Possibly useful link Elmo Dukat posted in the Crushes thread:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_Method
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_Method
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So what's the next step?
- Thread starter Trekker4747
- Start date
I join an IRL dating service.
I get my first "match" and call her and we talk for a good 90 minutes or so Saturday night. When we end the conversation the girl asks me if I want to talk with her again, I say yes, and there's some banter on what to prepare myself for on the next call -as for topics to discuss.
I called her last night, left her a message on her voice-mail, and here I am a full day later and no response. So now what?
The ball is in her court, right? I called HER, she wasn't with her phone, I leave a message, it's up to her to call me back. If I call her, again, isn't that being desperate? Maybe even pestering her?
Should I continue to wait for her return call? Give a couple more days and call her again?
WHAT DO I DO?!??!?
Here's a novel idea...
go out and meet women in person?
I join an IRL dating service.
I get my first "match" and call her and we talk for a good 90 minutes or so Saturday night. When we end the conversation the girl asks me if I want to talk with her again, I say yes, and there's some banter on what to prepare myself for on the next call -as for topics to discuss.
I called her last night, left her a message on her voice-mail, and here I am a full day later and no response. So now what?
The ball is in her court, right? I called HER, she wasn't with her phone, I leave a message, it's up to her to call me back. If I call her, again, isn't that being desperate? Maybe even pestering her?
Should I continue to wait for her return call? Give a couple more days and call her again?
WHAT DO I DO?!??!?
Here's a novel idea...
go out and meet women in person?
Yeah, that's really helpful advice
If he was comfortable with and capable of doing that, he would be don't you think?
Trekker, your first mistake was to call her sooner than what you too had planned. It is likely that in her eyes, you appear "needy". Even though she's using a dating service! The next chick you're going to meet and/or call, let her come to you, hence you'll have the emotional upper hand. That's how it works 
And listen to ria75 and cultivate the Mystery Method. Don't give stuff away. Let the girls guess.
EDIT: Oh by the way, quit your misanthrope attitude. Women have a tendency to detect negativity and it repels them. They're scary
And listen to ria75 and cultivate the Mystery Method. Don't give stuff away. Let the girls guess.
EDIT: Oh by the way, quit your misanthrope attitude. Women have a tendency to detect negativity and it repels them. They're scary
I join an IRL dating service.
I get my first "match" and call her and we talk for a good 90 minutes or so Saturday night. When we end the conversation the girl asks me if I want to talk with her again, I say yes, and there's some banter on what to prepare myself for on the next call -as for topics to discuss.
I called her last night, left her a message on her voice-mail, and here I am a full day later and no response. So now what?
The ball is in her court, right? I called HER, she wasn't with her phone, I leave a message, it's up to her to call me back. If I call her, again, isn't that being desperate? Maybe even pestering her?
Should I continue to wait for her return call? Give a couple more days and call her again?
WHAT DO I DO?!??!?
If I get the days right, you called her Tuesday, yes?? If I liked a someone, I called the next night. If you don't hear from her, then call again in three days. If you call her at the end of the week and she doesn't call you you may want to move on.
My wife tells me that if someone likes her she wants them to call the SAME night!
But my wife and I are pretty direct people, we don't like games.RAMA
Trekker, this sounds like a great step in the right direction! I'm glad that you did this. Congrats! Now it looks like you'll have a more regular stream of "stuff" to look forward to, social things to do, etc. That'll be good for your psyche and self-confidence.
For this girl, relax for the time being. It may or may not work with her. If it doesn't, there will be more. She's just the first one. See her as part of the journey, not the destination.
Mr Awe
For this girl, relax for the time being. It may or may not work with her. If it doesn't, there will be more. She's just the first one. See her as part of the journey, not the destination.
Mr Awe
I agree! Whoever told him to look for women IRL, prob just doesn't understand that for some people, it works better this way. Its like a pre-introduction to keep him from getting as nervous.
RAMA
Ok, I called again tongiht and again got her voicemail, left another message.
In my mind, it's her ball now. I guess, now, if I don't get any return calls or anything from her I'm going to close her referal and await my next one.
Sigh.
In my mind, it's her ball now. I guess, now, if I don't get any return calls or anything from her I'm going to close her referal and await my next one.
Sigh.
Well, she just returned my phone call to let me know she's getting my messages and all and wasn't avoiding me -she's just been busy, which I kind of expected. She's busy at her job and said she'll call me later when she gets off of work.
Sigh.
Sigh.
If a kid is a deal breaker, don't lead her on. Don't make her think you like her, there's some possibilities, etc, and then have it go nowhere because she has a kid. That's cruel and unfair.
I agree. Wait. Ninety minutes sounds like a nice conversation
She was fun and flirty and we seemed to have some similar interests and personality traits.
There's just one thing that kind of itches at me a bit.
She has a child. A one-year-old son.
I'm not sure how I'd feel about getting serious with someone with a kid. I just really don't want to raise someone else's kid and if I land into a permanet/long-term relationship with someone I want to have that "no kids" time before, well, having kids.
I mean, if this can and does get serious it'll be fine as (despite surface posting here) I like kids. I just... I dunno.
Sigh.
She sounded great though.
:ugh:
If a kid is not a deal breaker, why bring it up like this?
If you're on the fence, this is something you need to deal with within yourself before you go anywhere near someone with a child.
Captain X
Rear Admiral
Well, she just returned my phone call to let me know she's getting my messages and all and wasn't avoiding me -she's just been busy, which I kind of expected. She's busy at her job and said she'll call me later when she gets off of work.
Sigh.
Told ya.
If a kid is a deal breaker, don't lead her on. Don't make her think you like her, there's some possibilities, etc, and then have it go nowhere because she has a kid. That's cruel and unfair.I agree. Wait. Ninety minutes sounds like a nice conversation
She was fun and flirty and we seemed to have some similar interests and personality traits.
There's just one thing that kind of itches at me a bit.
She has a child. A one-year-old son.
I'm not sure how I'd feel about getting serious with someone with a kid. I just really don't want to raise someone else's kid and if I land into a permanet/long-term relationship with someone I want to have that "no kids" time before, well, having kids.
I mean, if this can and does get serious it'll be fine as (despite surface posting here) I like kids. I just... I dunno.
Sigh.
She sounded great though.
:ugh:
If a kid is not a deal breaker, why bring it up like this?
If you're on the fence, this is something you need to deal with within yourself before you go anywhere near someone with a child.
The kid is a "concern" for me, not necessairly a deal breaker. I'd rather not throw something away just because they have a kid, so I'm willing to try.
Scrooge 4747 said:
Repeating myself here because I think it is that important. As a mother I'm telling you, it is important for you to be sure of what you feel because you can't move in and out of a child's life without understanding that it has impact on the child. Just be sure how you feel, okay? Your first comment was that you didn't want to raise another's child...but that if it was serious it would be okay. Unfortunately kids don't have that same view, they don't see the big picture or how 'serious' things are or aren't, so just be cautious of the impact you'll have on the little guy as time passes and be sure how you want to progress before you do.
That may sound really hard, but then having kids and raising them is really hard...
I join an IRL dating service.
I get my first "match" and call her and we talk for a good 90 minutes or so Saturday night. When we end the conversation the girl asks me if I want to talk with her again, I say yes, and there's some banter on what to prepare myself for on the next call -as for topics to discuss.
I called her last night, left her a message on her voice-mail, and here I am a full day later and no response. So now what?
The ball is in her court, right? I called HER, she wasn't with her phone, I leave a message, it's up to her to call me back. If I call her, again, isn't that being desperate? Maybe even pestering her?
Should I continue to wait for her return call? Give a couple more days and call her again?
WHAT DO I DO?!??!?
Find another chic and talk to her at the same time. That way you have backups!
I must admit that is accepted behaviour with a dating service. If you wait until you know where you're at with woman #1 before you have any contact with women #2 and 3, etc., opportunities may slip through your fingers.
Ok, so I've talked to this girl a few times now and we're going to meet this weekend!
Now, I'm nervous as hell. I don't know what to wear, I don't know how to do my hair, I don't own and cologne! Should I get some?! My ex used to like me Stetson. Eeep! What should I do?!
I'm nervous, nervous, nervous!
We're meeting at a local casino -a place we both know the location of as neither is familiar with the other's part of the metro. We're going to meet there, chat, get some lunch and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.
Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.
Now, I'm nervous as hell. I don't know what to wear, I don't know how to do my hair, I don't own and cologne! Should I get some?! My ex used to like me Stetson. Eeep! What should I do?!
I'm nervous, nervous, nervous!
We're meeting at a local casino -a place we both know the location of as neither is familiar with the other's part of the metro. We're going to meet there, chat, get some lunch and she wants me to teach her to play blackjack.
Trekker, doubles down on 10 and 11.
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