Screw my life!

[Trekker4747]

Didn't you have a tumor in your head that got removed and you're pretty much recovered from that?

Seems like you got a second chance man that some people don't get, take a hold of it.

Worrying about some haggard old bitch with kids you knew 9 years ago befriending you on Facebook is pretty fucking lame. It makes me think you have a doll made out of her hair somewhere.

The tumor is still there and currently being managed by medication but lord knows what it's "really doing" to me.

Shouldn't the fact that you have a tumor in your head that may or may not be slowly killing you compel you to, I dunno, make the most of your life?

Tumor is benign and not killing me, it gives me very minor seizures that are controlled under medication. Even though my doctor wants to make the most aggressive way of "treating it" ("open skull surgery") even he says there's no rush to do anything about it.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

The tumor is still there and currently being managed by medication but lord knows what it's "really doing" to me.

Shouldn't the fact that you have a tumor in your head that may or may not be slowly killing you compel you to, I dunno, make the most of your life?

Tumor is benign and not killing me, it gives me very minor seizures that are controlled under medication. Even though my doctor wants to make the most aggressive way of "treating it" ("open skull surgery") even he says there's no rush to do anything about it.

Then, as Garak said, you've got a second chance. Don't waste it getting pissed over evil exes.

 

[Mr Awe]

The tumor is still there and currently being managed by medication but lord knows what it's "really doing" to me.

Seriously, I wish you well with the tumor, and, shoot, with everything else too.

And I don't care so much about her contacting me on FB (as I've not responded to the request and will never approve nor reject it) but it's just fascinating to me that on the spur of things she decides to contact me again after a three years of no contact. We've some FB friends in common but for her to message me a birthday wish she'd have to pretty much actively seek me out and send me the message. After years of no contact.

Why? What the fuck? I've made my intentions quite clear to her. I want nothing to do with her. And she was much more than a fling, I had loved her and confided in her more than I have my parents, my best friends or anyone I've ever known. It was real, love. We had plans to marry and then she cheated on me. Twice, in fact.

I have moved on because I don't give a shit about her, I do not miss her. At the same time I do not feel I can find the same connections with someone else and all other attempts to date someone else have either been rejected or fell-through. It's the shit-fuck that's my life but I'm living and dealing with it. At the same time I need to vent at times and, sorry, this is the best way I have to do that.

For the FB thing, here's what I think is going on. You know, for her, 9 years ago is ancient history. She's had a life. Got married, had kids, and all that entails. Your part in her life is small. It's just not a big thing. She may even have fond memories of you. It's not an anxiety producing thing like it is for you because her life has undoubtedly grown well beyond those old days.

Your life doesn't seem to have grown based on what you write here. So, for you, it's a huge f'ing deal that is full of drama.

But, with that in mind, you can see why it's not such a big thing for her. You and her have 2 entirely different points of view about all of this. That said, you obviously have no obligation to be in touch with her at all. So, don't stress over it. You don't have to acknowledge the request at all.

But, it's apparent from your response that you're still quite enraged with her. You're still not over her. Again, it comes down to what you've done, or not done, with your life. Make your life interesting while you've still got the chance. There's no point to blaming her when you are the one who needs to make the changes.

Mr Awe

 

[Professor Zoom]

kick me in the balls like God chooses to do every damn day of my life.

Didn't you have a tumor in your head that got removed and you're pretty much recovered from that?

Seems like you got a second chance man that some people don't get, take a hold of it.

Worrying about some haggard old bitch with kids you knew 9 years ago befriending you on Facebook is pretty fucking lame. It makes me think you have a doll made out of her hair somewhere.

The tumor is still there and currently being managed by medication but lord knows what it's "really doing" to me.

And I don't care so much about her contacting me on FB (as I've not responded to the request and will never approve nor reject it) but it's just fascinating to me that on the spur of things she decides to contact me again after a three years of no contact. We've some FB friends in common but for her to message me a birthday wish she'd have to pretty much actively seek me out and send me the message. After years of no contact.

Maybe she's over it too and wants to be friends. Start anew.

Maybe you should man up and ask her.

Why? What the fuck? I've made my intentions quite clear to her. I want nothing to do with her. And she was much more than a fling, I had loved her and confided in her more than I have my parents, my best friends or anyone I've ever known. It was real, love. We had plans to marry and then she cheated on me. Twice, in fact.

I have moved on because I don't give a shit about her, I do not miss her.

Your posts disagree with your assertion.

There's something you miss about her.

If not, if you truly moved on, you would have deleted the friend request.

At the same time I do not feel I can find the same connections with someone else and all other attempts to date someone else have either been rejected or fell-through. It's the shit-fuck that's my life but I'm living and dealing with it. At the same time I need to vent at times and, sorry, this is the best way I have to do that.

Don't like it, put me on Ignore.

If anyone is making dolls out of hair out of the other it's her out of me since she's the one contacting me and not the other way around.

Like I said, she probably IS over you, probably HAS moved on, but, might still like you as a human being. And respected what you had and might regret what she did. Who knows, she is the one with the most balls as she offering a hand of friendship--even if it is just on facebook.

 

[Trekker4747]

I hardly ever think of her but, yeah, I do have strong feelings for her (both positive and negative) simply because I invested so much in to her. I opened myself up to her more than I have anyone else, told her things my parents do not know she took all of that trust and betrayed it. She was a good, close, friend before she was my girlfriend and we dated for almost three years, after knowing each other for 5 before that, I risked friendships for her and was willing to re-arrange my entire life to be with her and go with her. She took all of that and stomped on it.

So to "get over it" is like trying to -in my mind- getting over the death of a family member, a spouse or a child. It's not that easy.

Now, I hardly ever think about her or our relationship anymore and I don't let it effect my life. I've given up on dating simply from discouragement of being rebuffed so many times and complacency in my living situation. I'm not happy and I want more but I'm dealing with that more may not be out there in the cards for me.

I'm coping with my various medical and emotional issues in various ways but at times I need an outlet to vent and, really, this is the only place I feel comfortable enough to do that.

And, really, I have a shitty concept of time, particularly the past. Honestly typing out "9 years" stunned me because it doesn't seem like it was that long ago. Nothing that happened 9 years ago or even 4 years ago seems that far away, it's all blurred together in something simply called "the past." It all to me feels like it happened just a couple of years ago and, again, this goes for everything that happened in the past not just this.

If not, if you truly moved on, you would have deleted the friend request.

Eh, I didn't not delete out of wanting an "out" it's just not what I do. There's a handful of people on there I've not deleted not because I want an out to accept it latter on but because that's just how I roll.

 

[Mr Awe]

If not, if you truly moved on, you would have deleted the friend request.

I totally agree with the sentiment, but I would say that if he had gotten past her, the friend request certainly would not have elicited a strong emotional response, such as that exhibited in this thread and, god knows, probably even stronger in person!

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

Trekker, I think you really need a hobby. Something that is interesting to you, that gets you out, meeting people, and not on your couch moping about things! You'll meet people and have something in common with them. The point wouldn't be to develop a romantic relationship but, who knows, it could certainly lead to one.

But, honestly, it's not normal to be so worked up over a breakup that happened 9 years ago. It doesn't seem like 9 years to you because you're holding it so close. I think pretty much everyone goes through something like this. The trick is to not get stuck on it, you've got to move past it.

You're correct, you can't directly force your self to just forget. However, you can certainly find interesting things to do, find ways to grow, etc that will naturally replace the things from 9 years ago with more recent and pleasant things!

Mr Awe

 

[Trekker4747]

No the 9 years thing isn't just the stuff with her it's with everything. 9/11 doesn't feel like it was a little over 9 years ago, nothing does. Everything in the past is a blur that, to me, just seems as far in the past as yesterday was.

 

[Mr Awe]

^^ I still think you need a hobby! Something to replace the old memories with.

As any one gets older, time seems like it flies by. That part is normal. What's not normal, is being so upset by things 9 years ago even if it doesn't seem like that long ago. Those emotions should settle down over time.

 

[JiNX-01]

No. 1: She can't "friend" you on FB without your consent.

No. 2.: She can't screw with your head without your consent.

No. 3: When she turns up in a mall, walk away. At your job, call security. On your doorstep, shut the door.

 

[Colonel Green]

No the 9 years thing isn't just the stuff with her it's with everything. 9/11 doesn't feel like it was a little over 9 years ago, nothing does. Everything in the past is a blur that, to me, just seems as far in the past as yesterday was.

You sound like a crazy person. Please see someone ASAP. I don't mean this as an insult.

 

[Kestra]

I dislike the use of the word bitch.
You don't actually matter to her.
You're not over her.
Very few women are that important.
She's not one of them.

 

[Trekker4747]

No the 9 years thing isn't just the stuff with her it's with everything. 9/11 doesn't feel like it was a little over 9 years ago, nothing does. Everything in the past is a blur that, to me, just seems as far in the past as yesterday was.

You sound like a crazy person. Please see someone ASAP. I don't mean this as an insult.

I sound crazy because I have little concept of the past? I mean I know what the past is and when various events took place but it doesn't feel as long ago as it really is. It's more like a "Gosh! That was nine years ago?! Where did the time go?!"

I dislike the use of the word bitch.
You don't actually matter to her.
You're not over her.
Very few women are that important.
She's not one of them.

I'm sorry for any offense in my use of language.
I must matter to her if she sought me out to wish me Happy Birthday.
I am over her. Maybe not completely but, again, I thought she was The One which also makes her "fairly" important.

 

[DarkHelmet]

No. 2.: She can't screw with your head without your consent.

^ Love it.

 

[Gaith]

You lack confidence as a man. Here are my personally formulated three steps to getting it:

1. Recognize your desires. This girl at work you talk to - do you want to get to know/nail her? If so, be aware of that.

2. Accept your desires. Wanting to get to know/nail this girl at work is not a bad thing.

3. Express your desires. Ask the girl out for a drink sometime.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I dislike the use of the word bitch.
You don't actually matter to her.
You're not over her.
Very few women are that important.
She's not one of them.

Is that like a drunken (yet pretty much accurate) haiku?

 

[Maestro]

Ah, I see that Trekker's going weekly on pity threads now.

I say, friend her, bang her, leave her.

Then put the moves on the cutie at work.

This really isn't rocket science.

 

[Kestra]

No the 9 years thing isn't just the stuff with her it's with everything. 9/11 doesn't feel like it was a little over 9 years ago, nothing does. Everything in the past is a blur that, to me, just seems as far in the past as yesterday was.

You sound like a crazy person. Please see someone ASAP. I don't mean this as an insult.

I know people who feel like this. Generally it seems to be because their lives haven't changed much and nothing remarkable has happened to define the past from the present. I don't think it's crazy.

I must matter to her if she sought me out to wish me Happy Birthday.
I am over her. Maybe not completely but, again, I thought she was The One which also makes her "fairly" important.

No honey, I'm sorry, I really think you're wrong here. It doesn't mean you matter to her and you're not over her. Sorry to be so blunt but I'm fairly confident here.

Also the fact that someone was once important to you doesn't mean they remain so. Couples who once planned to spend a lifetime together may no longer feel much of anything for each other. This doesn't cheapen the feelings you once had and is perfectly normal.

 

[Trekker4747]

Ah, I see that Trekker's going weekly on pity threads now.

:checks:

Nope.

Not even close.

 

[Jadzia]

No the 9 years thing isn't just the stuff with her it's with everything. 9/11 doesn't feel like it was a little over 9 years ago, nothing does. Everything in the past is a blur that, to me, just seems as far in the past as yesterday was.

That's quite an interesting perception of time you have!

May I ask, do you have a sense of order to past events (ie, A happened before B which happened before C), but you don't have sense of duration between past events?