon birds of prey decloak. They have no intention of surviving this battle. One ship maneuvers to attack Breen command ship and draw it's fire. A second BOP follows and ejects it's warp core. The third targets the core and fires. The blast weakens the shields of the Breen ship.The BOP's are destroyed in the blast. Crusher catches the play and orders the fleet to put all possible power to their shields.

    The Klingons with their suicide runs have weakened the shielding of the Breen command ship but the Breen are still winning the battle...

    Cut to the Falcon's bridge.

    Ensign: Sir there are numerous vessels decloaking!

    Crusher: More Klingons?

    Ensign: No Sir! Romulans!

    Crusher: On screen! (The view screen shows many Romulan ships surrounding the Breen command ship with the Romulan command ship remaining at a safe distance.)

    Cut to bridge of Romulan command ship...

    Commander Taulret is seen sitting in the captain's chair surrounded by her crew at their stations. Taulret stands and slowly walks towards the main view screen.

    Taulret with a confident urgency: Open communications with the Federation vessels so they may monitor us; and hail our ships.

    Cadet at control panel nods and proceeds to follow the order.

    Cadet: Ready Commander.

    Taulret gives her orders with a mounting fury: You all know your orders. Hit that command ship with everything we have! If anyone retreats I will execute you myself! (she pauses) NOW DESTROY IT!
    The Romulans begin a relentless assault upon the large Breen command ship. The Breen were not expecting this as they had agreements with the Romulans not to interfere The Romulans help the Federation to defeat the Breen for now. The large command ship is destroyed and any smaller vessels that didn't sustain too much damage retreat.
  18. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Example scenes from Act 2

    Scene 2.0

    Captain Crusher stands in a conference room at Star Fleet Head Quarters, staring blankly out the large window. There is a large table with viewing monitors built into it's surface. Empty chairs surround it. Admiral Picard stands to the left and behind Crusher.

    Crusher: I brought them into this fight. It was my idea. He was done with all of this. I mean he was living on Risa, I had no right.

    Picard: Yes, but you had the approval of Starfleet. You are a starship Captain now and I'm afraid this is just the beginning for you. You will lose people Wesley, but you were awarded the rank of Captain for a reason. Starfleet believes in you, I believe in you. (Picard pauses for a second) Will was my closest, dearest friend. It's not your fault. I know you understand that. And Deanna, poor Deanna... (his voice trails off, he turns from Crusher to stare out the window also)

    Picard continues: The funeral is in two days. By then your new ship should be operational.
    Crusher: New ship?

    Picard smiles:

    Cut to construction of the new U.S.S. Enterprise.
  19. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    When I originally wrote this, I was unaware that Majel Barret had passed. :confused: So this would most likely be rewritten. My main point was to foreshadow Barclay anyway.

    Scene 2.1

    Funeral scene for Troi and Riker. Hundreds, of people show up to pay their respects. Many familiar faces in the crowd, Lwaxana Troi, Laforge, Dr. Crusher, Barclay, Admiral Janeway, O'Brian, etc. Barclay cannot contain his sorrow.

    Many people offer their respects to Troi's mother Lwaxana. Crusher approaches her...

    Crusher: I am so sorry...

    Lwaxana takes Crusher's hands in hers: Please don't tell me you are blaming yourself young man. This was Deanna's life, and to be blunt with all the trouble the Enterprise has encountered I am surprised she made it this far. She was a proud Starfleet officer. You should be proud of her too. This was the life she wanted. but I am going to miss her. (Lwaxana starts to sob. Admiral Picard is nearby and approaches to offer his condolences and to relieve Crusher)

    The funeral scene ends with Barclay entering a turbo lift with his head down. He turns and faces the door. He slowly raises his head. His face now showing a dark and sinister expression. The lift door closes swiftly.

    End scene.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020
  20. Gordie

    Gordie Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Mar 15, 2020
    Scene 2.2

    Crusher and Taulret are seen conversing while walking casually through the hallways of the Enterprise. Crusher is giving Taulret a tour of the ship.

    Crusher: In here is our botany lab...(before the words are out of his mouth, Taulret moves past him to smell a sampling of some of the flowers that are growing in the lab. An ensign or two are going about their duties.

    Taulret with a wide grin as she enjoys the scent of a flower: This is why I was labelled a terrorist.
    Crusher looks confused: Flowers? They are rather pleasant but...

    Taulret: Well, not flora specifically, but to see and experience new cultures. To have relationships and friendships with people from other worlds. Romulus couldn't continue on in it's xenophobic state. As years would pass, more and more Romulans would want to leave and see what the galaxy had to offer. It gives my heart joy to know that we are finally taking these steps forward. But yes, (she returns to the flowers) this is a personal interest of mine. I love their beauty (she caresses a flower petal) this is the first time I have seen a flower outside my home world. I will not forget this moment.

    Crusher: You know, you don't seem the executioner type. (said smiling)

    Taulret laughs: I assume you mean back during the battle. It is what Romulans expect. Hopefully with the guidance of the Federation, we can get beyond that way of thinking.

    Crusher nods: I couldn't agree more.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020