Ruler of the World thread

[Thor Damar]

^Can't be, my 'friends' dealt with that fellow some time ago. I feel compelled to warn you that I have the most terrifying weapons of all, a nation full of sober Irishmen, Scots and Russians! (the Welsh are already sober enough). My people have forgone the game of drink in order to combat those whom would dare threaten us and our allies and to improve our technological base.

I would urge every-one to avoid screwing with Europe least you wish to deal with the might of two egoistical Unions.

You have been warned.

(I think that its time for the WMU and the RUC to sign the mutual defense treaty Imperator...)

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I assume that with this final declaration of power-mad defiance, the first war of the new era comes to a close. Let it be agreed by all nations that His Excellency captcalhoun may claim total control and sovereignty over whatever parallel universe/disconnected reality he now inhabits. We wish him luck and as many explosions as he requires. We also brace ourselves for periodic and no doubt violent reappearances.

Back in our universe, the rebuilding begins. And yet we must pause in our efforts, so as to acknowledge the danger and darkness that lies within all our world-dominating hearts, yadda, yadda, yadda. The pressures of ruling a nation are many, and weigh heavily on the soul. Sooner or later, some of our esteemed leaders, lords, emperors and monarchs will simply snap under the pressure and/or a lust for power and explosions.

I can only offer blocks of Antarctic ice to all world leaders, in the hopes that they can be used to create the required "cooler heads".

With much of North America seemingly in ruins, the Nasat Realm of Ross offers aid and assistance (unless Super New England has already replicated you all replacements for what was lost, up to and including cloned replicas of the casualties).

Oh, yes, and I have to go clean up the mess from where that damn missile of his hit the Dry Valleys. Maybe I'll grow radioactive penguins, or giant mutant krill to serve as minions...

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

*moves his forces into southern Texas, advancing all the way to San Antonio, where we dig in for a siege*

Let's rock, bitch.

Ice, we'll link up at Austin.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Yeah, it has been an entertaining week, which I observed idly while sipping on margaritas in an undisclosed water-front locality in Central America, surrounded by my beloved and loyal iguanas. Humans are crazy.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Now that the war's over, this calls for a party! All allied world leaders are invited to the Shindig of the Century in Mexico City.

 

[Eyes]

what? you're dead. the reality bomb dissolved the world.

i escaped. i'm not even living in your universe any more.

you're all dead!

HA-HA!! I win!

By any chance, were you ever President of Turkmenistan, under a different name, at some point during the last 20 years?

I was not aware that there was a madman in charge of part of my realm recently. I shall keep a very close eye on the Turkmens

The Kingdom rejoices that the war is effectively over almost as quick as it began. I might even give the peasants a holiday. My nukes were not needed. They shall still need to be used in Kazakhstan's darkest hour.

As with my ally the Archon, I offer aid to America to help clean up the mess left after the war.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

The Mexican Empire was left just about untouched by this war, so we offer the one good thing Mexicans are good at: food. An army of Mexican mothers and grandmothers are on their way with tons of food.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Yeah, it has been an entertaining week, which I observed idly while sipping on margaritas in an undisclosed water-front locality in Central America, surrounded by my beloved and loyal iguanas. Humans are crazy.

*Quietly begins combing the Galapagos Colonies for possible foreign agents*

Now, about that world party, Shameless. My nation joyfully agrees to the proposal, and invites its allies to join the celebration.

And we also praise you, as well as His Majesty Eyes of Kazakhstan, for your swift response in aiding our neighbours in need. The Nasat Realm of Ross will melt several floes into cool, fresh water to ease the victims in affected nations, as they brush off the radioactive ash.

As stated, the missile strike aimed at my nation did next to no real damage, having hit the Dry Valleys. I am currently using the newly radioactive valleys to grow giant mutant krill, which will feed the stricken nations while boosting their immunity to radiation.

And I will slash prices on my considerable coal and oil exports, so allowing my trade partners in need to power their civilizations while they rebuild to their former glory.

 

[TheGodBen]

I have just been informed by my foreign minister of a terrible tragedy. The nukes that captcalhoun aimed at the CEC had to convert to the metric system when they entered European airspace and ended up missing their target. Apparently, all the missiles landed in the unclaimed southern regions of Italy, killing all 12.8 million inhabitants. This was a huge, preventable tragedy, and I'm sure you'll all wish to join me in a minute's silence.


















Okay, time's up. Now that nobody lives in southern Italy, I wish to claim the whole region for the WMU as it will not increase our population. It is a radioactive wasteland, but we should be okay if we stick to the coastal regions and wear sunblock.

In unrelated news, the WMU denies the rumours of missile launches from our nuclear bunkers this afternoon. After a very thorough investigation, we have determined that what appeared to look like launching missiles was in fact a weather balloon.

(I think that its time for the WMU and the RUC to sign the mutual defense treaty Imperator...)

I agree, a defence pact would aid us both in dealing with these non-European savages. Can you imagine anything more uncivilized than using nuclear weapons when waging war? The savages need to adapt to more honourable forms of conflict, such as trench warfare.

 

[Captain Ice]

The Mexican Empire was left just about untouched by this war, so we offer the one good thing Mexicans are good at: food. An army of Mexican mothers and grandmothers are on their way with tons of food.

We're on our way. We're bringing Hurricanes, Jack Daniels, and all the cajun cooks we could find. You and I also need to talk about how we're going to divide our new territories. My commanders report that they're somewhere between Austin and Amarillo right now.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Now that the war's over, this calls for a party! All allied world leaders are invited to the Shindig of the Century in Mexico City.

Most appropriate!

*Quietly begins combing the Galapagos Colonies for possible foreign agents*

No need to fear, my friend. I fully recognize the Nasatian secular government of the Galapagos Islands to deal with all matters temporal and economical. We just ask for protection under the law for our saurian brethren to worship following the ancient rites of the the traditional iguana religion. An agreement of separation between church and state is in order, I guess.

Apparently, all the missiles landed in the unclaimed southern regions of Italy, killing all 12.8 million inhabitants.

A terrible tragedy. Because of a man's folly, the original recipe of pizza might be lost forever. Just terrible.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

*Quietly begins combing the Galapagos Colonies for possible foreign agents*

No need to fear, my friend. I fully recognize the Nasatian secular government of the Galapagos Islands to deal with all matters temporal and economical. We just ask for protection under the law for our saurian brethren to worship following the ancient rites of the the traditional iguana religion. An agreement of separation between church and state is in order, I guess.

A pleasure to find my neighbours prepared - indeed seemingly eager - to deal with my government in an upfront and honest fashion. Not that I should have expected anything less from the easy-going folk of the iquana persuasion. Please forgive earlier paranoia - the recent hostilities have us all slightly on edge.

Protection under the law is indeed granted. All iquanas in the Galapagos, marine and terrestrial, may lounge in the sun without molestation or fear of disturbance. The Saurocracy of Terraiquana may rest assured that this government has no desire to harrass or obstruct your people's brethren as they lounge about their business.

All respect, His Insectile Supremeness, the Archon.

Secondary business: Following the recent annexation of Santa Cruz, my nation has an excessive amount of wool for sale (sheep apparently being the biggest local asset). Should any of my allies desire wool, please speak up so a trade agreement can be outlined. As my own citizens in the Antarctic continent require many woolly jumpers, and thus we have a robust woolly jumper-making industry, if any of my allies wish to buy the completed items rather than the wool itself, that will also be fine. Furthermore, we can offer lamb for those in need of food supplies. I'm afraid we cannot offer sheep themselves, for fear that we'll thereby put ourselves out of business.

PS: Sheep smuggling is now an offense under Nasatian law.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

The Mexican Empire was left just about untouched by this war, so we offer the one good thing Mexicans are good at: food. An army of Mexican mothers and grandmothers are on their way with tons of food.

We're on our way. We're bringing Hurricanes, Jack Daniels, and all the cajun cooks we could find. You and I also need to talk about how we're going to divide our new territories. My commanders report that they're somewhere between Austin and Amarillo right now.

I'm fine with splitting Texas down the middle, making the southern limits of Austin as our mutual border, with the city of Austin residing in your nation.

Now, let's get this party started!

 

[Eyes]

Now that the war's over, this calls for a party! All allied world leaders are invited to the Shindig of the Century in Mexico City.

Invitation accepted. I look forward to it.

You there, Peasant! Prepare my ceremonial armour. And stock up on the caviar, kazy and manti (traditional Kazakh dishes which my advisors inform me will go down well).

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Oooh, i have an idea that this will turn into an international pot-luck kind of thing. How yummy!

 

[Captain Ice]

Iguana, the people of the REA would also like to extend their hand in friendship to your people. We would also like to discuss peace, trade, and formal diplomatic relations.

 

[iguana_tonante]

A pleasure to find my neighbours prepared - indeed seemingly eager - to deal with my government in an upfront and honest fashion. Not that I should have expected anything less from the easy-going folk of the iquana persuasion. Please forgive earlier paranoia - the recent hostilities have us all slightly on edge.

An understandable concern. We live in difficult times, after all.

Protection under the law is indeed granted. All iquanas in the Galapagos, marine and terrestrial, may lounge in the sun without molestation or fear of disturbance. The Saurocracy of Terraiquana may rest assured that this government has no desire to harrass or obstruct your people's brethren as they lounge about their business.

This is excellent news. For being the first secular government to recognize the iguana religion, you are hereby bestowed the title of Saint Nasat, Protector of Iguanas in Far Away Lands. May the blessing of the Great Lizard fall on your kind nation.

Iguana, the people of the REA would also like to extend their hand in friendship to your people. We would also like to discuss peace, trade, and formal diplomatic relations.

We will be happy to. I sense another party coming!

 

[captcalhoun]

you're all dead!!!

why am i talking to a cloud of dust?


DEAD!!!!

 

[Skywalker]

Whoa, wait, what happened? I was too busy snorting coke off my secretary's--I mean, presiding over important policy meetings.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

you're all dead!!!

why am i talking to a cloud of dust?


DEAD!!!!

"And it's reeeeeeeeaaaaal!"