So what's the next step?

[Garak]

I join an IRL dating service.

I get my first "match" and call her and we talk for a good 90 minutes or so Saturday night. When we end the conversation the girl asks me if I want to talk with her again, I say yes, and there's some banter on what to prepare myself for on the next call -as for topics to discuss.

I called her last night, left her a message on her voice-mail, and here I am a full day later and no response. So now what?

The ball is in her court, right? I called HER, she wasn't with her phone, I leave a message, it's up to her to call me back. If I call her, again, isn't that being desperate? Maybe even pestering her?

Should I continue to wait for her return call? Give a couple more days and call her again?

WHAT DO I DO?!??!?

Steal her hair from her brush, make a hair doll and have conversations with said hair doll.

 

[Peacemaker]

Ok, so I've talked to this girl a few times now and we're going to meet this weekend!

Now, I'm nervous as hell. I don't know what to wear, I don't know how to do my hair, I don't own and cologne! Should I get some?! My ex used to like me Stetson. Eeep! What should I do?!

I'm nervous, nervous, nervous!

We're meeting at a local casino -a place we both know the location of as neither is familiar with the other's part of the metro. We're going to meet there, chat, get some lunch and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.

Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.

Put her to the test on this one:

Wear your Vulcan Ears and a TOS uniform. Be sure to greet her with a Vulcan salute. Carry your Vulcan Lyre and sing songs to her at the casino. Be sure to ask her if she plays 3D chess. If she goes for it, she's a keeper!

 

[Smiley]

Assuming the casino allows smoking, I don't think cologne is appropriate for that environment. Wear something comfortable but presentable. Be well-groomed without changing your whole look.

Basically, make yourself attractive to your date while still being yourself. Remember that she is probably feeling nervous, too. Start with "hello" and make your way from there. Have fun, Trekker!

 

[Timby]

and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.

Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.

I do hope you have more to your strategy than what Swingers taught you.

 

[Trekker4747]

and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.

Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.

I do hope you have more to your strategy than what Swingers taught you.

I can't say what my strategy is as it would get me kicked out of the casino and banned for life.


Trekker, +8

 

[Timby]

and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.

Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.

I do hope you have more to your strategy than what Swingers taught you.

I can't say what my strategy is as it would get me kicked out of the casino and banned for life.


Trekker, +8

Only if you're stupid enough to get caught.

 

[Trekker4747]

I do hope you have more to your strategy than what Swingers taught you.

I can't say what my strategy is as it would get me kicked out of the casino and banned for life.


Trekker, +8

Only if you're stupid enough to get caught.

True that.

 

[Holdfast]

Ok, so I've talked to this girl a few times now and we're going to meet this weekend!

Now, I'm nervous as hell. I don't know what to wear, I don't know how to do my hair, I don't own and cologne! Should I get some?! My ex used to like me Stetson. Eeep! What should I do?!

I'm nervous, nervous, nervous!

We're meeting at a local casino -a place we both know the location of as neither is familiar with the other's part of the metro. We're going to meet there, chat, get some lunch and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.

Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.

Get her to lose all her money, her house & even the shirt off her back in the casino and then you can swoop in and rescue her by offering her a bed for the night.

Job? Done.

 

[doubleohfive]

De-lurking for am moment...

Trekker, just do what I told you to do the other day. Do it tonight, and every night before the date. Then do it again right before you leave for the date.

 

[RAMA]

So its happening!

 

[Trekker4747]

So its happening!

In theory. We've tenative plans but we've not set a specific time yet. Our respective schedules are at odd with one another so it's hard to get a chance to talk to her. Just called her and got her voice-mail so she's likely at work and not able to answer/talk on her phone. Hopefully she'll call me on her lunch-break or later tonight so we can set things up.

I'm nervous as hell, though.

 

[Garak]

I'm nervous as hell, though.

That's why you make a hair doll from her hair to talk to, so you won't be so nervous.

 

[RAMA]

So its happening!

In theory. We've tenative plans but we've not set a specific time yet. Our respective schedules are at odd with one another so it's hard to get a chance to talk to her. Just called her and got her voice-mail so she's likely at work and not able to answer/talk on her phone. Hopefully she'll call me on her lunch-break or later tonight so we can set things up.

I'm nervous as hell, though.

I can honestly say in all seriousness that I'm pulling for you.

RAMA

 

[Alpha Romeo]

Ok, so I've talked to this girl a few times now and we're going to meet this weekend!

Now, I'm nervous as hell. I don't know what to wear, I don't know how to do my hair, I don't own and cologne! Should I get some?! My ex used to like me Stetson. Eeep! What should I do?!

I'm nervous, nervous, nervous!

We're meeting at a local casino -a place we both know the location of as neither is familiar with the other's part of the metro. We're going to meet there, chat, get some lunch and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.

Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.

Just play it cool. If she doesn't like you fuck it. Move on.

 

[Trekker4747]

Siiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

See?

This is why I think my life is a poorly written drama, some Higher Power has it "in" for me, I have bad luck or I'm just destined to fail.

We were supposed to go out this past Friday night, well it came and went. I tried calling her in the mid afternoon and we talked for about a minute before her phone died and we got cut off but I managed to catch she was on her way to her second job. Cool, fine, maybe I mis-understood and we're going out Saturday night.

So I psych myself up/out Satuday night (in my history usually doing this jinxes the whole thing so I should've seen this coming), I get home and shower, I shave (close shave rather than electric) and I've got a nice cologne and outfit picked out. I'm readying to knock this out of the park and do my best (on some advice of a friend.)

Anyway it's around 4pm and I try giving her call, her voice mail. Ok, maybe she's at work and when she gets off we'll meet up a little later than I had planned, no big deal. 5p... 6p... I try calling again, leave a message on her voice mail, nothing.

So now I'm freaking out in my mind as I just don't handle this kind of thing well and I think I'm getting some-kind-of cold shoulder or something. Seriously, my stomach is in knots and I'm just going wacky in my head. I'm not able to relax, I bearly eat a "dinner" and I'm just going wacky. I go to bed around 10/11pm rejected, nervous and freaking out. Even considering pulling out of dating service because I just can't handle this stuff.

So I'm sleeping and my phone (sitting on my nightstand) goes off at around midnight. It's her. I guess some people at her job(s) had called in sick and her bosses tasked her with filling in their hours. She's worked 70+ hours this week and just hasn't had time to talk with me and let me know. She apologizes, tells me she DOES want to go out with me, but is sorry because she's just busy right now with the holidays and all (her jobs are at the kinds of places likely to be NUTS this time of year esp. this week) she tells me that she has a friend who asked her for a hook up and asked if I'd like to give her a try.

Sure. Why not? My emotions need more dicking with.

I know she's a busy, young, single mom, working two jobs and going to school and I told her that it was Ok and I understood -and I do- and that I'm willing to wait for her to have time to go on a date (she plans to quit one of her jobs after the holidays) and she said she appreciates my being easy-going but she also feels guilty for doing this -hence her wanting to fix me up with her friend. (who has the "plus" of not having a kid, but I also didn't want to be shallow and ask questions about the "friend's" weight, hair color, etc.)

Ugh. See? This is my life.

This isn't some Mad Baggins-ian made-upesque nonsense. This is the kind of stuff that actualy happens to me. It's like what happened to me a few months ago when a client of my mom's was going to set me up on a blind-date with her sister and that fell apart.

Because Someone or Something like putting me on a rug and then yanking it out from under me.

God, I need to start drinking or doing drugs or something.

I'm just ready to give up on the whole thing. I'm still in a period where I can quit the dating service and get my money back. I can't do this. My emotions are far too fragile to deal with this.

 

[Holdfast]

She apologizes, tells me she DOES want to go out with me, but.... she tells me that she has a friend who asked her for a hook up and asked if I'd like to give her a try.

... I told her that it was Ok and I understood -and I do- and that I'm willing to wait for her to have time to go on a date (she plans to quit one of her jobs after the holidays) and she said she appreciates my being easy-going...

Dude.

DUDE.

Read this back to yourself and see if it makes ANY sort of sense to you. Then think about what kind of doormat you've become in her mind. I'm not saying this to be harsh, but man, you really need to work on your self-esteem before hooking up with anyone.

 

[Trekker4747]

I'm still giving the "friend" a try, if that's what you are getting at but I don't want to completely write this first girl off.

 

[Holdfast]

No, that's NOT what I'm getting at. Not at ALL.

Look, I don't normally give serious advice on this board, but I will this time because I think you're a good person at heart, because I've read your thoughts on this board enough to get a very small degree of insight into your thinking, because I'm feeling Christmassy and because I have more than several drinks inside me. I won't even bill you for the advice!

You need to decide who you are. Part of you desperately wants to be in a relationship, the other part is terrified of it. The part of you that wants to be in relationship just wants the relationship. It doesn't even want a particular woman, just the warm fuzziness of being in a relationship. WHY do you want this? I don't think you have a clear answer to that, which is why you're also terrified of it happening and then not getting the happiness you want.

Answer what a relationship MEANS to you, and maybe you'll have a better shot at understanding WHO you are at the moment. Then you have to decide who you WANT to be and think about how to get there. Again, a big part of you doesn't want an answer to any of these questions but would prefer the safety of predictability and security (even predictable unhappiness).

You really, really, really need to think about some of these deep, fundamental & scary questions. And if necessary, talk them through with someone who can help you at least understand the importance of the questions. Then try to find some strategies to begin to explore the answers. This is all a long, slow process.

THEN you might understand what's so very unhealthy with the story you've related, and my first reply.

Good luck. And I mean that sincerely, without a shade of sarcasm.

 

[Australis]

^ The well-suited man is wise.

 

[Trekker4747]

No, that's NOT what I'm getting at. Not at ALL.

Look, I don't normally give serious advice on this board, but I will this time because I think you're a good person at heart, because I've read your thoughts on this board enough to get a very small degree of insight into your thinking, because I'm feeling Christmassy and because I have more than several drinks inside me. I won't even bill you for the advice!

You need to decide who you are. Part of you desperately wants to be in a relationship, the other part is terrified of it. The part of you that wants to be in relationship just wants the relationship. It doesn't even want a particular woman, just the warm fuzziness of being in a relationship. WHY do you want this? I don't think you have a clear answer to that, which is why you're also terrified of it happening and then not getting the happiness you want.

Answer what a relationship MEANS to you, and maybe you'll have a better shot at understanding WHO you are at the moment. Then you have to decide who you WANT to be and think about how to get there. Again, a big part of you doesn't want an answer to any of these questions but would prefer the safety of predictability and security (even predictable unhappiness).

You really, really, really need to think about some of these deep, fundamental & scary questions. And if necessary, talk them through with someone who can help you at least understand the importance of the questions. Then try to find some strategies to begin to explore the answers. This is all a long, slow process.

THEN you might understand what's so very unhealthy with the story you've related, and my first reply.

Good luck. And I mean that sincerely, without a shade of sarcasm.

I appreciate the support and advice, but I still don't get it.

Should I have been mad at her for being too busy to do the date? Should I not have been understanding towards a woman working two jobs and going to school and not having time? Because, that's the only other "problem" I read into the quoted sections of my post -that I just said "no I understand it is OK" when she "broke" our "date."



So I just called the friend. She seemed pretty nice.