Screw my life!

[RoJoHen]

Trekker, how long did you go out with her?

Something like 2 1/2-3 years we were close friends, however, for a few years before then as well.

I'll admit on my own behalf that the "Halley's Comet of misery" bit was pretty inspired on my part.

I love how you skip over most of the posts, some of them very well-meaning, and go right to:

defending yourself (in the form of clarifying that you had been together for a long time)
self-congratulation on your clever phrase

Actually I don't love it, I think it's rude. I know you'll say something like "Well they're right, I don't know what to respond, I just needed to vent" etc. etc. When you post threads here to vent, you're not speaking to an empty void. You're speaking to people who have heard much of this before, have taken the time to read it again, and some of whom push back their cynicism or petty impulses to try and give you some advice. These are well-meaning people who you brush off because you'd like to indulge some self-centered desire to dwell on your feelings, rather than actually make any effort to change your situation. You ask for input from others but don't actually want any analysis. Indeed you don't even engage in true introspection yourself. Every suggestion, every comment that someone posts has a stock response from you.

If that's how you want to live, fine. I'm a big advocate for self-improvement but I'm not going to push that on anyone else.

I would ask, however, that the next time you want to post a thread like this, you reconsider. I don't want people to use up their thoughtfulness or compassion on someone who refuses to appreciate it and continues to take advantage of it.

I feel the need to start a slow clap.

 

[Trekker4747]

Sorry, Kes, just didn't know what else to say.

I think for the most part I have talked with people about things here, I answered a question (how long we were together), I've talked about how much she meant to me, how oddly my perception of time is clouding how much time has really passed, several people have commented on the Haley's Comet line so I responded to that.

What else is there to say? Much of Professor Zoom's comments and thread of discussion is covered in the bumped (not by me) TNZ thread.

Should I respond to each and every single post?

Everyone who has provided (constructive) comments has been good "help"/advice or sharing of experiences and it is very much appreciated.

But without multi-posting or making convoluted quote-tags inside threads I cannot respond to every individual response. And, further, I intended to come back to those other posts in the morning after I've slept and came back to this thread and simply responded, quickly, to the "easiest to respond to" post without getting "into it" all again.

All I can say now is that I'm sorry for offense and I'm honestly not here to cause anyone to "waste" their time or sympathies and all advice or commentary is welcomed.

 

[TheBrew]

Something like 2 1/2-3 years we were close friends, however, for a few years before then as well.

I'll admit on my own behalf that the "Halley's Comet of misery" bit was pretty inspired on my part.

I love how you skip over most of the posts, some of them very well-meaning, and go right to:

defending yourself (in the form of clarifying that you had been together for a long time)
self-congratulation on your clever phrase

Actually I don't love it, I think it's rude. I know you'll say something like "Well they're right, I don't know what to respond, I just needed to vent" etc. etc. When you post threads here to vent, you're not speaking to an empty void. You're speaking to people who have heard much of this before, have taken the time to read it again, and some of whom push back their cynicism or petty impulses to try and give you some advice. These are well-meaning people who you brush off because you'd like to indulge some self-centered desire to dwell on your feelings, rather than actually make any effort to change your situation. You ask for input from others but don't actually want any analysis. Indeed you don't even engage in true introspection yourself. Every suggestion, every comment that someone posts has a stock response from you.

If that's how you want to live, fine. I'm a big advocate for self-improvement but I'm not going to push that on anyone else.

I would ask, however, that the next time you want to post a thread like this, you reconsider. I don't want people to use up their thoughtfulness or compassion on someone who refuses to appreciate it and continues to take advantage of it.

I feel the need to start a slow clap.

I am just going to take this opportunity to be the first to say:

"KESTRA SMASH!"

 

[Jadzia]

I'm one fucked up individual, what can I say?

I was thinking about what you said last night about groundhog day and your perception of time past.

It sounds like you've switched your life to some kind of auto-pilot, and left it there.

When we're on auto-pilot the plane just circles the airport and covers the same ground over and over. It's a relatively mindless state because we don't really have to think or make decisions, and in that sense it's comforting.

I think we all do that from time to time... say when we feel tired or bored, as it's a way of recharging. But when we have our energy back, most of us take the con. It sounds like you don't seem willing/able to do that.

 

[Australis]

Jeeze dude, just suck it up and ask another girl out,. You can't live your life in fear.

And life is also way too short. For you, with no concept of time, even shorter. Just go for it. You won't die. You might smart a little, but you don't know this person really, it'll be no biggie.

As for the ex, I'd say it's about time you send an email that lets her have it right between the eyes. No punches pulled. Tell her how it's mesed you up, made your life a little less enjoyable, even years later, and to never contact you again, and if she sees you in the street to keep walking. You need to do it, not just to keep her out of your life, but for yourself.

Get to it.

 

[JarodRussell]

Like, say, I pull out my TNG DVD set and watch through the episodes, while I'm in this mode of watching the episodes I'll feel compelled to discuss them on the board, read recaps of them on-line, read articles on them at Memory Alpha, the Nitpicker's Guides and the Tech Manual. Probably why I often post, and re-post, "woe is me threads" here so often. Every now and then my emotions and thoughts boil-over to the point of feeling the need of posting about them again.

...


I'm one fucked up individual, what can I say?

No, it rather sounds like you have way too much free time on your hands. Stop sitting around at home, go out and do something interesting, instead of contemplating how miserable your life may appear to you. Go skydiving or scuba diving or something.

 

[Scout101]

As for the ex, I'd say it's about time you send an email that lets her have it right between the eyes. No punches pulled. Tell her how it's mesed you up, made your life a little less enjoyable, even years later, and to never contact you again, and if she sees you in the street to keep walking. You need to do it, not just to keep her out of your life, but for yourself.

Get to it.

Good advice. Not because the ex deserves it, but because he needs to do it (or something like it) if he's ever going to stop using it as an excuse and move on. If telling her off, and telling her to never contact him again does that, as well as lets him vent at the appropriate people, then go for it. Might be cathartic!

It's going to come off pretty harsh to her, though, so keep that in mind. To be blunt, he's not as important to her as she was to him. Which is likely why she didn't see this as a big deal. It's been almost a decade, she's dated other people, gotten married, had kids, etc. Just saw it as a chance to say hi to someone who used to be a part of her life a long time ago. Sure, she did a bad thing, but it was 9+ years ago, and she was about 20 and cheated on her boyfriend (and seems like high school boyfriend, at that). It happens. To get a long, emotional letter from that guy a decade later, detailing how you ruined his life, well that's gonna be pretty harsh. And it'll either hurt her back and she'll see the light on that one, or go from thinking fondly on you to hating you and/or thinking it's sad you're still hung up on this after so long...

Safe money is on him doing nothing, though. It's the easiest and safest thing to do.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

It occurs to me that this is kind of like TWoK. Khan's spent 15 years on Ceti Alpha 5 (or is it 6? I forget) stewing about Kirk. It's all he can think about. Then when Kirk sees him on the viewscreen he has to think for a second before saying, "Khan?" It's clear he hasn't thought of him since.

Perfect comparison!

I'm one fucked up individual, what can I say?

How about, "I'm seeking help from a professional therapist instead of continuing this emotional up and down cycle?"

Why are you making a joke out of it? Seriously. You need help and you're not going to find it here in a form that is truly helpful.

Listen to this, Trekker; he's right.

Seriously, Trekker, it's fucking Facebook. Some people take it way too seriously. Other people don't take it seriously at all. And other people just feel the need to be friends with anyone they've ever known at any point in their lives. If this is her first attempt to contact you in years, as you say, she probably just randomly saw your name pop up as a friend of a friend of a friend, clicked your profile out of curiosity, and then decided to wish you happy birthday just to be nice. I doubt there is any more to it than that. You need to get over it. I don't know how, but you do.

That's my take on it, too. I get friend requests from people I haven't heard from in decades. What do they mean? Nothing beyond idle curiosity, apparently, because even when I friend them, I never hear from most of them again.

 

[iguana_tonante]

To get a long, emotional letter from that guy a decade later, detailing how you ruined his life, well that's gonna be pretty harsh. And it'll either hurt her back and she'll see the light on that one, or go from thinking fondly on you to hating you and/or thinking it's sad you're still hung up on this after so long...

In fact, my money is that it will made her glad she ditched the emotionally-stunted and obsessive guy before it was too late. So, do it: at least she will feel better about cheating on you.

 

[Scout101]

That IS the risk/outcome of that. You'll feel better, and if you aren't going to ever talk to her again anyway, not a big loss. But you'd definitely be burning any lingering good feelings about that past relationship and the previous friendship. Honestly, if I got a letter from a girl I'd dated 9-10 years ago, detailing how I ruined their life, i'd definitely be glad I dodged THAT bullet! Depending on the circumstances, might be a little creepy, a little sad, a little funny, probably all of those.

Either way, whatever lets you get on with life and stop blaming her for things YOU did after she left. It's been far too long to still be her fault.

Besides, the cheating gf scenario is one of the easier ones to get over, IMO. She did something to hurt you, so screw you, bitch, we're done. Don't want to talk to you, done thinking about you, and I'm moving on! Not that it won't be rough for a couple months, and you won't still think of her afterwards from time to time, but it wasn't some big tragic thing, you weren't torn apart by war, disease, or distance; she actively did something to hurt you. Twice. Time to stop carrying that torch. And definitely stop romanticising it and making it more than it was. Dated for 2 years in/after high school. The number of those relationships that work out is pretty small. Still young, inexperienced, and have no idea what you want in life. Stop fixating on it and move on.

Even if you don't feel it yet, try the 'fake it until you make it' school of thought. Pretty sure if you actually sack up and talk to the occasional girl, a new one will do wonders to help you forget about the old one. Hell, talk to a LOT of girls. Rejection sucks a little, but you gain experience, and the more you ask, the better the odds one will say yes, and off you go...

 

[Holdfast]

Yay! A "kick me" thread! Awesome super fun time!

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Closed at OP's request.