I know my title is similar to one in the fan fiction thread, but hey it is what it is. Been working on this for a couple years. First just in my head and finally decided to start writing my ideas down. I stopped working on it after the announcement of Picard. https://ouractivist.blogspot.com/2020/03/star-trek-new-order.html Star Trek - A New Order 60 minute TV pilot for a weekly series. 25 years after the return of the starship Voyager, the United Federation of Planets is facing an old threat that will see new alliances forged and longtime friendships come to an end. Follow the crew of the new U.S.S. Enterprise as they explore further uncharted reaches of the galaxy. INCITING INCIDENT: Reports are starting to come into Starfleet. The Klingon home world has been invaded and occupied by the Breen. Many Klingon colonies and outposts have been destroyed. The Breen made a surprise attack using biological weapons they have developed with the design to kill Klingons quickly. With their technology they were able to detect the Klingon cloaked ships while remaining undetected with their own cloaking technology. The Breen have issued standing orders to eliminate all Klingons. Survivors have been scattered and are being hunted by Breen extermination squads. With one of the Alpha Quadrant's finest warrior races annihilated the Breen's attempt for conquest seem inevitable. SYNOPSIS: The Breen are once again trying to take over the Alpha Quadrant. Starfleet scrambles to prepare a defensive. But unfortunately Starfleet still hasn't fully recovered from the Dominion war and with relative peace for the last 20 years there are limited ships' captains with combat experience. A large definitive battle will occur. Starfleet will appear to be losing when The Romulans show up with numerous ships. Half of which are captained, including the command ship, by former Romulan dissidents and would be defectors. Romulus released these prisoners as a way of showing their supposed sincerity to Starfleet. The Romulans help win the battle and now Starfleet has no choice but to work with Romulus. This is against the wishes of the Vulcans. Eventually Starfleet will vote to bring Romulus into the Federation Council. Vulcan being opposed to this decide to leave The Federation. No one really knows what the real intent of the Romulans are. The Breen lose this important battle but are not totally defeated. They retreat to Kronos for now. The above synopsis will lead to all sorts of dramatic scenarios. The Breen have suffered a major defeat but still occupy Kronos. The intelligence agencies of Romulus and Starfleet will never trust one another and with Vulcan on the outside there is the possibility for many entertaining plot lines. Surviving renegade Klingons will come into play and make interesting and exciting episodes. The Romulans fear the Breen from their past experiences with them. Helping The Federation was helping themselves. They keep this information from the Federation. The Romulans will continue to flex their muscles and try to assert further dominance in the quadrant. Star Trek - A New Order will bring in a new audience while at the same time appealing to lifelong fans. Guest appearances of former characters of the older shows will help make the show a success. There will be surviving renegade Klingons, conflict among current and former Federation members. There isn't much known about the Breen, so possibilities for interesting and dramatic stories are wide open. Characters: Captain Wesley Crusher will be in command of the new U.S.S. Enterprise. Crusher has returned to Starfleet some years ago, and due to his experience on board the Enterprise and with his unique abilities he has recently become a Starfleet captain. He has been in command of his own ship for all of two weeks. At the onset of the show, Crusher is captain of the U.S.S. Falcon. A small scout ship. Crusher has the ability to theoretically project himself anywhere in the universe. The catch is that he has had to have been there before. He cannot project himself to a location he has never physically been to. This projection requires energy and Crusher can only accomplish this while fully rested. The skill isn't unlimited. He can only perform the skill twice per day. Commander Taulret is a former Romulan dissident and was labeled a terrorist by The Imperial Senate. She and Captain Crusher will form a close relationship and a bond of trust. Taulret has been in a Romulan prison for the past 6 years without charge or trial. She was released to help forge an alliance with The Federation. She has an extremely loyal following. The Imperial Senate and Tal Shiar fear her influence. Some rumours say she has connections in the Continuing Committee and possibly even the Tal Shiar. The Tal Shiar keep a close watch on Taulret. Taulret has had a few romantic relationships in the past but has born no offspring. She is sincere in her endeavors in reaching out to The Federation and she develops a close friendship with Captain Crusher. Lieutenant Naomi Wildman returns to life on a star ship after graduating and excelling at Starfleet Academy. She is an expert in the field of Astrometrics. She still remains in close contact with her mother and 7 of 9. Even though she fell in love with Earth after the starship Voyager returned, Wildman has longed for a return to the stars, she feels at home aboard a U.S.S. starship. She has dedicated herself to her studies so she could accomplish this. Starfleet has recognized her skills and have decided that she will be a part of the new Enterprise crew. Dr. Einan Ghanar is a 64 year old former member of the Bajoran resistance who operated as a field medic and surgeon during the Cardassian occupation. After the occupation he continued with his medical studies and has excelled in his field. He has decided to join Starfleet to expand his knowledge and experience. He didn't have many opportunities to explore the galaxy while practicing on Bajor. Ghanar is very passionate in his profession. He will sometimes ignore conventional methods and even disobey orders if it means saving lives. (I am thinking about making the Dr's a married couple. Both with the same background. They worked side by side during the occupation and have remained together ever since.) Security Officer Lt. Yero is a former enforcer of the Orion Syndicate and it's rumoured that he has committed assassinations on their behalf. The truth of the matter, which will be revealed later on in the series, is that Yero refused an assassination contract, which forced him to flee the Syndicate. The Federation felt his knowledge of the criminal organization would be of value, so he was welcomed. The Orion Syndicate have an open contract out on Yero. In spite of his past, Yero has proven to be a trustworthy and reliable Starfleet officer. He has the respect of the crew and senior officers. NOTE: Numerous scenes have also been written for this pilot. I will add them to the thread later.
I just joined up here a few days ago. I have posted about this on another forum. Not the text, just talking about it.
My earlier plans sort of fell through. Just sharing for now. Seeing what kind of interest is out there. I hope I haven't violated any forum rules.
It's really up to the moderator as to if it's against any rules, but what are you looking for here? A discussion on its merits?
Not exactly. As I said just sharing. You can discuss it's merits, it's flaws, or ignore it. I don't have an ultimate goal here.
Well, as the moderators here have pointed out many times, the point of posts should be to start a conversation. So this is why I asked if you had something in mind. I read a lot of TV and movie scripts. I've seen my share of pitch docs and written my share. What's usually missing in the latter from fans is a clear statement of what the show is about. Not where and when it's set, as those are often interchangeable, fungible details, but what themes it's going to explore and what the characters want, as opposed to a dry background, and why an audience should care. Most of them end up being a list of Captain Whatshername on the USS Yetanothership in the Interchangeable Sector.
Well yes obviously I want people to have a discussion about this. But feel free to talk about whatever it is you like or dislike. Do you think I haven't addressed what the show is about? What should I be more clear on? I have been trying to learn how to make a pitch to the right people. Not easy to get anything read when no one knows who you are lol. Any advice would be appreciated.
Yes the second time was because I copied and pasted. Too funny. Star Wars actually used to be my fave over Star Trek, but when I binge watched the entire run of the Star Trek shows, Trek easily over took Wars as my fave.
So let me ask you, was this the idea for a potential fanfilm? because the statement below... ...makes me ask, who's the "no one" in this statement? Other fans? Fan filmmakers? TV professionals? The audience in question shapes the feedback. See below. 60 feet? Just say half-hour, hour long, etc. This is all setting and understanding it is dependent on familiarity with the franchise. At a more basic level, you;'re telling us a where and when but not how and why. How is the Enterprise mission to "explore further uncharted regions of the galaxy" connected to "facing an old threat that will see new alliances forged and longtime friendships come to an end"? Why is this interesting? Again... what audience? The issue I see is that detail is getting in the way, because this really should clearly and concisely state what's happened and what it triggers. Your inciting incident should be summed up succinctly so that anyone can grok it Trekkie or not, and without the particulars. Here's one way to do it: When the mysterious alien race known as the BREEN develop weapons and strategies that shockingly allow them to easily defeat and occupy the mighty KLINGON EMPIRE the result is a destabilized galactic political landscape and a potential threat to all neighboring powers, including the UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS. With concerns that the Breen may have weapons they cannot counter, the Federation's STARFLEET deploys/reassigns/something the latest starship USS Enterprise on a mission to _________, but, unknown to the crew/captain/whatever the real mission is to _________. The stakes are ______________ and possibly the end of/subjectation/enslavement/whatever of the human race and its allies. Boom. Now you have what starts off the story and a "fishhook" to get people interested. Therein is a literal "mission statement." Again, too many names, too many specifics, and yet no description of how this connects to the story of the starship and its crew...and THAT is what your show is about, episode by episode, not the geopolitical landscape. So spin on to the show format and what kinds of stories the show will be doing, and drop in hints of the backstory amongst all that where it feels germane. "How?" is the first question that pops to mind. Fine, for the already established fanbase, as Picard is demonstrating. THIS is the stuff you need more of and more specifics. Give examples of how the ship's missions affect and are effected by this. What does each want? What is their function on the show? How do their drives and interpersonal conflict affect stories? That's not in any of what you've posted. Again, you're referencing things only fans know or understand, like Wesley's "Traveller" abilities, but without giving them a narrative significance. Plot? Or do you mean pilot story? I always advise people to come up with a premise, write a script, and see how it plays out. The act of writing is going to change what your proposed series about, especially if you're not experienced writing teleplays.
P.S. You might have to look at this: The Fan Film Writer's Primer (link) Started in 2012, this is a resource for fan film screenwriters and discusses screenplay formats, conventions, three act structure, etc.
Thanks a lot for the reply. Just getting up so will read it over with coffee. But the ' symbol stands for minutes also, and from my research it is the proper way to submit your pitch. I will post links to some sites that I have been using for research later. Thanks again!