Fine, bi-weekly. It's still way too much.
Screw my life!
- Thread starter Trekker4747
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The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Oh I have a sense of order and I can tell you when events took place and even how long ago. But they just don't "feel" that distant. September 11, 2001, for example, I was in a very different living situation and different position in my personal and professional lives but it doesn't feel like nine years ago. Now, my high-school graduation and child hood do feel like the decades ago that they are but everything since is pretty much blurred together. I know when and where they took place relative to one another but at the same time they're all crammed together into one, single, "the past."
The tumor I have is in an area the part of my brain that primarily deals with memory. Maybe that has something to do with my lack of grasp of the past. I can remember things very, very well but at the same time any sense of the time passed between "then" and "now" feels pretty short and I also feel at time I've got a "Groundhog Day" effect where if I repeat a set of events I feel compelled to repeat them.... If that makes any sense.
Like, say, I pull out my TNG DVD set and watch through the episodes, while I'm in this mode of watching the episodes I'll feel compelled to discuss them on the board, read recaps of them on-line, read articles on them at Memory Alpha, the Nitpicker's Guides and the Tech Manual. Probably why I often post, and re-post, "woe is me threads" here so often. Every now and then my emotions and thoughts boil-over to the point of feeling the need of posting about them again.
...
I'm one fucked up individual, what can I say?
Stand in front of the bathroom mirror, raise your right hand and then slap yourself in the face as hard as you can. Then tell your reflection, "Thanks-- I needed that."
Amen and thank you, Kestra!
Trekker, I barely know you, even here; we must mostly hang out in different folders. But even I know that I have never heard you sounding happy.
And, btw, IMO your "menopausal mental patient" comment isn't much better than calling women bitches.
Well, I liked the "Haley's Comet of misery" line. Disliked the use of the word bitch, though.
It occurs to me that this is kind of like TWoK. Khan's spent 15 years on Ceti Alpha 5 (or is it 6? I forget) stewing about Kirk. It's all he can think about. Then when Kirk sees him on the viewscreen he has to think for a second before saying, "Khan?" It's clear he hasn't thought of him since.
I can't tell you how to feel, but it seems that this isn't healthy for you.
It occurs to me that this is kind of like TWoK. Khan's spent 15 years on Ceti Alpha 5 (or is it 6? I forget) stewing about Kirk. It's all he can think about. Then when Kirk sees him on the viewscreen he has to think for a second before saying, "Khan?" It's clear he hasn't thought of him since.
I can't tell you how to feel, but it seems that this isn't healthy for you.
As we get older, the perception of time changes for all of us. A year as a child seems to last an eon, but for old people it feels like it passes quickly. That's because the duration of a year becomes a smaller and smaller fraction of our personal history as we grow older. So relative to the past, a year feels less and less significant, and it is perceived to pass quicker.
You can actually describe that with a differential equation and show that your perception of time past is proportional to the square root of your actual age. So living until you're 100 feels only twice as long as living until you're 25.
Do you mean choosing to repeat a past sequence of actions? Some would call that OCD. Do you do this because you find it pleasing/comforting to do it? Is it the sense of familiarity and methodical process which you enjoy, or is it the prospect of not doing it which you find distressing/agitating?
How about, "I'm seeking help from a professional therapist instead of continuing this emotional up and down cycle?"
Why are you making a joke out of it? Seriously. You need help and you're not going to find it here in a form that is truly helpful.
I heart you.
Seriously, Trekker, it's fucking Facebook. Some people take it way too seriously. Other people don't take it seriously at all. And other people just feel the need to be friends with anyone they've ever known at any point in their lives. If this is her first attempt to contact you in years, as you say, she probably just randomly saw your name pop up as a friend of a friend of a friend, clicked your profile out of curiosity, and then decided to wish you happy birthday just to be nice. I doubt there is any more to it than that. You need to get over it. I don't know how, but you do.
In your bed, close your eyes and think of England.
You seem to lack closure about your relationship. She effectively ended it without your mutual consent when she betrayed you. So bury it. Do something for yourself you've always wanted to do and connect it in your mind by telling yourself you are doing this particular thing to say goodbye to her on YOUR terms.
You have been given a second chance in a way - a seizure inducing tumor is a big deal and you don't know when what or how it will affect your future. So say goodbye your past with a celebration and embrace the now. You'll wake up one day and find yourself happier once you've been able to move past this thing.
I do not think you are crazy for having difficulties with time. Your attachment to that time period is directly related to the intensity of emotion you have attached to it. This too may un-skew once you are able to say "On this day I am doing such-and-such because this thing is over."
You have been given a second chance in a way - a seizure inducing tumor is a big deal and you don't know when what or how it will affect your future. So say goodbye your past with a celebration and embrace the now. You'll wake up one day and find yourself happier once you've been able to move past this thing.
I do not think you are crazy for having difficulties with time. Your attachment to that time period is directly related to the intensity of emotion you have attached to it. This too may un-skew once you are able to say "On this day I am doing such-and-such because this thing is over."
Me too. I'm gonna use that one.
Trekker, I am really sorry that this girl apparently does not get it, that you really need her to go away for good. Sounds like she means well - but is just really, REALLY dense.
Something like 2 1/2-3 years we were close friends, however, for a few years before then as well.
I'll admit on my own behalf that the "Halley's Comet of misery" bit was pretty inspired on my part.
When it's designed or interpreted as an attempt to get an emotional reaction out of you.
It seems, judging by the first page or two of replies, that this is something you have not been able to get over, which you seriously need to do.
I've had my "woe is me" stints too, but I've moved on from them all, with time. Unfortunately, Time doesn't really seem to move fast enough in your situation... so get an STD, then seduce your ex, and transmit it to her in a kamikaze blaze of morale-raising lust. Vengeance always makes me feel better, but don't take my word for it, just ask Khan
I've had my "woe is me" stints too, but I've moved on from them all, with time. Unfortunately, Time doesn't really seem to move fast enough in your situation... so get an STD, then seduce your ex, and transmit it to her in a kamikaze blaze of morale-raising lust. Vengeance always makes me feel better, but don't take my word for it, just ask Khan
Something like 2 1/2-3 years we were close friends, however, for a few years before then as well.
I'll admit on my own behalf that the "Halley's Comet of misery" bit was pretty inspired on my part.
I love how you skip over most of the posts, some of them very well-meaning, and go right to:
defending yourself (in the form of clarifying that you had been together for a long time)
self-congratulation on your clever phrase
Actually I don't love it, I think it's rude. I know you'll say something like "Well they're right, I don't know what to respond, I just needed to vent" etc. etc. When you post threads here to vent, you're not speaking to an empty void. You're speaking to people who have heard much of this before, have taken the time to read it again, and some of whom push back their cynicism or petty impulses to try and give you some advice. These are well-meaning people who you brush off because you'd like to indulge some self-centered desire to dwell on your feelings, rather than actually make any effort to change your situation. You ask for input from others but don't actually want any analysis. Indeed you don't even engage in true introspection yourself. Every suggestion, every comment that someone posts has a stock response from you.
If that's how you want to live, fine. I'm a big advocate for self-improvement but I'm not going to push that on anyone else.
I would ask, however, that the next time you want to post a thread like this, you reconsider. I don't want people to use up their thoughtfulness or compassion on someone who refuses to appreciate it and continues to take advantage of it.
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